Best of Facebook: October 2015

10/1/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Click here to read blog post: "What Does the Bible Say About Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?"

Two years ago I was desperate and finally beginning to open up about our biggest and hardest struggles with our children. It seemed like every time I became bold enough to share the most recent tantrum or incident we had in our home I was told by fellow moms, "Oh, they are just being a kid. This is just a stage they are going through. All kids do that." Finally our youth pastor and his wife sat down and listened to us and the desperateness in our tone. A few weeks later he presented us with this book, he had found it, read it and believed it would be very helpful to us.

Now I had already read book after book, The Connected Child, The Whole-Brained Child, etc and read blog after blog. We had done years of counseling and therapy (including EDMR for a couple months which I do not hold a high opinion of). I was tired of bad news and hopelessness. I was skeptical that another book, another author could help me. BUT, this book was different and as I read it it didn't just give me more head knowledge and parenting tools but it fed my soul. It gave me a renewed view of my children. Not through my worn and weary, struggling to show love eyes but helped me view them through the eyes of Jesus who loves them unconditionally and sacrificially!

This book did change our lives. So much so just months after reading this book God called us to adopt our Sam from an adoption disruption who was diagnosed with RAD. God had shown us so much of His healing power in so little time that we extended trust in Him once again as we pursued another. The healing in Sam was very evident very quickly. He is a walking testimony of the goodness of God and such a blessing to us!

Just less than a year ago one of our children had an isolated incident that led to us having all of our children interviewed and and evaluated by two licensed therapists. I told them our past diagnoses of RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD and chronic enuresis. I told them briefly of the horrifying history of their lives before coming into our care. After hours in the office while they saw and spoke with each individual child they called me in the room. What they said to me had me in tears, "Ma'am, we have never met such smart, happy, focused, well-mannered and ATTACHED children as we have seen today. They have only been with you a short 3 years and they don't fit any of their previous diagnoses and whatever you are doing is amazing!"

"But it isn't me, they are healing despite my failures, it is Jesus!"

10/2/15: Click here to see article on FB:

Click here to view article at Church for Every Child

We often hear, "it takes a special person to raise someone else's children!" or "I could never do what you are doing." Well, I am not super-human for sure, most of the time I look around and wish I was as patient or loving or kind as so-and-so. So to be honest, if I can adopt and parent these kids ANYBODY can do it.

When people ask how do you do it, I say "I am not, it's Jesus." Our human love will never be enough to heal these kids, our human therapies will never be enough to heal these kids but these things coupled with the love of Jesus is what HAS healed my kids! That is why it has to be the followers of Christ that step up to the plate and sacrifically lay down their lives to give these kids one! We, the church, and our church congregations have got to step up and love these kids, our neighbors.

But love is not enough for the days after adoption. We must also be willing to become equipped in attachment parenting. Far too many adoptions are being disrupted (FL has a current disruption rate of 42%). We get emails and calls non-stop from some of these desperate families hanging on by a thread. Why? Because adoption is HARD. It is born in pain, grief, loss and sin. Adoption is a beautiful blessing but it is like a rose that takes time to grow from the ashes. What got us through isn't the skills we had to learn, the trainings we attended, the books we read or the therapies we sat through. What got us through and is getting us through is the unwavering commitment to love these kids regardless of their behavior. A commitment to pursue them as they push away from us with a supernatural love. Did we not run away from God, withhold our affections from Him, live our lives in a way that didn't please Him? But while we were in our sin He loved us so much He laid down His life for us. What pulls us through the hardest days is a deep desire, not to adopt or love, but a to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus by loving sinners the same way He did, with His very life.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

Every year Brittney's school takes their special kids and their families to camp for 4 days. Brian wasn't able to come so me and these 7 kiddos attended and had lots of fun. Brittney's school bussed us to the FL Elks Youth camp where they put us up in air-conditioned cabins, fed us like kings and had tons of fun activities ready for us! The kids had lots of time in the pool, got to tie-dye shirts, participate in a ropes course, practice archery, ate lots of icecream and desserts, danced the night away and made smores at a bonfire! Here are some pics of our time.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Three hours and some sore fingers but I am feeling pretty accomplished tonight! She kept looking in the mirror and saying "so pretty, so pretty!" She likes it so it was worth it! :)

10/13/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Click here to see blog post with link to this interview

We enjoyed having France 2 TV out today for our interview. They were very kind and patient with us and the kids felt like little stars for sure being followed around by a huge camera. I could tell that the kids were also intrigued by their beautiful language and accents, maybe after Spanish class we will take up French. :)

My favorite moment was due to English being their second language one asked, "Do you breed your animals?"
To which I said, "yes, we have bred some at times."
"Ah, so can we film you breeding the animals?"
"Um, well, if that is what you think would make good tv then I suppose...."
"Oh! I meant to say feed! Can we film you feeding the animals!"
"LOL, Yes! We feed all the animals everyday. We can film that." :)
We all got a good laugh at that one.

10/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I came across a journal from 2012 that I had kept at the request of our counselor. Everyday it had a very short entry of what behaviors we dealt with that day. As I read through them I had forgotten some of the huge daily struggles we have worked through. I showed the journal to our big kids, "See this is why I was such a crazy mom when you first came, I didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff."
Mirabel read it over, "Geez, I can't believe I did this stuff to you. We really were awful!"
"Yea, but you know what I was doing at the same time I was writing these daily journal entries?"
Mirabel smirked, "Crying and eating chocolate?"
"I suppose. At the same time that you were running away, hitting me, cussing me out and doing everything in your power to push me away I was getting fingerprinted and background checked and filling out mountains of paperwork to make you mine."

Adoption is the living gospel. For it was me who was that little orphan girl running from the love of a Father. Yet even in my fighting and running He gave up everything, His only perfect Son, for a chance to adopt me as His own. I now love Him, because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Our kids love us now because we chose to show them a glimpse of our Father's love.

Adopt because you were adopted! Even when you don't "feel" it, love your kids because your Father loves you! Even though they push and push you away, pursue your kids because your Father pursued you! Even when it feels too hard to keep going, don't give up because your Father didn't give up on you! Even now, in this trial, in this struggle remember that He promises, if we love Him, He will work all things together for our good! (Rom. 8:28)

10/21/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A young stranger was walking up our long driveway, something small and white let out soft cries in his arms. I walked halfway out to greet him, "Is everything okay?"

"Ma'am we had a goat and she just gave birth to this baby but she died right after. You have goats and we know you will take good care of her."

As I held this tiny little life now entrusted in our care I was reminded of the verse in Prov 12:10 that says, "a righteous man has regard for the life of his animal..." I am so thankful for the reputation that God has granted us in our community. A reputation that no matter the species, breed or color, if they are in need of a family they can find one with open arms here.

Welcome home baby Abba. I hope your place on our farm continually reminds us that God is "Abba, Father" to the orphan.

10/24/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

This is our baby girl, Abba goat. Yes she is dressed as a pumpkin! .... Why? You ask? Because it is freaking adorable!!!

10/25/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"So you guys are in charge of all these kids?" asked a woman who greeted us as we visited a new church today.

"I suppose we are in charge of them...we are a family, these are our children."

We saw the pastor's eyes widen with curiosity as we came to the door to exit. The woman who greeted us earlier turned to the pastor, "They adopted ALL these kids! Seven!"

The pastor shook our hands, "Well, you certainly have your hands full!"

"Sir, we simply took the Bible quite literally when God said, 'pure and undefiled religion is to care for the orphan.'"

10/27/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

We took part in a local homeschool geography fair tonight. We studied China and the kids were able to present what they learned. It was so neat, there were at least 20 other tables to visit and each child got a little passport to fill up with stickers and facts from each Country or State. Lots of tables even had food from their location to taste. We brought freshly cut bamboo from our own bamboo forest on our farm to give away!

Since I have it all together we started this project at 11pm the night before it was due!!! Good thing the kids had been reading lots of library books on China for weeks and quickly cranked out some facts on a poster board! Anthony took charge of the board and table and the this morning I was quite surprised with how well they did all on their own so I spent 4 hours today creating and sewing costumes to bring our China table to life! God poured out His grace as always, we pulled it together and the kids had a blast!:)



Posted by Shannon

Best of Facebook: March 2015

3/1/15: Click here to see video on FB:

AMEN x20!!!! This is such an overlooked subject when dealing with the church and adoption. Praise God for a little more light shed on this subject. Please watch and share if you have or know someone who has adopted! It is a lonely road parenting RAD especially when you don't know what RAD is or why this child you love dearly hates you!

We watch Wretched often although Todd (the show host) drives me crazy sometimes with his antics. I do not believe that Todd is saying that 100% of children have RAD, I think he is saying that potentially you can adopt a child with 100% RAD. Not only did our first 3 have RAD to varying degrees but last year we specifically adopted a child diagnosed with RAD from an adoption disruption. RAD behaviors are REAL! Yet let me point out that Jesus can heal and release the bondage of even RAD!!!

The hardest part of adoption and RAD is loving a child that does not reciprocate any form of love, but isn’t that the gospel! Jesus loved us, a people that did not reciprocate His love yet He filed for our adoption anyway! We then love Him because He first loved us! That is the story of RAD, we as parents get to live on the front lines of the gospel and sacrifice our lives and love with sometimes no reward. We do have hope even with RAD, we have Jesus. Also, the best biblical resource we have found for parenting children with these symptoms is “Parenting the Difficult Child” by Linda Rice.

Click here to see video on Wretched, "Reactive Attachment Disorder: You need to know that most adoptive parents are dealing with this."

3/4/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Let me present an adoption scenario: Twins are born, mom decides that she isnt ready for this and begins looking for an adoption plan for her babies. She needs an immediate family for these 6 week old baby boy twins. Question, would you be willing to adopt them?

I do believe that most of you are so willing to adopt that you are about to comment or message me to ask if this is real. But are you ready to appear in front of an attorney and adopt today? In an hour? In your willingness to adopt did you prepare for adoption ahead of time? Have you completed your adoption homestudy? If God has laid adoption on your heart, if at any point in your walk you have said, "I would love to adopt one day" then step out in faith and get prepared! God could call on you at any moment. You could talk to a woman tomorrow at the grocery store or hear a need from a friend. There may not be time to say, "I am willing but give me 3 months to get my homestudy completed." Adoption needs tend to be immediate and almost never are you going to have 9 months to prepare! I you are not ready you may miss out on a unique opportunity to be surprisingly blessed!

Willingness is great, but are you prepared to say "I am ready. Lord, send me," with homestudy in hand, if you were offered twins today?

3/5/15: Click here to see photos on FB:

Just got home very late from dancing the night away! We were invited to a English Country Dance event with a purpose to fundraise money to help our friend Dima, an orphan from Ukraine who came here on a medical visa, apply for Asylum to stay in the country! So today we spent 2 hours of last minute thrift store shopping in hopes of finding some old english costumes. After prayer, three thrift stores and $25 our goal was accomplished! We loved learning so many old dances including our new favorite, the Virginia Reel. Here are some pictures of our fun!

3/6/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Let me tell you a story of blessings!

Our tax return just came in (woohoo!) and we have budgeted all the money to fulfill our final needs for our new home. One of those budgeted needs was an AC/heat system. The house is set up for central air but the AC system was old and broken when we bought the house. We budgeted $1500 for a good, used one and called an AC guy that a good friend recommended. He came out discussed our budget, looked over everything and said he would call with a quote. His call later that day blew me away!

Now let me set the stage a little bit. That morning we got a late start, it was a plain old rough morning. It was 10:30am by the time we finally got farm chores done and breakfast on the table. Here I am in a old t-shirt and had kinda skipped the hair brushing and make-up in my usual morning routine when the scheduled AC guy shows up. He was just here to do get a quick quote for a paid job so I let it go that I appeared so unorganized and frazzled. He left after about 30min of gathering all the information he needed to write up a quote and promised to call later. Around 3pm the same day the phone rang.

"Mrs. Carroll this is _____, the AC guy. I wanted to let you know that I have never met a sweet and well-mannered bunch of kids as your own. I was so thoroughly impressed with your home and felt an overwhelming peace of God while I was there. The presence of Holy Spirit is so evident all over your home and family. I could barely make it out your driveway without tears streaming down my face. Because of the amazing work you guys are doing I want to donate a AC/heating system, all new duct work, the wiring and installation. You will have the whole package and won't pay a thing. I want to do this for your family. God has been so good to my business and my family and He has placed it on my heart to bless yours. You have other places that budgeted money can be well spent I am sure!

When I picked up my jaw off the floor and wiped away tears I called my hubby and fell in awe of our amazing God who is so big and so evidently seen through our weaknesses, flaws and imperfections!

Today, four guys for six hours worked hard and fully installed and set up our brand new system! God is good all the time, all the time God is GOOD!

3/12/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Our garden is done! Seeds planted and baby seedlings are a sprouting. It took a lot of work for 3 days straight but we will see what God does as we venture to grow our own produce. It is as big as our house at 2000sqft! A huge thank you to my hubby for tilling the land, it was way harder than one would imagine with all the roots and compacted soil. A shout out to my awesome kiddos, Anthony who cut down every tree that made our garden boxes and Mirabel, Risa and Sam who moved trees and raked and spread lots of old hay! Yay!

3/19/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Our visit to Orlando to see Brittany this past Mon-Wed went part very well and part frustrating. Due to some hiccups we didn't get to participate in all the stuff we planned on, like our CMS medical training or a visit with her school nurse and teacher. But we did get to be a part of a doctor's visit with Brittany and speak with her doctor at length about her aHUS condition. She was all smiles once we were out of the hospital and talking in the parking lot. We also were able to see her later that day briefly at her foster parent's house.

Brittany was much more interactive and talkative and again smiled up a storm around the kids. Little Maggie is so sweet around her. Maggie gently placed her hand on Brittany's leg, "We have yours bed for you in ours room. You will live with us. You can play with my Minnie Mouse kitchen." As we were leaving and promised to come back, Brittany reached out and grabbed my hand with both of hers, she held tight and began repeating, "I want you to stay, I want you to stay." To say the least, it was very hard to leave. The kids already love her and talk about her all the time. We are working on our schedule and budget for the next time we can travel and visit with her. Next visit we should be able to do an overnight visit with her in Orlando.

We have such a wonderful host family in Orlando to stay with and have so much fun visiting even when frustrations arise. Also it has been a blessing to see my family more often and for them to get to know the kiddos, who are pretty fun and awesome!

3/20/15: Click here to see article on FB:

Our guest post "with open arms" about adoption disruption was published yesterday on the blog "No Hands But Ours."

It is about the little known world of adoption disruption. Adoption disruption is a real dilemma in our culture, even in our churches. There are orphaned and children waiting to made family have their adoptions disrupted or dissolved daily. It is a much bigger reality than any of us wish to admit or recognize. Our culture is one of shallow commitments, we see that through the stats on our nation's divorce rate. And to think married people fell in love and both willingly chose each other for life. Often when adopting a child it feels more like an arranged marriage, one in which only one party is making a commitment to love. First comes commitment, then comes adoption then, sometimes much later, comes the moment when we fall in love.

"Attachment takes both parties. A child struggling with attachment needs us, as the parent, to show them a love that they cannot resist. A love that says, “I am going to love you no matter what you do or say to me!” A love that says, “I am going to be here for you whether you want me to be or not, because I love you!” A love that says, “I am not going to let you hurt yourself, me or others because you mean too much to me!” A love that has nothing to do with how we, as parents, feel. We are not toddlers controlled by emotions, but adults who can and must control our emotions.

These children need a love that isn’t a passing warm feeling, but an unwavering commitment. A love that is a daily choice, sometimes a daily battle, but these kids are worth the battle. A love that cannot be shaken by the hard behaviors born in their history of loss and rejection. A love that does not fade or diminish when it is not reciprocated. A love that does not look like any other “love” this world tries to sell us." - Me ;)

Read whole post here:

Click here to see article on No Hands But Ours blog

3/24/15: Click here to see photos on FB:

Easter Egg Hunt at the FL Governor's Mansion. So glad we were invited again this year as the kids look forward to this event every year!

3/31/15: Click here to see photos on FB:

This is where a bleeding heart will you! ;) Sunday night we went to pick up a rescue Great Pyrenees girl who had been living under a shed and needed a home. Apparently she had 6 little puppies who were very sick and we knew they needed to see a vet right away. Mama was sick too and all her milk had dried up, now we have an unexpected $200 vet bill and 6 three-week old puppies that we are bottle feeding.

But aren't they ADORABLE!!! And mama is sweet as pie and is more of a blessing to us then we are to her! Some things in life are about making it a priority to do what is right, not what we have time or money for. Good thing I have some awesome kiddos to help with constant feedings and God's amazing strength to continue to add to our life of busy chaos!

Posted by Shannon

With Open Arms: Adopting From Disruption

Yesterday an awesome blog, "No Hands But Ours" published a guest post we wrote on adoption disruption.

"We have no secret recipe for healing. But we do have a commitment to love these kids the way Jesus loves us. And when we fail and just cannot muster up the strength or feeling to show that love, Jesus supernaturally loves them through us. My goal as mom isn’t for my kids to love me, but for them to love Jesus who is real and lives in me!"- Me 

To see post click here: "with open arms: adopting from disruption"


Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Best of Facebook: January 2015

1/15/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I was up until 12am last night making decorations for an upcoming baby shower. Brian asked if I was doing okay, if there was any sadness. I was able to genuinely say that I was so excited for this expectant mama and poured myself into serving her that I didn't have time to be sad! I love how God tells us to serve others, and if we really do, how much healing and comfort we recieve in return!

Ways we have served our pregnant friends in the past are coming over to help clean their house, bringing by nausea care packages, watch their other children on super sick days or doctor appts, bring them meals, create a painting or wall mural for their newborn, help with decorations or baby shower planning, etc.

When you, pregnant mama, are rejoicing in your pregnancy even the hardships, it makes it easier for me to rejoice with you. But when you complain, whine and become bitter about the body changes, pain or sickness you are experiencing due to your pregnancy, it begats bitterness in me. All I can think about is, "What I wouldn't give to experience life inside me, how I would take all these passing discomforts just for the chance."Click here for blog post: Pregnant Mama, Know that I Sorrowfully Rejoice with You 


1/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

This article perfectly addresses the attachment comment that we recieved 100 times while we were foster parents, "Oh, I could never be a foster parent! I would just get to attached!"

"By God’s grace, we will survive the grief of giving up our foster son. Though the pain will be great, we have the coping skills and resources to deal with the loss. But if he were to go without the love and attachment he needs at this point in his development, he couldn't simply catch up later in life. It’s crucial for his sake that we risk the pain of getting “too attached.”

Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 10:39). We want to lose our lives for the sake of our foster son—not only because he needs us to, but because Christ met our even more desperate need. Every dirty diaper, every nighttime feeding, every heart-wrenching visit with his birth parents, and every court date and call from his social worker remind us that we are losing our lives. We are giving our hearts away to this little boy we have no promise of keeping. Still, no matter the sacrifices we make, they pale compared to all that Christ sacrificed to save us." From article, read on:

Click here to see article: "Wanted: Parents Willing to Get Too Attached"

1/18/15: Click here to see post on FB:

This page just hit 1,000, which is crazy! Only 100 of those are people that we are personally know and are friends with on FB. This started as such a humble page for a tiny family blog, now it feels like an extention of our own family, a place for encouragement, gentle criticism, and overwhelming support as we walk this narrow road with lots of bumps, hurdles and trials.

I want to take this opportunity to make it clear that we are SO imperfect. We mess up daily. We are tempted and we sin. We sometimes overlook bad attitudes in our own hearts as we counsel our children on theirs. We struggle to daily lay ourselves on the altar (Rom 12:1), to sacrifice our own wants and desires for others inside and out of our family. We truly are "an imperfect family following the will of a perfect God!"

Thank you for your support and ongoing prayers! They mean the world to us and are greatly needed. It feels like the bigger our blog becomes the more we are stalked and tempted by the evil one, who is ready to pounce and devour (1Pet 5:8). We pray our faith is strengthened, our dross is refined, and our love for the Lord is greater this year than ever before! We pray that we may glorify God in all we say and do and continually be striving to point people, not to us, but to Jesus!

1/21/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"This journey of adopting hurting kids is truly walking in the footsteps of Jesus. We get to extend love to little people with, sometimes, no love reciprocated back. We get to love unconditionally just as Jesus loved the crowd that shouted "crucify Him" with all His heart that He laid down His own life for them!

"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." (Romans 8:15-17).

I love how He tells us not to fear! We know our adoption is secure and we are children and heirs of Christ. He gives us an amazing hope of glory if we suffer with Him. Don't fear the hurt and suffering adoption may bring, it is in this that we can glorify our Father in Heaven and later be glorified! We can adopt because we are adopted! We can love these children because we are SO loved!"
-by 5Kids6Months; re-posted from May 7th, 2014

1/23/15: Click here to see post on FB:

We received a call from an adoption recruiter with Wendys' Wonderful Kids program with the Dave Thomas Foundation today. She said she had saw our old profile on AdoptUsKids.org and felt we were a match for some of the kids she was trying to place. She told us about several medically special needs children, one in particular, Brittany, she really wanted us to meet. She has several medically needy children and two sibling groups (one of 4 kids, the other of 3 kids) she is desperately trying to advocate for and find FL families for. (If you are interested in sibling groups or not fearful of medical needs and are a FL homestudy ready family then I will give you her email address).

We prayed long ago, before any child stepped in our home, that we would to be open and willing to take ANY child God called us for.

Well, "God, was that You?" Pray for Brittany as they send us her full child profile and we begin to pray God's will for our family.

1/23/15: Click here to see post on FB:

(Follow-up to previous post): Well...Brittany's full child study is scary and overwhelming at first read. We read it to the kids and they all said, "Of course we should adopt her!"

I reminded them of some of the huge needs, like, "What about the fact that she may not live to see her 18th birthday due to aHUS? Or that she is completely bound to her wheelchair, being fed via G-tube? And will take away some of my attention to attend to her needs?"

All the children thought and agreed with Anthony's response, "Mom, what if we are her only chance at knowing what it is like to have a family? She has spent 8 years already in fostercare, if we don't say yes, then who will?"

Isaiah 6:8 is reeling through my head, "Here I am Lord, send me!"

Anyone want to remind me of all the stuff I post on this page about following Jesus and not fear?....

1/27/15: Click here to see post on FB:

So 4 days ago we receive a call from Wendy's Wonderful Kids recruiter about a little girl named Brittany (info in previous post) and we began to pray that God would open our hearts toward her. Then tonight we attend our monthly foster/adoptive parent support group meeting and the speaker is from no other than Wendy's Wonderful Kids. Just as Brian and I were ready to chalk it up to a complete coincidence she plays this video.

Before the video was over both of us had a deep confirmation as if God Himself was reaching through to the bottom of our fearful hearts to say, "Out of all the families out there I chose YOUR family specifically for MY Brittany." Please watch and share this awesome 2 minute video because unadoptable IS unacceptable!

1/29/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Today is a very special day! Not only are we celebrating this awesome man turning 39 but the kids that surround him worked hard and saved up over $60 to treat him to lunch at China Super Buffet AND buy him his favorite cake, Raspberry Elegance, from Publix!

This is so poignant to show not only the healing in their little hearts but the leaps and bounds they have made in empathy, compassion and the love that has grown for this man they call "daddy!"

You are awesome Brian and SO worth this and so much more! Love you and happy happy birthday to my favorite!

1/31/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Showing our support for the Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption by buying free frosty keychains!

1/31/15: Click here to see post on FB:

With great love, comes a greater risk of pain.

Our lives have been opened up for comments, criticism, ridicule, but mainly for great encouragement! We have once again announced to the world that we are willing to walk down a road of adoption. Maybe for one who is healthy, maybe one who is sick. Maybe for one who is advanced, maybe one who is delayed. Maybe for one, maybe five.

Sweet little old ladies say the funniest things when we break this news every year to our church, "So I hear you are thinking about adopting again?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, that is true."
"You are going to be like the little old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many kids she didn't know what to do." People listening in began to giggle.
Me: "Hopefully not the shoe part, but when I don't know what to do I must solely rely on God. That is where I want to stay."

All I have to offer God and this child is my willingness. I am not the perfect wife. I am not a fantastic mother. I am not a great teacher. I can't ever get to the bottom of my to-do list. I stumble and fail much. I am not thinking of adopting again because I think I can handle it. I am not necessarily even ready. I want to adopt again because Jesus does. See adoption is bigger than just us. Through our adoption story runs a scarlet thread. A thread knotting our hearts for adoption to the One who adopted our hearts.

By opening up the door to adoption, I am offering myself as a sacrifice to the One who sacrificed all to me. Emptying myself so I can be filled with His glory. I am simply saying, "Lord I am willing, if you choose, use me." So when my husband loves me fiercely, my children call me blessed and onlookers say, "you are amazing, how do you do it?" I can say, "It is not me, but the One who lives in me!"

Posted by Shannon

Is "All You Need is Love" True in the World of Adoption?

 

Happy National Adoption Month!

Happy National Adoption Day!

When adopting any child other than a newborn infant you are often met with one of two responses. Response one is the I-know-someone-with-experience-but-have-none-myself response, "I knew a person that had a cousin whose brother adopted two older boys and they burnt the house down." Response two is the I-have-absolutely-no-experience-and-don't-know-anyone-who-does-response, "Oh, older adopted kids have problems but all they need is some love and snuggles!" We were met with both of these at the beginning of our adoption journey and neither are true. Well, I don't know if the person's cousin's brother really had their house burned down or not....

When beginning down this path labeled adoption let us be encouraged by the truth, educate ourselves and open our hearts to God for Him to supernaturally equip us through the trips, falls and fires we could not have planned for. Here are three very real facts about adoption:

1. Adoption is only necessary because a child lost the family they were born into. Whether due to their parent's death, an unwanted pregnancy, abandonment, neglect, abuse, or trauma remember that adoption is born in loss. We, as adoptive parents, are on the joyful side, saturated in the joy of growing our family, our children are swimming in the grief of losing theirs. Our compassion for their hurt is often what propels us to want to adopt them in the first place!
2. Children will act out and exhibit hard behaviors due to their struggle to walk through that loss. Think if a stranger came and took you away from your husband, your children, and your friends and dropped you off in another home, "I know you are sad to leave your family but this new family has been waiting and waiting for a new mommy and they are so glad you are here!" Don't you think you would act a little, or maybe a lot, crazy! Let our compassion perservere even when the trials of behaviors hit long and hard.
3. Children struggling with loss, grief, bonding and attachment will need more than just love. Yes, love is a huge key in their healing. The right kind of love. Not always huggy kissy love but a secure love. A love that says I am not going anywhere and there is nothing you can do that would take my love away. You can't steal enough, or lie enough, or run away enough to break my unending love for you. A love that is an action, a choice and a daily fight to put on. Besides an unshakable love these children may need some extra help from loved ones, friends, counselors and therapists. That is okay, because as they say, "it takes a village to raise a child." Don't be afraid to call on your village for help.

I have shared many of our struggles walking through the adoption story God has weaved for us. So many trying times that almost broke me to the point of quitting, of giving up. But hope shines through. Hope is not lost in adoption. There is an amazing event that transpires only through adoption. That is the reflection of what God has done for us. God had such a great compassion for us that "while we were yet sinners Christ died for us" (Rom. 5:8). Then although we are justified, although God has adopted us as His sons and daughters we still sin and behave contrary to His Word (Rom. 7:19). But God's love is unfailing and there is nothing that can pluck us out of His hand (John 10:28). "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).


This is our adoption story told through 2 years of previous blog posts or videos:

• January 2012 - Why me, God?
• July 2012 - Our instant family video
• February 2013 - Our valentine's day adoption post and video
• March 2013 - Why we desire to go to the CAFO adoption conference
• May 2013 - Recollection of what we learned at CAFO adoption conference and memories of sending a difficult child away.
• September 2013 - A parable like story of a wicked woman, a king and adoption
• October 2013 - What does the bible say about RAD and attachment issues?
• January 2014 - It is not a good time to adopt again but we are doing it anyway
• February 2014 - I can't handle this thing called adoption anymore
• March 2014 - Adoption and birth order
• March 2014 - Adoption and fostering attachment through fostering pets
• March 2014 - Brian, my husband, didn't want to adopt, he wrote why
• March 2014 - Healing in the Hurt; Putting on love while battling behaviors that stem from attachment issues
• May 2014 - Our 2 year adoption anniversary
• October 2014 - We chose to love our adopted kids best when we love their birth parents

     (Picture: A friend's princess party where the kids dressed up as princesses, knights and....a Croom)

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Fostering Attachment and Love

In our home we have older children that struggled with Reactive Attachment Disorder symptoms and behaviors for some time. In just three years those same children are well-adjusted, attached, and loving members of our family. Someone asked me recently how that could be? How are they healed and just like normal attached kids? RAD is supposed to haunt them for life. Their past cannot be undone.

No, their past will forever be a part of who they are but the hurt can be undone. First with the help of the true Healer, Jesus Christ, and second with consistent modeling and practicing what love really is.

Love does NOT mean you will never get hurt. Unconditional love means you WILL get hurt but you love anyway!

Three things we know about foster kids from hard places:

1. They have a difficult time trusting or attaching to adults in authoritative parental roles.
2. They have a difficult time connecting with and understanding their emotions.
3. They have a difficult time feeling, receiving, giving, or showing love.

As I said, foster children need consistent modeling and practicing what love really is. Due to what we know about them, that they have a difficult time trusting or attaching to adults in authoritative parental roles, even if we, as adults, are consistently modeling love it may not be accepted or trusted simply due to our role.

What now? How do we bypass #1 to begin kindling connections, correct emotions (#2) and love (#3)?

One of the biggest helps God laid on my heart was to continue to foster pets while fostering children. I was a foster parent to hundreds of furry little ones before my heart changed and bled for the hurting human foster children. Together with our children, over the past two years, we have fostered over 35 animals. We have fostered orphaned kitties and puppies, blind, mange-covered and skinny older dogs, and deathly sick cats. Fostering pets has lavished benefits on our family as our children were walking through the grief of their deepest hurts.

Four reasons why foster pets taught my children love better than I can:

1. Attachments are created to happen with babies, while they are still cute and cuddly.
2. Pets (Dogs specifically) can make known the hidden emotions of their owners and give them a voice.
3. Teaches love without segregation, love outside the limits of species, breed, or color. 
4. Death or adoption of a pet allows us, as parents, to walk with them through their loss. 

1. Attachments are created to happen with cute and cuddly babies.

Before kids, when I worked at an animal shelter, I remember seeing the old, quirky dogs and grumpy cats, filled with fear. I watched them as all with cute and cuddly puppies and kittens got adopted and these older pets were passed by. As a shelter worker these are the animals you spoil, take home on the weekends and hold lovingly, whispering that they are loved, when their time is up. What is it about newness and cuteness that draws a stranger's heart to fall in love. I have to tell you there is no redeeming qualities to a puppy or kitten other than they are SUPER cute! They pee everywhere and all the time, they chew and scratch and they don't listen but when they sleepily purr on your lap or lick your face you are helplessly smitten.

          

In foster children, empathy, nurture and affection can be kindled with cute babies in a way that cannot be displayed with us as adults. We are that old, quirky dog or grumpy cat waiting for love. We may be modeling and practicing love, wagging our tail and purring but there is just something that is sparked when cuteness is a factor. God designed babies to be cute for a reason!

Trials and hardships with pets, cleaning up messes or feeding and giving with no return on investment, can materialize what unconditional love truly means and looks like. It means loving even when time or money is lost and love is not reciprocated. Pointing out the child's unconditional love toward their pets can help them visualize our unconditional love for them despite their messes.

                                            

2a. Pets expose hidden emotions.

Authority in our lives is good (Romans 13:1-8). It holds us accountable and can be a huge help to us. When authorities put in place to care for us don't we are left hurt. Giving our children small roles of authority over furry helpless pets can open conversation about how wonderful God designed authority to be. God is our ultimate authority, always in perfect love, caring for us(Romans 9:19-21). Parents are the authority over their children, without anger, teaching and disciplining them (Ephesians 6:1-4). Humans are in authority over the animals, with good stewardship, caring for them (Genesis 1:26).

Foster children often struggle with control and lacking trust in their parental authorities. When in a relationship with a pet, the foster child can be in the controlling, authoritative role as the "parent". The foster child can control feedings, baths, training and affection. Please note, this role is guided by or taken over by the foster parent when the role is played with any anger or neglect. The foster child can be guided to be a calm and loving authority. Pointing out the child's success in fulfilling their role as a "foster parent" to this orphaned animal and explaining the appreciation this pet must have for them can rub off as the child's eyes and hearts are opened with appreciation toward their own foster parents. 

Dogs obey authorities (cats not so much). In a dog pack there will be one leader, the authority of the pack. This dog leader is always calm and assertive (as Cesar Millan would say). Dogs will not follow a sporadic, easily-angered, or fearful leader. A dog can often reflect the invisible emotions our kids have inside them. A mirror for their hearts. We can help our kids work out their emotions to practice a calm demeanor so they will enjoy their foster dog or puppy more.  

2b. Foster pets can give our foster kids a voice.

Kids who may not be able to put a labeled emotion on their feelings may be able to label the emotion of a foster pet. When the puppy is crying and howling the first new night in your home the child can label that the puppy is sad. We can develop conversation that relates to their own hidden emotions, "I bet you felt like this foster puppy the first night you came here, you felt sad right?" The conversation can escalate to reasoning behind those emotions. "The foster puppy is sad because he misses his mommy dog." "I bet you feel sad when you miss your mommy." Foster children can more easily verbalize what a foster pet may be feeling than their own emotions. Since the feeling are often mutual, they are essentially exposing their own emotions.

3. Love without boundaries.

When falling in love with a hurting and in need foster pet there is no segregation due to species, breed or color. We don't say, "You, little kitten, are not a human therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their difference of species. We don't say, "You, little puppy, are not my favorite breed of dog therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their breed. We don't say, "You, little bunny, are white and I only love spotted bunnies therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their color. Loving a cross-species pet can show that love crosses even the most difficult boundaries, that love knows no segregation (Galatians 3:28). We can show that just as their love can grow for a different species pet our love can grow for them regardless of their background, heritage or race differences. We see a need and we meet it, regardless of where they came from (James 1:27).

                                                

4. Foster pets allow loss and grief.

Death or adoption of a pet brings about a sort of planned loss and grief. A loss unlike their immediate, chaotic and tumultuous exit from their previous family. This type of loss allows understanding, processing and allows us to walk them through the stages of grief. This type of loss still hurts, sometimes deep, but to love unconditionally is to hurt. We don't refuse to help an injured foster pet for fear of death, we love and help them in their hurt even if death and loss is imminent. This type of controlled or planned loss can help bring back old losses and re-walk through that grief appropriately.

Adoption of a pet brings a good mix of grief and joy, a mix of loss and new life. Watching a once orphaned or hurting foster pet find an adoptive family makes real the joy and newness of adoption! It can also help a foster child sympathize with their foster parent if and when it comes time for the foster child to be reunited with their family. They can begin to see that the mix of sadness and joy can and sometimes do coexist.

Foster children with foster pets learn to love, lose and love again. Isn't that the cycle we want to culminate and grow in our children that are struggling to love after past loss and hurts?

 

The greatest thing about foster pets is they reflect God's perfect love for foster children and us.

If God loved these little furry creatures so much to send a rescue to them through children foster parents then how much more does God love these little helpless children to send a rescue to them through adult foster parents. (Matthew 10:29-31, Matthew 6:25-34)

In the same way, if God loved these little helpless children so much to send a rescue to them through adult foster parents then how much more does God love these adult, imperfect parents to send a rescue to them through His very own Son, Christ Jesus (Romans 5:6-8, Isaiah 40:26-31, John 3:16-18).

"We love, because He first loved us" - 1 John 4:19


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone 

I am attached.

*Warning: Venting in progress*=Compliments 101: When giving a compliment please refrain from telling that person how they are doing something SO great, then proceed to tell them what quality or trait it is that you have a larger supply of, thus disqualifying you from ever taking part in the great thing they are doing.

This is the one I hear ALL the time: "WOW. What you are doing for those kids, ...as a foster parent, is SO great! I could never do what you do, I would get attached!"

"Yea, I lack the necessary skill as a mother to attach or bond in any way with children. It makes me a perfect foster parent. They need someone who won't bond with them at all, someone who will always have one foot out the door. That is why I am perfect!"

I hear it from most people everywhere I go, and I know they mean well, but I can't help the sarcastic remarks fly through my head while my mouth smiles and says "thank you". *Deep breath, venting complete*

I DO get attached, just like you! I DO bond! I absolutely LOVE my kids and would be heartbroken if they left. The thought of a possibility of not seeing Hailey turn 2 years old is enough to make tears well and my stomach churn. The thought of not hearing Kylin's laugh makes me hug him tighter when I hold him. The thought of a removed birth parent showing up to "claim" Uribe, Yukehily or Ludian makes me burn with enough fire to up and move to Canada the moment we sign the adoption papers.

 

 

                            

 

 After leaving with Hailey each time she visits with her birth father I cringe at the meer thought of one day leaving without her. I compare it to loving a terminally ill child. Watching them grow and loving them, then getting the news that they "don't have much longer" with you. At least if she was terminally ill I would rest assured she would be joining her perfect father in heaven.

 The crazy thing about foster parents is we sign up to love and attach to a child knowing they may not be with us for longer than 6 month or a year. I look at it this way: If God came to you while you were pregnant and said this baby will be a joyous blessing for 1 year then I will take her home, would you still have the baby, would you still attach!?! YES!!! I hug Hailey longer, let playtime linger, and melt at the sound of her laugh. God is the giver and taker of life. He orchestrates our paths. He is sovreign over all joy and sorrow. He works works all to good to those who love Him. If Hailey leaves our family, I will grieve, and I will lean completely the trust I have in God, her father, to protect her here on earth when I cannot.

 I am attached.

Posted by Shannon