Best of Facebook: April 2016

4/1/2016: Click here to see post on FB:
In the process of updating our homestudy (we do so every year) and it asks for a "Statement regarding your motivation to adopt." Here is ours:

We believe God cares deeply for the orphan and as Christians we are the hands and feet of God to show love and care for the least of these. We believe that every child deserves a safe family where they know they are loved regardless of their abilities, behavior, race, age, or history. We desire to make the least desirable children know that they are wanted and the hardest to place children know that they are deeply loved by us and their heavenly Father. We have built our family through the beautiful brokenness of adoption and wouldn’t have it any other way!

We are not perfect but one thing we have proven in our family dynamic is we have the commitment to love children from hard places. We have parented difficult trauma-related behaviors, delinquency, disorders such as RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD, and Enuresis. We have also navigated parenting many medical needs including Giant Congenital Melanocytic Nevus, atypical Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome (aHUS), Microcephaly, seizure disorder, Cerebral Palsy, vision impairment, global developmental delays, short gut syndrome, and GJ-tube dependency. We are willing to work with doctors, counselors and therapist to provide the best quality of life for any child God calls on us to welcome into our large family!

:) What is your motivation?

4/2/2016: Click here to see photo album on FB:

I used to work with Parks and Rec and my favorite time of year was helping put together our bi-annual parade float. Although I don't work there anymore I still have the opportunity to create props and costumes and now the kids get to participate too! We have so much fun being apart of these parades and, oh, the memories we make!!!

4/3/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

We got a frantic call while out on a date tonight. "Mom! Mom! Are you on your way home soon!?!"
"No, we are still at dinner, why? What is going on?"
His voice was shaking, "Mom, Buttercream's in labor! The hooves...the hooves are out!!!"
I smiled and mouthed to Brian that our cow was having her baby, "Anthony that is great!"
His voice becomes more frantic and he is having a hard time catching his breath, "But mom! What do I do? Will you come home? What do I do?"
I want to laugh at his intense concern but instead I used a more serious tone, "Anthony, calm down. You have read every farm book we own, every book on cows from the library, every cow pregnancy article online and watched every cow birthing video on youtube. You are a fully trained cow midwife (midhusband?) so breath and you'll be fine. You can do it!"
I hear very controlled breathing in and out, "Okay, thanks mom. I can do this!"

Not but a few minutes later, as we were heading home, we got a call that it was a boy! Brian and I arrived to all the children in their pajamas huddled around the birthing stall watching as mama licked her baby calf clean, cheering as baby stood on his own and took his wobbly first steps, and cherished in their heart the miracle of a new life on the farm! Welcome baby Cornbread!!!

4/6/2016: Click here to see video on FB:

Port surgery 1/2: Today Brittney is having a new chest port put in and she is in a good mood! :)

Brittney has been doing great since we have been home from the hospital! We have seen vast improvements since switching her to a real food diet, her cognitive abilities and speech have improved and her vocabulary has grown. We have also been able to wean her off ALL five of her daily meds!

She is healthy and infection free so today she is having surgery to have a new chest port placed. Brittney has been a great blessing in our life! God is good and faithful!!!

4/6/2016: Click here to see video on FB:

Port surgery 2/2: Today Brittney is having a new chest port put in and she is in a good mood! :)

2nd video before Britt's port surgery. She is too cute! And so happy!

4/6/2016: Click here to see video on FB:

Post-op: Brittney's Port surgery went well! She is a little "drunk" but is doing good, in great spirits considering, asking for food and to go home. :)

4/11/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

Mirabel has taken over milking Willow while I work on milking our new-in-milk cow, Buttercream. Twelve years old and she loves milking her goats and, now, a cow. You may think, that's cool, milking a cow, must be easy if a 12 year old can do it. But I didn't hand this chore over lightly. That creature weighs almost 1,000lbs and one kick could send you to the ER. It takes and calm, gentle, forgiving and very patient spirit to have a cow stand calmly for you while you squeeze and tug on her nether-regions!

See I had to learn that kind of spirit, I had to beg God to give it to me after being kicked, swatted at with a urine-soaked tail and having the milk bucket knocked over. I had to forgive Willow, speak gently to her, move calmly around her, and show her love even when I felt like wringing her huge cow neck!

But you see, Mirabel may be like her mama in a lot of ways, but in this case she is not. Willow took to her immediately, trusted her, and stood perfectly still right away. Sometimes the best lessons in this life don't come from books or college but from the heart of God's creation, children and from the creatures we least expect it to, like Willow the cow. :)

4/16/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

The kids reminded me that this is Brittney's first RV trip! Texas here we come! Can't wait for a week of camping, family-time, and fellowship!

4/21/2016: Click here to see post on FB:

Many of you may know we were recently preparing to adopt a special needs boy from an adoption dissolution (disruption, divorce).

We have always approached adoption the same, that we are are open and willing to walk whatever path God has for us. That means if we are approached to adopt a child we say yes and walk forward regardless of the challenges that may lie ahead. We trust the Lord will give us the grace and strength to endure and the patience to love any of His children. We aren't special or endowed with more patience, grace or strength than any other Christian. We are simply willing to trust God in the area of family planning and adoption. We renew our homestudy year after year not because we think we can handle more but because God is the caretaker of the orphans and we were adopted by Him. Therefore as the hands and feet of Jesus we care for the orphans and we adopt after our Father. We don't pray for God to "open the door to adoption," we feel He already has. We first pray we will trust Him as we walk forward through the open door and then we pray He will clearly close the door if this is not the child He has for our family. We see lots of closed doors. We see even more trust as our faith in our awesome God grows each time.

With that said, although we were willing to adopt again and we were in process of making it happen, we were also praying the entire time that God would clearly shut that door by rising up a family in this child's home state to adopt him before our homestudy was completed. And praise God that is exactly what happened! A family has come forward for this little boy, in his home state and we couldn't be more excited. We are now praying for this child, his new family and whatever God may have in store for us (we are praying about embryo adoption, but that is a different story). :)

4/24/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

We are home! Our trip to Big Sandy, TX was sweet and quite inspiring, maybe I will find some time to write more detailed about it soon. But we are so glad to be back on the farm. I did miss it, even though we all thoroughly enjoyed the break!

We drove home all day Saturday and I spent last night/this morning from 1am-8am in the ER with Brittney. Turns out it wasn't as severe as we originally thought just several small things piled on top of each other so she just was feeling no good. She has a mild cold, an awful yeast diaper rash and added inflammation due to becoming a little lady, a mild bladder infection and constipation (even though we had a bm every day). Rest, fluids, prescription cream, antibiotics and some Miralax and in a few days I am sure she will be up and feeling great again! :)

When my expectations were to be hospitalized again this news is a blessing! Sometimes the difference between blessings and burdens is just in what lenses you choose to look at life through. With all this little girlie's challenges (and now womanhood, oh my!) I still wouldn't trade her for the world! She is God's gift and blessing to us! We are so undeserving!!!

4/26/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

Worry happens when we assume responsibility for things that God never intended us to. The remedy for worry is trust. Worry won't heal my broken toe but trusting in God' goodness gives me a peace while it takes time to mend.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

What are you worried about? Can you trust the Lord with that area of your life?

P.S. Excuse my poorly manicured toes, I even thought maybe I should re-paint them before taking a pic (how vain) but real mommy-hood sometimes looks like dirty toes and chipped nail polish. ;)

4/26/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

I am contemplating locking myself in a closet for 24 hours! LOL :) 

I feel like a comedy of errors! A couple weeks ago I schedule a wellness exam at my doctor as necessary to update our adoption homestudy.
So 2 days ago I take Britt to the ER and pick up a nasty cough, yesterday I break my toe, and today, IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, I take a sip from my water bottle while holding my physical form and the paper perfectly slices my cornea!

Ha! Life is never boring indeed....

4/27/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

Britt-head is feeling so much better today! She is such an easy girl, seriously my easiest kid even with all her medical craziness, because her spirit is so sweet and joyful! She calls me over to show me all the toys she has been looking at sitting quietly on the couch. "Look mommy, toys, YAY!" Can't help but smile around this girl. We are seeing such a HUGE improvement in her mood, language, vocabulary and cognitive abilities since switching to her to an all-natural formula, Liquid Hope. It is amazing to watch!

Lots of good news today, my eye feels so much better, yesterday it felt like someone was rubbing a tree branch across it over and over. Ow! I don't have my vision completely back so I didn't feel comfortable driving, so a friend came by and picked up 3 big kids to go to the abortion clinic where we minister some Wednesday mornings. Then Anthony was picked up to help friends install gutters, lately because he is so smart and hard-working many friends and local farms hire him to help them out with building, yard and farm projects. And my favorite event is that Brian is off work today! It is beautiful out so we are all going to take a drive to an local fruit tree farm to plant the beginning of a fruit orchard on our property. God is good!

4/29/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

Mommy wars are real! Babies and kids don't come with manuals. Let us always season our words with grace, educate in private and encourage in public :)

Our baby Pygmy goat, Boberry, staring in his very first meme! ;)

Posted by Shannon

Best of Facebook: October 2015

10/1/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Click here to read blog post: "What Does the Bible Say About Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?"

Two years ago I was desperate and finally beginning to open up about our biggest and hardest struggles with our children. It seemed like every time I became bold enough to share the most recent tantrum or incident we had in our home I was told by fellow moms, "Oh, they are just being a kid. This is just a stage they are going through. All kids do that." Finally our youth pastor and his wife sat down and listened to us and the desperateness in our tone. A few weeks later he presented us with this book, he had found it, read it and believed it would be very helpful to us.

Now I had already read book after book, The Connected Child, The Whole-Brained Child, etc and read blog after blog. We had done years of counseling and therapy (including EDMR for a couple months which I do not hold a high opinion of). I was tired of bad news and hopelessness. I was skeptical that another book, another author could help me. BUT, this book was different and as I read it it didn't just give me more head knowledge and parenting tools but it fed my soul. It gave me a renewed view of my children. Not through my worn and weary, struggling to show love eyes but helped me view them through the eyes of Jesus who loves them unconditionally and sacrificially!

This book did change our lives. So much so just months after reading this book God called us to adopt our Sam from an adoption disruption who was diagnosed with RAD. God had shown us so much of His healing power in so little time that we extended trust in Him once again as we pursued another. The healing in Sam was very evident very quickly. He is a walking testimony of the goodness of God and such a blessing to us!

Just less than a year ago one of our children had an isolated incident that led to us having all of our children interviewed and and evaluated by two licensed therapists. I told them our past diagnoses of RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD and chronic enuresis. I told them briefly of the horrifying history of their lives before coming into our care. After hours in the office while they saw and spoke with each individual child they called me in the room. What they said to me had me in tears, "Ma'am, we have never met such smart, happy, focused, well-mannered and ATTACHED children as we have seen today. They have only been with you a short 3 years and they don't fit any of their previous diagnoses and whatever you are doing is amazing!"

"But it isn't me, they are healing despite my failures, it is Jesus!"

10/2/15: Click here to see article on FB:

Click here to view article at Church for Every Child

We often hear, "it takes a special person to raise someone else's children!" or "I could never do what you are doing." Well, I am not super-human for sure, most of the time I look around and wish I was as patient or loving or kind as so-and-so. So to be honest, if I can adopt and parent these kids ANYBODY can do it.

When people ask how do you do it, I say "I am not, it's Jesus." Our human love will never be enough to heal these kids, our human therapies will never be enough to heal these kids but these things coupled with the love of Jesus is what HAS healed my kids! That is why it has to be the followers of Christ that step up to the plate and sacrifically lay down their lives to give these kids one! We, the church, and our church congregations have got to step up and love these kids, our neighbors.

But love is not enough for the days after adoption. We must also be willing to become equipped in attachment parenting. Far too many adoptions are being disrupted (FL has a current disruption rate of 42%). We get emails and calls non-stop from some of these desperate families hanging on by a thread. Why? Because adoption is HARD. It is born in pain, grief, loss and sin. Adoption is a beautiful blessing but it is like a rose that takes time to grow from the ashes. What got us through isn't the skills we had to learn, the trainings we attended, the books we read or the therapies we sat through. What got us through and is getting us through is the unwavering commitment to love these kids regardless of their behavior. A commitment to pursue them as they push away from us with a supernatural love. Did we not run away from God, withhold our affections from Him, live our lives in a way that didn't please Him? But while we were in our sin He loved us so much He laid down His life for us. What pulls us through the hardest days is a deep desire, not to adopt or love, but a to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus by loving sinners the same way He did, with His very life.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

Every year Brittney's school takes their special kids and their families to camp for 4 days. Brian wasn't able to come so me and these 7 kiddos attended and had lots of fun. Brittney's school bussed us to the FL Elks Youth camp where they put us up in air-conditioned cabins, fed us like kings and had tons of fun activities ready for us! The kids had lots of time in the pool, got to tie-dye shirts, participate in a ropes course, practice archery, ate lots of icecream and desserts, danced the night away and made smores at a bonfire! Here are some pics of our time.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Three hours and some sore fingers but I am feeling pretty accomplished tonight! She kept looking in the mirror and saying "so pretty, so pretty!" She likes it so it was worth it! :)

10/13/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Click here to see blog post with link to this interview

We enjoyed having France 2 TV out today for our interview. They were very kind and patient with us and the kids felt like little stars for sure being followed around by a huge camera. I could tell that the kids were also intrigued by their beautiful language and accents, maybe after Spanish class we will take up French. :)

My favorite moment was due to English being their second language one asked, "Do you breed your animals?"
To which I said, "yes, we have bred some at times."
"Ah, so can we film you breeding the animals?"
"Um, well, if that is what you think would make good tv then I suppose...."
"Oh! I meant to say feed! Can we film you feeding the animals!"
"LOL, Yes! We feed all the animals everyday. We can film that." :)
We all got a good laugh at that one.

10/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I came across a journal from 2012 that I had kept at the request of our counselor. Everyday it had a very short entry of what behaviors we dealt with that day. As I read through them I had forgotten some of the huge daily struggles we have worked through. I showed the journal to our big kids, "See this is why I was such a crazy mom when you first came, I didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff."
Mirabel read it over, "Geez, I can't believe I did this stuff to you. We really were awful!"
"Yea, but you know what I was doing at the same time I was writing these daily journal entries?"
Mirabel smirked, "Crying and eating chocolate?"
"I suppose. At the same time that you were running away, hitting me, cussing me out and doing everything in your power to push me away I was getting fingerprinted and background checked and filling out mountains of paperwork to make you mine."

Adoption is the living gospel. For it was me who was that little orphan girl running from the love of a Father. Yet even in my fighting and running He gave up everything, His only perfect Son, for a chance to adopt me as His own. I now love Him, because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Our kids love us now because we chose to show them a glimpse of our Father's love.

Adopt because you were adopted! Even when you don't "feel" it, love your kids because your Father loves you! Even though they push and push you away, pursue your kids because your Father pursued you! Even when it feels too hard to keep going, don't give up because your Father didn't give up on you! Even now, in this trial, in this struggle remember that He promises, if we love Him, He will work all things together for our good! (Rom. 8:28)

10/21/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A young stranger was walking up our long driveway, something small and white let out soft cries in his arms. I walked halfway out to greet him, "Is everything okay?"

"Ma'am we had a goat and she just gave birth to this baby but she died right after. You have goats and we know you will take good care of her."

As I held this tiny little life now entrusted in our care I was reminded of the verse in Prov 12:10 that says, "a righteous man has regard for the life of his animal..." I am so thankful for the reputation that God has granted us in our community. A reputation that no matter the species, breed or color, if they are in need of a family they can find one with open arms here.

Welcome home baby Abba. I hope your place on our farm continually reminds us that God is "Abba, Father" to the orphan.

10/24/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

This is our baby girl, Abba goat. Yes she is dressed as a pumpkin! .... Why? You ask? Because it is freaking adorable!!!

10/25/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"So you guys are in charge of all these kids?" asked a woman who greeted us as we visited a new church today.

"I suppose we are in charge of them...we are a family, these are our children."

We saw the pastor's eyes widen with curiosity as we came to the door to exit. The woman who greeted us earlier turned to the pastor, "They adopted ALL these kids! Seven!"

The pastor shook our hands, "Well, you certainly have your hands full!"

"Sir, we simply took the Bible quite literally when God said, 'pure and undefiled religion is to care for the orphan.'"

10/27/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

We took part in a local homeschool geography fair tonight. We studied China and the kids were able to present what they learned. It was so neat, there were at least 20 other tables to visit and each child got a little passport to fill up with stickers and facts from each Country or State. Lots of tables even had food from their location to taste. We brought freshly cut bamboo from our own bamboo forest on our farm to give away!

Since I have it all together we started this project at 11pm the night before it was due!!! Good thing the kids had been reading lots of library books on China for weeks and quickly cranked out some facts on a poster board! Anthony took charge of the board and table and the this morning I was quite surprised with how well they did all on their own so I spent 4 hours today creating and sewing costumes to bring our China table to life! God poured out His grace as always, we pulled it together and the kids had a blast!:)



Posted by Shannon

With Open Arms: Adopting From Disruption

Yesterday an awesome blog, "No Hands But Ours" published a guest post we wrote on adoption disruption.

"We have no secret recipe for healing. But we do have a commitment to love these kids the way Jesus loves us. And when we fail and just cannot muster up the strength or feeling to show that love, Jesus supernaturally loves them through us. My goal as mom isn’t for my kids to love me, but for them to love Jesus who is real and lives in me!"- Me 

To see post click here: "with open arms: adopting from disruption"


Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Has It Been Two Years Already!?! Happy Adoption Day Anthony, Mirabel and Risa!!!

Two years ago we adopted three siblings that would change our lives forever!

(Photo Commentary: May 2012 taken at the school they grew up in after their adoption)

Happy Adoption Day Anthony, Mirabel and Risa!

These three siblings joined us on June 11th, 2011 in foster care, almost three years ago!

(Photo Commentary: June 2011 taken the first day in our home)

It was a hard road of training, teaching and choosing to show love in the difficult and trying times. It has been a road of earning and learning to trust. A road of loving and being loved. A road paved with tears, prayer and laughter. A road that I would travel again 10,000 times to make them mine!

(Photo Commentary: December 2012 taken in Gatlinburg, TN)

We have learned many lessons along the way. Grown in our knowledge of disorders, behaviors, grief, loss and needs. We made it our goal to point them to the one true Counselor and Physician for ALL their healing. To show them their great need of a Savior. To show them the lovingkindness of Jesus in our words and deeds!

(Photo Commentary: March 2013 taken in Gatlinburg, TN first time seeing snow)

 

We have all been down a road of so much healing that our mended hearts are closely knitted. These children have taught me so much about kids, about love and about myself! They have pushed me closer to my Jesus and given me a joy unspeakable!

(Photo Commentary: April 2013 taken on the Wizard of Oz parade float)

These kids have shown me God's amazing healing power! He has made Himself so much more real to me as He faithfully renews my children's hearts to trust again, to love again, to live again! I post a lot about my very real struggles as an adoptive mama. (Click here for Healing in the Hurt)

There is always hope! Here is my proof! My kids and my struggles were healed over time through the grace and love of Jesus Christ!

(Photo Commentary: November 2013 taken while making homemade applesauce)

On May 30th, 2012 moments before we walked into the courtroom to adopt our first sibling group of three I wept. Not tears of joy. Tears of sorrow. I had so much worry. Worried that I would never be able to help these three children with all their labels and behaviors. Worried that they would never be able to heal. Worried that they would never know the Lord. Worried that they would never be able to give or receive love. I cried tears of fear, not of hope. I was right, I couldn't heal my kids, only Jesus could. My kids labeled with RAD, PTSD, ADHD, and ODD, that failed and got suspended and were delinquent in school and at home, have become NEW. No amount of medications, counseling, therapies or treatment centers can heal them. Although we have used all of those tools at different points in our journey. Only Jesus can take away their hurt heart of stone and give them a new, healed heart made of flesh.

“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

They are healing despite our parenting mistakes and ignorance as we try to be the committed family, with unwavering structure, with consistent guidance and with the endless love that they desperately need. I remember feeling so ill-equipped for so long. Asking "why me?" over and over. I know now why God chose me, not for me to help them but for Jesus to help me. Jesus wanted to teach me more about Himself and the joy of joining in another's suffering. If we don't see the suffering, how can we see the transforming healing?

(Photo Commentary: May 2014 taken in honor of their 2nd Adoption Anniversary)

We are by no means perfect, and neither are our children. We are just a normal, crazy family. We are just parents raising children with childish hearts that still need love, direction and guidance. But we strive to seek the Lord in all things and live to glorify and honor Him alone! We praise God for these children that have strengthened and grown our faith as we walked obediently trusting the Lord. Although we had no idea what was in store, we adopted them and learned what unconditional and unshakable love truly meant! Nothing can separate our hearts from theirs! Adoption is FOREVER!

 

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Healing in the Hurt (Battling fear, anger and bitterness while parenting RAD)

The depression was overwhelming as I sat huddled in the corner of the shower. The hot water rolling down my face blending in with my tears. I was so tired of feeling nauseous. I was so tired of spending hours with my head resting on the toilet seat, staring at my own vomit. I was out of energy, out of love and had a weight of burden and guilt that seemed it would never be lifted. Anxiety had taken over.

 “Lord, what did I do? Is this not what you asked of me? WHY? Why is this so hard, why do I feel as if I am being punished?" No answer. I cried and cried during this bathroom ritual that had become a weekly event and lasted almost two years. Feel guilty, get nauseous, go to sleep, wake up at 2am, throw up, cry in the shower, try to sleep again at 4am. I worried this would be my story for the rest of my life. 

I knew this was what God called me to do. He called my husband and I to pursue and care for the orphan. I knew it was God’s plan. I chose willingly to become a foster parent, even jumped at the chance like an overzealous servant. I chose to have my home checked constantly by the state, to become a counselor and a help to the bio parents and to become a mom to hurting kids. But I didn’t choose the hurt that would be inflicted on me in the process. I didn’t choose the endless lies, the overwhelming theft or the cunning manipulation. I didn’t choose to have to have the sex talk with a 4 year old or to have to train a child to give affection appropriately. I didn’t choose the many police calls about vandalism, suicide threats and run aways. I didn’t choose the tremendous loss of friends, baby-sitters or family support. I didn’t choose the incessant chatter, the head-spinning questions or the rough language. I didn’t choose the verbal abuse, screaming and hitting yet the fake charm turned on around strangers. I didn’t choose the smell of urine everywhere, the daily hidden soiled underwear, or the mysterious poop smears. I didn’t choose the depression, anxiety, intense stress, guilt or anger. (Click here a blog post with a list of RAD symptoms)

Exhaustion took over my body, my mind and my spirit. I felt tired, worn down, and just plain defeated. My feelings were constantly rubbed raw from being betrayed and cursed by the ones I was trying so desperately to help heal. I needed healing. There was no break from the anger and bitterness that grew rapidly inside me. I confided in no one that I was overcome with anger and could not muster up that distant motherly feeling of love. I was stuck in this shell of an energy deficient body devoid of any love.

What was wrong with me that I couldn’t love these children that I prayed so long for and God, so generously, provided for me to care for.

“If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:2b-3

I felt like nothing. I felt empty. How do I stir up feelings of love from nothingness? Well, we all know we cannot create anything out of nothing. I prayed to feel love. It never came. But God did begin to teach me what true love was. True love is sacrificing all (your will, your desires, your time, your life) for others, not because they deserve it but, because God says to.


(Click here to go to our facebook page and read my Christian review of Disney's movie Frozen)

Love is not a feeling but a command to act.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34 

“This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us.” 1 John 3:23

“ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:10

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 and Proverbs 10:12 

But where does love come from. How can I turn from the angry, worn out, bitter mom I have become into the hugging, joyful, soft-spoken, smiling woman I wish I was? The answer is Jesus. Jesus has taken us in our anger, in our sin and loved us so much He sacrificed all for us. When we are washed in that love, mercy and grace we are renewed and begin to learn to imitate that love toward others.

“In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins…We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:10, 19

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20 

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9 

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” Ephesians 5:1-2

So we know love is commanded of us. We have the example of perfect love in Jesus. What is missing? What are the steps to muster it up inside myself? Why doesn’t love just come easy for me? Why do I feel Paul’s very words, “I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:14-15).



I had become a Christian in 2009, my whole life, heart and attitude changed. But then in 2011 and 2012 these orphans brought on challenges and trials that tested me, time and time again I was failing. Failing to keep my joy, peace and love during the fire of their behaviors and words. I had faith, I knew Christ, but my faith had not yet been tested and was weak.

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;” 1 Peter 1:6-7

I had to learn to submit to the beginning of this lifelong refining process (a process God promises will make my faith more precious than gold!) and focus my energy into “putting on love” (Col. 3:14) in all circumstances and sufferings. Jesus began revealing to me through His Word that before I can put on love, I must lay aside something. 

“But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him" Colossians 3:8-11

I began to meditate and memorize Scriptures that directed my path away from anger and bitterness. 

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:29-32

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:3-8

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.” Philippians 2:14-16

“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good…Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:9, 17, 21, and 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Overtime I began to resolve to put off traits that God called evil. I resolved to not let them consume me and to fight DAILY (1 Cor. 15:31) to put on love. But how do I put on love? God gives us three clear steps:

1) "LET THE PEACE OF CHRIST RULE IN YOUR HEARTS, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be THANKFUL." Col. 3:15 (also see John 14:27 and 1 Thess. 5:18)

I wanted to obey the Scripture, “Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful” (John 14:27) but finding peace while a storm raged in my home and in my heart seemed hopeless. 

“I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me. Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.” Philippians 4:13-14

"Consider it ALL joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

As I learned and read Scripture I found that peace and joy can be and are cultivated in suffering, trials and affliction! I began to practice (and still do) giving thanks to God in everything, even the hardest times, “in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18). “Lord, thank you for this child’s xyz behavior, I know this is the testing of my faith, please help me put you on display and show them grace and love in how I respond.”

 2) "LET THE WORD OF CHRIST RICHLY DWELL WITHIN YOU, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with THANKFULNESS in your hearts to God." Col. 3:16 (also see Rom. 10:17 and Eph. 5:19-20)

For the word of Christ to dwell within me I had to actively get it in there, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ” (Rom. 10:17). Through the gentle, yet firm, prodding of a wonderful woman that discipled me during this time of struggle I began to set aside time every morning to read and be alone with Jesus. Sometimes I would have to wake up at 5am to find any kind of peace or quiet in our, at the time, chaotic home. With lots of coffee ready I would read, study, pray or just sit quietly listening for God’s still, small voice. Some days was 5 minutes, some days an hour. I began to cherish and seek out that time whenever I could grab it. When I finally quit my job and stayed home full-time I joined a local Precept Bible Study at my church. It is quite a study that teaches and equips women to faithfully dive deep into God's Word!

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13

Chore time became morning worship choir practice. I stream a playlist of free hymns from youtube in the mornings during daily jurisdictions. The more I studied and listened to the Word of God the more thankfulness and biblical teachings flowed freely out of my mouth when they were needed most, “speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father” (Eph. 5:19-20).

3) "Whatever you do in word or deed, DO ALL IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS, giving THANKS through Him to God the Father." Col. 3:17 (also see Col. 3:23 and 1 Cor. 10:31)

The last thing God did in me was to allow me to give control back over to Him. I was so worried and anxious with these escalating behaviors in my children that they would end up in jail, on drugs or pregnant. I, in fear, wanted to stomp out these behaviors in any way possible to keep them from future pain and consequences. I had taken control of the kids that were on loan from God into my own hands. Jesus owns all. Jesus determines the outcome of my children's hearts regardless of how I parent them. What God requires of me is not to change their behavior, but to glorify Him in my response to their behavior. I had to practice what I preached, “whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). 

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.” Colossians 3:23-25

Are you where I was? Are you struggling with anxiety, anger, guilt, bitterness, frustration? Struggling with your children, bio or adopted, normal or special needs? Struggling with your husband, your in laws, your parents, a friend?

Know first only God can change hearts so leave that department with Him, put it down, it is too burdensome for you to carry.

Second, did you notice in all three steps to putting on love there is thankfulness, “be THANKFUL,” “singing with THANKFULNESS in your hearts,” and “giving THANKS through Him to God the Father?” Start with this simple goal: to thank God throughout the day for EVERYTHING, even if you don’t see anything to be thankful for in it. “God, I want to be thankful, I don’t know what You are doing and don’t see an end to this trial, but I choose to say thank you.” (Click here for my Thanksgiving Poem)

 “Be anxious for nothing, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

(Read this post: "Love Does Not Come Naturally" about daily devotionals to help you continue in your pursuit of putting on love!)


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone