Best of Facebook: October 2015

10/1/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Click here to read blog post: "What Does the Bible Say About Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?"

Two years ago I was desperate and finally beginning to open up about our biggest and hardest struggles with our children. It seemed like every time I became bold enough to share the most recent tantrum or incident we had in our home I was told by fellow moms, "Oh, they are just being a kid. This is just a stage they are going through. All kids do that." Finally our youth pastor and his wife sat down and listened to us and the desperateness in our tone. A few weeks later he presented us with this book, he had found it, read it and believed it would be very helpful to us.

Now I had already read book after book, The Connected Child, The Whole-Brained Child, etc and read blog after blog. We had done years of counseling and therapy (including EDMR for a couple months which I do not hold a high opinion of). I was tired of bad news and hopelessness. I was skeptical that another book, another author could help me. BUT, this book was different and as I read it it didn't just give me more head knowledge and parenting tools but it fed my soul. It gave me a renewed view of my children. Not through my worn and weary, struggling to show love eyes but helped me view them through the eyes of Jesus who loves them unconditionally and sacrificially!

This book did change our lives. So much so just months after reading this book God called us to adopt our Sam from an adoption disruption who was diagnosed with RAD. God had shown us so much of His healing power in so little time that we extended trust in Him once again as we pursued another. The healing in Sam was very evident very quickly. He is a walking testimony of the goodness of God and such a blessing to us!

Just less than a year ago one of our children had an isolated incident that led to us having all of our children interviewed and and evaluated by two licensed therapists. I told them our past diagnoses of RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD and chronic enuresis. I told them briefly of the horrifying history of their lives before coming into our care. After hours in the office while they saw and spoke with each individual child they called me in the room. What they said to me had me in tears, "Ma'am, we have never met such smart, happy, focused, well-mannered and ATTACHED children as we have seen today. They have only been with you a short 3 years and they don't fit any of their previous diagnoses and whatever you are doing is amazing!"

"But it isn't me, they are healing despite my failures, it is Jesus!"

10/2/15: Click here to see article on FB:

Click here to view article at Church for Every Child

We often hear, "it takes a special person to raise someone else's children!" or "I could never do what you are doing." Well, I am not super-human for sure, most of the time I look around and wish I was as patient or loving or kind as so-and-so. So to be honest, if I can adopt and parent these kids ANYBODY can do it.

When people ask how do you do it, I say "I am not, it's Jesus." Our human love will never be enough to heal these kids, our human therapies will never be enough to heal these kids but these things coupled with the love of Jesus is what HAS healed my kids! That is why it has to be the followers of Christ that step up to the plate and sacrifically lay down their lives to give these kids one! We, the church, and our church congregations have got to step up and love these kids, our neighbors.

But love is not enough for the days after adoption. We must also be willing to become equipped in attachment parenting. Far too many adoptions are being disrupted (FL has a current disruption rate of 42%). We get emails and calls non-stop from some of these desperate families hanging on by a thread. Why? Because adoption is HARD. It is born in pain, grief, loss and sin. Adoption is a beautiful blessing but it is like a rose that takes time to grow from the ashes. What got us through isn't the skills we had to learn, the trainings we attended, the books we read or the therapies we sat through. What got us through and is getting us through is the unwavering commitment to love these kids regardless of their behavior. A commitment to pursue them as they push away from us with a supernatural love. Did we not run away from God, withhold our affections from Him, live our lives in a way that didn't please Him? But while we were in our sin He loved us so much He laid down His life for us. What pulls us through the hardest days is a deep desire, not to adopt or love, but a to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus by loving sinners the same way He did, with His very life.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

Every year Brittney's school takes their special kids and their families to camp for 4 days. Brian wasn't able to come so me and these 7 kiddos attended and had lots of fun. Brittney's school bussed us to the FL Elks Youth camp where they put us up in air-conditioned cabins, fed us like kings and had tons of fun activities ready for us! The kids had lots of time in the pool, got to tie-dye shirts, participate in a ropes course, practice archery, ate lots of icecream and desserts, danced the night away and made smores at a bonfire! Here are some pics of our time.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Three hours and some sore fingers but I am feeling pretty accomplished tonight! She kept looking in the mirror and saying "so pretty, so pretty!" She likes it so it was worth it! :)

10/13/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Click here to see blog post with link to this interview

We enjoyed having France 2 TV out today for our interview. They were very kind and patient with us and the kids felt like little stars for sure being followed around by a huge camera. I could tell that the kids were also intrigued by their beautiful language and accents, maybe after Spanish class we will take up French. :)

My favorite moment was due to English being their second language one asked, "Do you breed your animals?"
To which I said, "yes, we have bred some at times."
"Ah, so can we film you breeding the animals?"
"Um, well, if that is what you think would make good tv then I suppose...."
"Oh! I meant to say feed! Can we film you feeding the animals!"
"LOL, Yes! We feed all the animals everyday. We can film that." :)
We all got a good laugh at that one.

10/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I came across a journal from 2012 that I had kept at the request of our counselor. Everyday it had a very short entry of what behaviors we dealt with that day. As I read through them I had forgotten some of the huge daily struggles we have worked through. I showed the journal to our big kids, "See this is why I was such a crazy mom when you first came, I didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff."
Mirabel read it over, "Geez, I can't believe I did this stuff to you. We really were awful!"
"Yea, but you know what I was doing at the same time I was writing these daily journal entries?"
Mirabel smirked, "Crying and eating chocolate?"
"I suppose. At the same time that you were running away, hitting me, cussing me out and doing everything in your power to push me away I was getting fingerprinted and background checked and filling out mountains of paperwork to make you mine."

Adoption is the living gospel. For it was me who was that little orphan girl running from the love of a Father. Yet even in my fighting and running He gave up everything, His only perfect Son, for a chance to adopt me as His own. I now love Him, because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Our kids love us now because we chose to show them a glimpse of our Father's love.

Adopt because you were adopted! Even when you don't "feel" it, love your kids because your Father loves you! Even though they push and push you away, pursue your kids because your Father pursued you! Even when it feels too hard to keep going, don't give up because your Father didn't give up on you! Even now, in this trial, in this struggle remember that He promises, if we love Him, He will work all things together for our good! (Rom. 8:28)

10/21/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A young stranger was walking up our long driveway, something small and white let out soft cries in his arms. I walked halfway out to greet him, "Is everything okay?"

"Ma'am we had a goat and she just gave birth to this baby but she died right after. You have goats and we know you will take good care of her."

As I held this tiny little life now entrusted in our care I was reminded of the verse in Prov 12:10 that says, "a righteous man has regard for the life of his animal..." I am so thankful for the reputation that God has granted us in our community. A reputation that no matter the species, breed or color, if they are in need of a family they can find one with open arms here.

Welcome home baby Abba. I hope your place on our farm continually reminds us that God is "Abba, Father" to the orphan.

10/24/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

This is our baby girl, Abba goat. Yes she is dressed as a pumpkin! .... Why? You ask? Because it is freaking adorable!!!

10/25/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"So you guys are in charge of all these kids?" asked a woman who greeted us as we visited a new church today.

"I suppose we are in charge of them...we are a family, these are our children."

We saw the pastor's eyes widen with curiosity as we came to the door to exit. The woman who greeted us earlier turned to the pastor, "They adopted ALL these kids! Seven!"

The pastor shook our hands, "Well, you certainly have your hands full!"

"Sir, we simply took the Bible quite literally when God said, 'pure and undefiled religion is to care for the orphan.'"

10/27/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

We took part in a local homeschool geography fair tonight. We studied China and the kids were able to present what they learned. It was so neat, there were at least 20 other tables to visit and each child got a little passport to fill up with stickers and facts from each Country or State. Lots of tables even had food from their location to taste. We brought freshly cut bamboo from our own bamboo forest on our farm to give away!

Since I have it all together we started this project at 11pm the night before it was due!!! Good thing the kids had been reading lots of library books on China for weeks and quickly cranked out some facts on a poster board! Anthony took charge of the board and table and the this morning I was quite surprised with how well they did all on their own so I spent 4 hours today creating and sewing costumes to bring our China table to life! God poured out His grace as always, we pulled it together and the kids had a blast!:)



Posted by Shannon

Pursue me.

There I stood in the hallway, hands tightly clasped behind my back and anger surging like fire through my veins. I stared back at the little girl with long brown hair framing a face reddened from screaming and narrowed, evil-scheming eyes. This is the orphan Jesus sent me to care for? I could feel the place she hit me still stinging and the filthy words she called me reeling through my head. This is it, one call, that is all it will take, one call, the state will take her away and this season of terror is over. One call and I can go back to my normal cozy life without case workers visiting, police officers over to chase run aways, weekly visits to the principal office, and constant fights to get her to eat, come when I call, go to bed, stay where I ask her to, listen to me or talk to me. I am exhausted, weary. I am just plain tired of pursuing her, tired of showing love (that I don’t feel) toward her. At the same time I was consumed with thoughts of the others in our home, her five year old sister I have watched her throw a dictionary at and tear down verbally with no remorse, her nine year old brother she bossed around like a beaten puppy, the five and ten month old infants I had to protect from any more abuse or neglect in their life. Here I am with five children, five lives that have so many needs, challenges and nurture and I hadn’t even been a parent for six months. Normal women have one infant at this stage in their parenting. “God, WHY ME!?! I have no idea what I am doing? I am weak, so weak. Please take this from me!” So I made that call, they came, they took her, and she was gone.

Hours after this little girl was gone God once again washed me clean with the gospel. As He promised, He strengthened me, took my burdens upon Himself. He woke me up, once again, to where I came from and where I was headed. He reminded me of my wretched, sin lavished, orphaned state He originally found me in. He reminded me of how dearly loved I was, how He made me His daughter, despite my behavior and unwillingness to conform to His will. I ran, He pursued me. I said vile things, He pursued me. I hated and in anger hurt others, He pursued me. While I was running, in my sinful state, He completed what was necessary to make me part of His family. He wanted me, a wretched sinner, who didn’t even like Him, as His daughter. He pursued my adoption despite my behavior. Even in my worthlessness He paid the price to adopt me as His own. He took His only, perfectly obedient, Son and put all my sin upon Him. “He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5.

God showed me that adoption IS the gospel. Before God formed the sun with His hands or placed a single star in the sky He was planning and preparing for my adoption. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as HE CHOSE US in Him BEFORE the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to ADOPTION as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:3-6.

 

This hardhearted little girl joined us again, very unwillingly, the very next afternoon. It continued to be difficult, but God gave me strength to continue to pursue her. She continued to reject and run, but God gave me the compassion to continue to show her love. We filled out paperwork, filed fingerprints, had background checks, scheduled home study visits, planned and prepared her adoption, invited her into our family, and rescued her from her orphaned state. We pursued her adoption despite her behavior.

 

Then one day she found she could love. She allowed the overwhelming love she was shown to break her chains and bondage to sin and anger. She stopped running and yearned for our love, our family, our pursuit. She was now not just our daughter on paper but in her heart. She loved us because we loved her first. “By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”1 John 4:9-10

 

Summit 9 Overload

 During our experience the past two days at Summit9, a Christian Alliance for Orphans conference, we soaked in so much. We are driving home now and are about 4 hours away from our five, precious, different colored faces that we cannot wait to kiss and squeeze!

 

One speaker, Stephen Ucembe, who came from Kenya, spoke of his institutionalization in an orphanage from age 5 until he aged out. The only time he was told he was loved was from a note in a OCC shoebox. The only time he was provided clothing was from short term missionaries. He was provided what he needed to survive from sponsorship programs. But he made it clear that what he needed wasn’t a better institution, more food, clothing or toys but A FAMILY. When we say adoption isn’t our calling, we better be 100% sure God isn’t calling us to pursue a living gospel. Click here for an article about the myths of institutions, why Christians are called to adopt, not open an orphanage in another country.

Another speaker made it clear that compassion compels us to action! He took us through the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10. After Jesus tells us to “love our neighbor as ourselves” a lawyer questions “who is our neighbor”. Jesus told of a man beaten and robbed on the side of the road, a priest and Levite walked by and saw the man’s need yet kept walking. A Samaritan had COMPASSION on the man and cared for him. A person is not compassionate when seeing needs but shows compassion when meeting needs. We tend to get too comfortable seeing and speaking on the needs of the orphans to be adopted but haven’t yet embraced our Father’s compassionate heart that compels us to ACTION! Click here for Luke 10:25-37 scripture

God showed me how although I thought my heart was broken for orphans everywhere, He shattered all those broken pieces even further leaving me desperately wanting to open our home again to the child(ren) He has for us. P.S. Hong Kong is on our hearts. Click here for a link to Lifeline's Hong Kong adoption program and waiting children.

The weak are certainly used to shame the strong. I have a new deep prayer that the churches in our nation would wake up to the ignored orphan plight. Bishop W.C. Martin spoke, “If our tiny church of 85 in Possum Trot, a town without a post office or streetlights, on the other side of Coonville, can adopt 73 kids then what is your excuse!?!” Click here for ABC News article about this church.

Most of all God used this conference to awaken my own heart again to the gospel, to adoption! Click here for a very funny audio from David Platt on adoption. Excerpt from David Platt’s book Follow Me:

     “Throughout scripture, God uses the picture of adoption to describe His relationship with His people. This picture became all the more poignant for my wife, Heather, and me when we chose to adopt our first son….
      The process of international adoption can be long and in many ways grueling. Some have described it as a paperwork pregnancy. You virtually have to demonstrate to two governments that you are the ideal family…
     With home studies, fingerprints, and physicals past us, we began the long, agonizing process of waiting. Every single day, we thought about our child, wondering if it would be a boy or a girl and longing for the day when we could hold that little one in our arms.
     Finally, about a year later, I received an e-mail. It was a picture of a boy. Nine months old. Abandoned at birth. In need of a home, a mom, and a dad. I printed out the picture and ran to show it to Heather. We laughed, we cried, we rejoiced, we prayed, and within two weeks, we were on a plane, headed to Kazakhstan….
     For the next four weeks, we visited Caleb in his orphanage. We held him, fed him, sang to him, laughed with him, and crawled all over the floor with him until the day finally came for us to adopt him….The judge pronounced , “I grant this application of adoption, and this child now belongs to David and Heather Platt.” We left the room with tears streaming from our eyes, ready to pick up Caleb from his orphanage for the last time.
     The parallels between Caleb’s story and the gospel story are many, but I want to point out one that is particularly significant. Adoption like this begins with a parent’s initiative, not a child’s idea. Before Caleb was even born in Kazakhstan, he had a mom and a dad working to adopt him. While Caleb was lying alone at night in an orphanage in Kazakhstan, he had a mom and a dad planning to adopt him. And one day when Caleb was placed in the arms of his mom and dad, he had no idea all that had been done, completely apart from any initiative in him, to bring him to that point. It seems obvious, but it is especially important: this precious ten-month-old boy did not invite us to come to him in Kazakhstan and bring him into our family; he didn’t even know to ask for such a thing. No, this orphaned child became our cherished son because of a love that was entirely beyond his imagination and completely outside of his control. He did not pursue us, for he was utterly unable to do so. Instead, we pursued him.
     This is the heart of Christianity, and we are prone to miss it when we describe becoming a follower of Jesus as inviting Him into our hearts. The reality of the gospel is that we do not become God’s children ultimately because of initiative in us, and he does not provide salvation primarily because of an invitation from us. Instead, before we were ever born, God was working to adopt us. While we were lying alone in the depth of our sin, God was planning to save us. And the only way we can become part of the family of God is through a love entirely beyond our imagination and completely out of our control. Christianity does not begin with our pursuit of Christ, but with Christ’s pursuit of us. Christianity does not start with an invitation we offer to Jesus, but with an invitation Jesus offers to us.”

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone