With Open Arms: Adopting From Disruption

Yesterday an awesome blog, "No Hands But Ours" published a guest post we wrote on adoption disruption.

"We have no secret recipe for healing. But we do have a commitment to love these kids the way Jesus loves us. And when we fail and just cannot muster up the strength or feeling to show that love, Jesus supernaturally loves them through us. My goal as mom isn’t for my kids to love me, but for them to love Jesus who is real and lives in me!"- Me 

To see post click here: "with open arms: adopting from disruption"


Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Is Adoption a Calling?

We dreamed of our future family. Our perfectly planned two child family. One boy and one girl, in that order. Well, maybe a third, but only if we didn’t get our two genders on the first two tries. We had our two baby names picked out. One boy and one girl. We were already following the American Dream step by step. Nice apartment as newlyweds. Two brand new cars. Then a big mortgage on a big beautiful house. Add in our credit cards, beautiful financed furniture, stylish, new clothing that we never had time to wear because we were always working in our uniforms, nice dinners out every other night and big, expensive vacations. Isn’t two kids, a 50 hour work week, a truck load of debt and a life of living far above our means the normal American Dream? We were normal. We were happy.

But then we were hit by a whirlwind. We were pursued and our hearts were captured. The desire to live a life of the American Dream was torn from our minds and replaced with a new desire. A desire to lose our lives. A desire to give up our lives to serve. A desire to serve others until the end of our lives. A desire to please, honor and obey the One who laid down His life as a ransom for ours. A desire to be willing to be used in any way that He would chose to use us to further His kingdom and for His glory.

"Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 

We gave our perfect future family to God. We asked God to choose for us how many children we would have and asked Him to build our family in any way He chose, through birth or adoption. We put our life spent chasing the American Dream on the altar. We sold our cars and bought ones we could afford with cash. We sold our house and bought one we could afford with cash. We gave up one income so we could best care for the blessings God gave to us through adoption. We live within our means and by God’s provision through tight budgeting, growing and raising much of our own food, buying used clothing, items and furniture from second hand and thrift stores. God changed all aspects of our dreams, our desires, and our lives.

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present you bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

When we are born again we truly are new creatures. We serve a new King, in a new community. We are no longer part of this world but aliens from a distant land just passing through. While we are here we serve our King through serving others. But how do we know our calling? How do we know God’s will for this new life?

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3a

When God saved us we were instantly justified. We were forgiven, washed clean and made new creatures in Christ. Our justification was like standing in front of the judge as Christ petitioned to adopt us as His own. We were adopted in that moment. Justification says “you are My child,” sanctification says “now live like you are My child.” Sanctification is the life long process of our lives becoming more and more like Christ. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 1:6-9 where God compares this process of the testing and building of our faith to that of a blacksmith as he plunges the gray stone into the fire. As the flames lick this stone slowly the dross melts away into the heat and revealed is a brilliant, shimmering yellow malleable liquid that we call gold. That is us. What a picture. But do we step in the fire willingly? Do we kick and scream and fight when it gets too hot? Are we keeping our eyes glued to our future hope? To Jesus who is more precious than gold and whose image we are conforming to?

Sanctification hurts. It is like being thrust into fire. It burns. But sanctification comes with a great promise! That we will one day be as precious and shining as gold. A promise that one day we will see glorification. A day when we will be finished, given and new imperishable body and taken to our permanent, eternal home. Oh, how there are days I am so homesick and long earnestly for that day. Lord, Your will be done, Your kingdom come.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to becomes conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Romans 8:28-31

As we walk through this Christian life, as we walk through our sanctification God will continue to work on us by putting His Word into our mind (“cognition”). He will then plant seeds of “conviction” that will one day bear the fruit of “affection.” Terms were taken from this article, The Steps of Biblical Sanctificaion by John MacArthur.

To turn this post to our heart for adoption, let me say that as we allowed God’s Word to sink deep into our hearts our cognition of God’s character deepened. We see that God loves and cares for the orphan. Because we are being conformed to Jesus’ likeness we therefore will also love and care for the orphan. We see that God created all humans in His image and put an intrinsic value on every child regardless of their physical, emotional or mental capabilities. We value life, all life, because God does. We truly believe that God will place this same cognition in the minds of all His people at some point in their sanctification. That cognition is the seed that grows into a plant of conviction. Because God values all life and loves the orphan we grow a conviction as God’s people to step up and put those words into action.

That conviction will come in many ways but often is in the form of adoption. Everyone we talk to about our family always says something like, “we have thought about adoption one day.” I have never met a Christian that didn’t mention their personal love for adoption. Because, we believe, God has written His love for adoption on all of our hearts when He adopted us.

This may rub some wrong but we do not believe that adoption itself is a “calling” from God.

What!?!

If God picked and chose certain Christians to adopt then I am the last qualified for this calling of taking care of His children! I love clean, quiet, order and normal. I am introverted and really don’t like attention or touch. I am not a very fun or huggy or soft, motherly natured type person. I am all business and structure, a “let’s get her done” kind of gal. I am more equipped to climb a corporate ladder than kiss boo-boos and counsel young hearts. Did I hear the call of God wrong? Maybe He meant for me to lead a Christian business from behind a computer in my quiet of my childless house.

God doesn’t call the equipped, but I promise He equips who He calls!

We definitely don’t feel we were audibly “called” by God to adopt children. We were called to follow God and sacrifice all for Him. As we surrendered we followed God where His heart is. His heart is with the poor, the needy and the orphaned, therefore that is where we followed Him. Are we “called?” Yes, called to love others as ourselves. We don’t want to be poor, hungry or without parents so why would we leave others in that condition? Did we always want to adopt? Absolutely not. We wanted what we viewed as the easy road, birth children. But we had that still, small voice, that passing thought that said, “we will adopt one day because we were adopted.” Slowly, as we stepped out in faith and willingly obeyed that conviction deep in our hearts. God grew that conviction into a tree that bore fruit of affection for adoption, that affection turned “one day” into TODAY. God today we will adopt. We won’t make them who you love suffer any longer as orphans. We will take on Your heart for the orphan and cure their plight today. We surrendered our lives when we submitted, just as Isaiah the prophet did before us (Isaiah 6:8), “Here we are Lord, send us.” In that surrender God did an amazing work tilling our hearts, changing our desires and equipping us for this road of adoption He “called” us to.

This past week we tilled up a 2000sqft area that will prayerfully be a plentiful garden. Brian did most of the tilling as it was quite the difficult task. A small but powerful machine with rotating blades designed to dig deep into the hard earth and make it soft and ready for seeds. Our dirt was compacted and hard after having much heavy machinery drive on it while moving our mobile home onto the property. The tiller had its work cut out for it. It took several rounds going over and over the hard soil. Each time the tiller passed over an area of dirt it dug deeper and deeper cutting up huge roots and digging up large rocks and stone that couldn’t be seen on the surface. Slowly the soil began flowing freely and easily through the blades as it stirred a black living substance that will miraculously grow our food. Holding onto that tiller as it fought and leaped against the hard ground it gave me a picture of my own heart. A hard heart that God forced His perfect tiller over. He tore through the surface of selfishness and continues to dig deep, cut roots of anger and bitterness and throw out stones of pride. Until more of my soil begins to resemble that perfect, rich and soft magic that will grow great fruit for Him. What a picture Jesus paints in the parable of the soils in Matthew 13.

We are told all the time how AMAZING we are. How awesome what we are doing is. How great it is that we “found” our calling in this life. I cannot tell you how incorrect this is! We are the furthest people from amazing. We don’t always walk willingly or immediately. We don’t always want to follow the convictions God puts in our hearts. Why? Because this road is hard, tiring and at times lonely. We are human, weak and fearful. We don’t feel ready or equipped when we take the leap of faith and say, “yes” once again. We walk in faith (“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1) and then pray and pray that God would give us an affection for this conviction. He always does. Each time He calls us again to this road of adoption through conviction He always grows that affection within us later. So even when we are scared to walk this road again we can remember that God has proven faithful in the past. He will grow in us that affection if we will walk in faith now.

Do we feel supernaturally "called" as adoptive parents?
No, this is just the way the universal "call to sacrifice" has played out in our personal life.


Let me leave you with this quote that is stuck deep in my heart.    

“No generous impulse is from Satan. All good and generous impulses are from God!” - Jodi Ware, wife of Bruce Ware from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Satan isn’t out there tempting people to care for the orphan. He is against all things good and holy. He wants you to give you 1000 reasons why you can’t possibly be called to do God’s will.

If you have ever thought that adoption would be something you could see yourself doing one day then maybe, just maybe YOU have been “called” by God.

Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Best of Facebook: February 2015

2/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's midnight. I have reorganized our schedule and chore charts once again to make them as efficient as possible! Is planning, organizing and scheduling just super fun or is it something else? Is this what they call "nesting?" This unsettled, let's get organized, let's get cleaned, there is someone coming frenzy inside of me! Although I can't share pee stick announcement photos, adorable sonogram photos or bathroom-mirror-camera shots of my growing belly, there is still something growing and stirring within me.

I think of her name constantly. And I get strange feelings when I've loaded up the car that I am missing someone...and a wheelchair. I look over to the empty spot at the table that she soon will fill and imagine that smile from the picture. I daydream constantly about what life will be like when she is here. As we all gather on the couch for family worship, I wonder for just a moment, "Where is Brittany?" As quickly as the thought flitted in my mind I remember she isn't here yet. This is adoption pregnancy, it doesn't last as long but is just as real!

Peace and excitement are replacing fear and anxiety. God has been organizing every detail from the huge (we need wheelchair ramps on our house asap) needs to the I-didn't-know-I-needed-this needs. He is leaving us no room to doubt that this is His good and perfect will. So we continue to move forward in trust!

2/12/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A man walked up to our table while we were enjoying our Chick-fil-A (especcially my free iced coffee) and said, "What you need is more kids!"
I look over, "Oh, yes Sir, we have already placed our order, they are on the way!"
He had himself quite the belly laugh then suddenly stopped, his face quickly fell very serious, "No really, you actually have more children on the way!?!"
I smiled and held back laughter, his facial reaction was priceless, "Yes Sir, we actually do have one more on the way!"

How can you look at this adorable view everyday and not want more!?! :D

2/13/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Let me clarify for all of you who wonder and say, "Shannon, this special needs child you are considering adopting, she will take so much from your time, your schedule, your family and even your life! Why would you do that?"

Well friends, to be honest, this child cannot take those things from me because I gave those up a long time ago. I gave those up when I met a Man. A Man that looked upon me, in my wretched state, not as too much work, but as wanted. Not as too much time but as worthy of love. This Man willingly emptied Himself, gave up all His energy and even His own life to make me His child. To adopt me into His family, His kingdom, His inheritance and give me new life eternally.

This life is no longer mine but Christ who lives in me. Isn't that the gospel? "And He (Jesus) was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." Luke 9:23-24 (see also: Matt 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 17:33).

Did God not sustain me through taking in five kids at once? Did God not sustain me when saying yes to a little boy from MI? I cannot let my trust waver now! God has already proved Himself mighty in strength and God will certainly sustain me to parent this child as well!

We believe that every child is worthy of love and a family regardless of their physical, mental, emotional or behavioral needs. By stepping out in faith by being open and willing to adopt again, we are simply practicing what we preach!

2/15/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

We can't wait to meet you Brittany! On our way to Orlando now. We will attend a staffing at 11am tomorrow then at 1pm we will be visiting Brittany in her foster home!

2/22/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Here is a 6 minute look into our day to day life. We filmed bits and pieces of our life over 3 days and I made this cute little video. Editing videos is kinda my alternative stress relief hobby to painting.

2/25/15: Click here to see photos on FB:

We celebrated two birthdays this week! Titus turned 4 on 2/22 and our Sam turned 9 today, 2/25! Saturday both boys spent the night at Nanny's house and baked like 10 cakes! Then after church Sunday we had a fun day of lunch, cake and badmitten at Nanny's house. Today I surprised Sam with a painting I have been working on. I can't believe Sam has been with us a whole year and my baby Tyman is all growed up!

Click here for Titus' story: http://5kids6months.blogspot.com/p/titus.html
Click here for Sam's story: http://5kids6months.blogspot.com/p/samuels-story.html

Posted by Shannon

Pregnant Mama, Know That I Sorrowfully Rejoice With You!

 

"Lord, please give me the strength to rejoice and not cry," I whispered a silent prayer as I walked into a room filled with giddy smiles and pink balloons. Sweet little polka-dotted onesies were draped across the wall under large painted letters that spelt out this new blessing's name. The pain swelled deep within me like I had been punched in the gut. "Lord, please." I faked a smile, wishing desperately that my joy could be real. That I could truly be a Rom. 12:15 woman. A woman that thinks more of others happiness than her own sorrow. I held it together, ate hors d'oeuvres, complimented tiny pink gifts, skirted around the inevitable birthing conversations that I had never experienced and made it out without giving anyone a hint of the dark cloud that hung over me. When I finally made it back to my car that dark cloud burst into a pool of tears and loud sobs.

Infertility.

That word just drips sorrow. It is negative. Broken. Empty. Hopeless.

5 Years.

This month we say hello to our 5 year anniversary walking hand in hand with this awful word. We like the word "barren" better, but either way it means for 5 years God has shut my womb and we, as a couple, have not been able to conceive. We don't know whether our barreness is permanent or temporary, for only God knows.

I am not writing this so you can message me and tell me the story of your second, half-removed cousin's friend that got pregnant after 15 years of infertility. I am writing this for two reasons, one to scream from the rooftops that all you mamas currently walking through infertility, "I HEAR YOU! YOUR PAIN IS REAL! IT HURTS!" and second to help those of you not walking through it to maybe understand it just a little.

One thing I have learned while walking this dark and lonely road is that God does not promise us children (Anna is a barren woman in the bible that was never given the gift of pregnancy, click here). The same way He doesn't promise we will find a spouse (1 Cor. 7:8). Are these both good blessings? Absolutely. Are they promised in Scripture. No. Often in churches and communities well-meaning people ask these two questions with excitement. To the single, "so when are you going to get married?" and to the childless couple, "so when are you going to start having children?" Like I know when prince charming is going to come a knocking or when our egg and seed will finally combust into a tiny life. These questions are asked as if our completeness without these things is in question.

Our completeness is not found in our marriage or in our womb. Our completeness is found in Christ.

"For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been MADE COMPLETE, and He is the head over all rule and authority;" Colossians 2:9-10

We are complete in Christ. We don't need a husband to complete us, we are married to Christ. We don't need children to complete us, we are heirs with Christ, He will carry on His family name, we don't need to. Often not given the ideal gift of marriage or children we set up this little idol in our heart and we begin to worship this ideal rather that the One who designed it. It is difficult not to. Marriage and children are both good gifts. Blessings. They are good desires, but in our sinfulness we elevate them, are angry over not having them, envy others that do have them and sometimes will even sin to get them.  

In January 2010 Brian and I committed our family planning to God. We committed we would do NOTHING to prevent or promote pregnancy. We were acknowledging that God was in charge of our womb and we were going to trust Him. For five years since 2010 we have been open to any child God would give us.

God was faithful in our commitment and although He has not lifted our barreness He has given us the gift of fertility. We may be infertile in our bodies but God has given our hearts tremendous fertility through adoption!

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 113:9

When we yielded our womb to God we yielded all our rights to say that whatever He chose to do, we would trust and worship Him. He is in control to the opening and closing of our womb. We figured since we were graciously surrendering our will that He would perform His will which happened to look very similar to our will in the first place. The thing with God is that He is God and we are not. Sometimes His will is to not give us our heart desires and (you know what?) He is still good.

But my grief and pain are REAL.

But grief, pain and sorrow, these emotions, they don't know theology. They are real, raw, founded, yet separate from the real knowledge of the goodness of God. We must inform our emotions, teach them, train them. The longer I walk through this path of hurt, the more time I have had to inform my emotions that while a good cry is founded and allowed, bitterness, anger and malice towards others experiencing what I am not is NOT allowed. Grief, pain and sorrow are a soil that the weeds of bitterness and anger love to grow in! We must be on guard. When my mourning is stirred I must reject all thoughts of bitterness.

My hurt over my womb not opening doesn't leave me, I am stuck on this path until I am released to another. I will carry my grief just as those who have lost a loved one. I lost something on this path. I had to grieve the loss of my ideals and imagination of the little baby (or babies) that I expected to bear with my own body. I have laid to rest the image of two lines on a stick, the image of my belly growing big with life, the image of our newborn baby gasp for their first breath of air. Infertility is a loss no one can see but can consume many women just as loss of a living, breathing loved one can.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

Think if someone lost their husband they may weep at a wedding, remembering the love they had and lost. They don't envy or hate your marriage they just are missing theirs. They sorrowfully rejoice with you. If someone lost their child just before that child's 7th birthday party, they may be greatly impacted with grief when attending your child's 7th birthday party. They don't wish your child the same outcome but the memories of a celebration never able to be celebrated will bring great mourning. They sorrowfully rejoice with you.

So please know, pregnant mama, that I am rejoicing with you!

(Picture Commentary: This picture is of a mural I painted for an amazing friend's nursery. We walked our first 1.5 years of infertility together, then she conceived a baby girl! I was so excited for her I spent 50+ hours in her house painting!)


I love feeling the life growing and kicking in your belly. I love witnessing the glow you carry with you. I love hearing you expectantly speak of that sweet baby inside you. I love celebrating this new life with you and being invited to your baby shower celebration. I love you. So I rejoice with you.

But please don't think any of my love changes if I cry (as I am crying now as I write this). Please don't be mad if I excuse myself from the room when the birthing stories that I have never experienced go on and on. Please don't be mad if I cry and am deeply pained when your belly is big and bursting full of the life mine has not ever seen. Please don't be mad if I weep at your baby shower, a celebration I have never been celebrated. Please know that I do rejoice with you, I sorrowfully rejoice!

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I could shut myself up, refuse to touch another growing belly, refuse to attend any future baby showers and some how hope to keep myself from any pain or emotions that may be stirred up by these things. But know that you, pregnant mama, are more important to me than my pain. Showing you love, in the way God shows me love, means more to me than my grief. Rejoicing with you is chosen over my weeping, dear friend. I sorrowfully rejoice with you, at the great blessing you are receiving that I have lost.

"As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful." James 5:10-11

God is still in control of my empty womb, no loss or grief can take away that comfort! God is good in all things.


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Move in Progress. Saying Goodbye to our Tiny House and Hello to Hard Work!

I can't bear to wake up the kids yet, even though it is 10 in the morning. We rolled into bed at 3am after pulling a LONG night of working after waking up early to begin our long to-do list! And yeah, I am totally the mother that at 8pm, which is normally bedtime, I give my kids a pot of coffee and say, "We are pulling an all-nighter!" We are making memories for sure! Praise God for Nanny Diane, who has offered to keep our little ones as long as we need, they are gettign spoiled and loving it!

Our moving plans are becoming a reality. We have lived in our tiny 700sqft for exactly a year. Despite the fact that we have sacrificed a ton of our material items to move in and sacrificed our large, comfortable personal space boundaries we have found great contentment living in these tiny quarters! I truly did find a love for this tiny house, plus having 4 acres in the country has been amazing for this city girl.

 

Click here for the post explaining our move into our tiny house back in January 2014

  

In August God brought us a family interested in becoming debt-free also and possibly wanting to rent our tiny home for a season. God put a stong pull on our hearts to get out to our other property, a 7 acre raw property we paid cash for over a year ago, that was just sitting there and we are paying taxes on. We were tempted to take out a small loan so we could buy a used home and have it moved to our property. After much thought, prayer and wise counsel from others who have gone before us we decided that it was best we weren't unequally yoked to a mortgage company again. As we let go of this new dream of moving we had a brother in Christ offer to loan us money on biblical terms, no interest, 7 year forgiveness, on a handshake, to buy a home to put out there. We felt that although this was a hinderance to our plan to become debt free it would allow us to follow our strong urge to be where we really felt led to go!

  
  

After much shopping and looking at repo/forclosure mobile homes we found OUR house. It was an 1996 Homes of Merit 1904sqft mobile home. It needed new flooring and paint, maybe electrical and plumbing but the bones (as Dave Ramsey says) were BEAUTIFUL! We were able to purchase it for $11,500 and have it moved for $6000, we thought it was a great deal. Of course all big purchases come with "hidden" costs or at least costs that we fail to take into account. Permitting ended up costing almost $2000 and installing a septic system was just under $4000. God has blessed us tremendously by putting charity on the hearts of others. Mr. Rooter donated all plumbing work, a short-term friend offer to do our electrical work for free, and Brian's brother, a contractor from VA, flew in to re-do all our AC duct work, fix walls, repair floors, etc. We even had a sweet friend share our story with Lowe's who in turn let us buy all our supply needs at cost (a 40-60% savings from retail). And God provided any of our other needs through giving friends, thrift stores, free ads on craigslist and even the "trash" on the side of the road! God has been good to us through and through!

So here we are, a week before Christmas, busting our tails to get this house turned into a home and move in! God will work all things out in His timing! We may only have our tree up for two days this year but either way we will celebrate the birth of our Savior, the one who gave Himself up for us and lavishes us with continual, unmerited blessings!

 

 

Before and after pictures, prayerfully coming soon!!!

 

Click here to follow us on Facebook for more frequent updates!

 

 

 

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

 

Birth Moms, Adoptive Moms, Real Moms

After posting a picture with a short description on our Facebook page that gained  almost 1,000 likes, 100 comments and 200 shares, I feel compelled to share more information and expand upon my thinking. What was posted was 100% true and from my deepest heart affections. Here is the post:

"Today we attended a wedding. We sought counsel and over and over were advised not to attend. We were told it wasn't safe. People believed that it would be confusing. Brian and I prayed, as we usually do, that we would be open to God's direction even if it went against all human wisdom (there was a time we received the same negative counsel by well meaning Christians about accepting a 4th, 5th and ...6th child into our family).

After seeing the tears stream down her face and the joy she expressed at the sight of the blond 3 year old she gave birth to, God confirmed we had listened well. I am so thankful God grabbed a hold of my heart and led me courageously to attend Maggie's birthmom's wedding. I wasn't condoning her life choices but choosing to show her love and grace regardless of her behavior. God gave an overwhelming peace to my heart that no fear of man could shake. He had also orchestrated perfectly that in Maggie's "too big clothes bin" sat a beautiful flower girl dress that had been given to us when she was only an infant. It was too pretty to pass along before she could use it and when we dug it out it fit perfectly as if it was waiting there just for this moment!

Adoption is a unique journey and at times confusing. This little girl that I have raised and adore was not grown in my body. I will forever share her with another mother. While that thought could consume some with sadness it reminds me that it isn't love being shared as in separated but shared as in combined. My baby girl is loved twice! And when I adopted this little girl, I was not just given a daughter to love, but her mother to love also! We love our adopted kids best when we choose to love their parents!"

 If that post was true then what else do I feel compelled to share? There is a great tension between biblical truth and real experience. Both are 100% true yet can seem so opposite. I am going to attempt a balancing act of carefully upholding the unchanging truth of Scripture yet the always changing truth of emotional experiences. Let me explain using our FB post as an example. It is a biblical truth that God hates sin (Rom. 1:18), therefore we should strive to uproot any sin that takes us captive and avoid close relationships with unrepentant, habitually sinful people. We also know that God deeply loves sinners (Rom. 5:8), so much so that He took the payment for their sins upon Himself.

We see that the affects of sin cross generational borders. This in full display in the lives of our adopted children. A mama that drinks with a baby in utero may present us with a precious baby that struggles with FAS for the rest of their life. A mama that neglects the basic nutritional or hygiene needs of a child may lead to a us watching that child suffer a life of illnesses and deficiencies. A mama that makes choices that ultimately results in her not being able to carry out her role as mom and leads to her child being permanently removed from her care will almost always cause us to have to walk that child through attachment issues, which can include, mental or behavior issues and counseling or therapy for a length of time.

We also know that these mamas, whether they allow to sin to temporarily creep into their lives or are completely taken over by it, are still deeply loved by God. We know that God uses us to be His hands and feet and graciously gives us the strength to love people where they are. We see Jesus as our example talking to prostitutes and dining with tax collectors. (Luke 15: 1-10, Matt. 21:28-32, Mark 2:16-17, John 4, John 8:7)

Out of the deep love of our Father we stepped out in faith to show our love for a woman that has made decisions in her life that has resulted in her daughter being placed in our arms at just 6 weeks old. I made it my goal to show her nothing but kindness when I would bring this precious baby, that I was caring for and attaching to, to visitations. Then when the tables turned I reached out, confusing our case workers, for approval to write her during her prison sentence. We wrote almost a hundred letters back and forth during that 2 year sentence. I kept her updated on her baby's everchanging abilities and kept her 50 picture limit filled. Also, via letter, I had to inform her that her baby was going to become ours through adoption. A hard pill for any mom to swallow.

It was God's mercy filling my heart that compelled me to meet her at the bus station when she was released from prison and invited her to our church on Mother's day. As her old nature and ways began to creep back into her life due to her new found freedom, our contact became only through email. When we received a wedding invitation and request for Maggie to be the flower girl we were unsure what we should do. We didn't know the right answer and all the "what if"s we could think of began reeling through our minds.

There is an unhealthy fear of birth parents instilled in us from news stories, from a cousin's friend's brother's horrific experience and our own inexperience with this unique relationship. This fear is real, it is tangible, we can feel it. Fear can act itself out in many ways in our life. Fear can make us angry, paranoid, or unforgiving. While fear is a very real experience, let us move into the tension between experience and biblical truth. I am afraid, but God says, "do not fear" (Josh 1:9, Is. 41:10), "fear is not from God" (2 Tim 1:7), and "God is love" (1 John 4:8). While our emotions often want to take over we must "renew our minds daily" (Rom 12:2, Eph 4:21-24) to strive to stay in the tension. God is our protector and promises to go before us. Fear can stifle and even paralyze acts of love.

"God I am afraid (real experience), but you love this woman and promise to give me strength to love her (biblical truth)."

Click here for a blog post of a party with Titus' birth family.

So we attended a wedding. We chose love over fear. God confirmed we chose well but what should we think when real experiences begin taking over? The days after the wedding I had deep pangs of sorrow as I edited the photos and saw the same nose and smile I admire on my baby staring back at me on birth mom's face, not mine. We also had old behavior issues resurface in one child, another break down emotionally about missing their own birth mother and our littlest Maggie went through a bout of wetting. Some would ask, was it the right choice then?

True love is choosing to be vulnerable. True love is self-sacrificing, just as Jesus sacrificed all and bore much pain to show us the love we don't deserve (Is 53:4-5). Shouldn't we live out all that love is (patient, kind, content, humble, honoring, unselfish, slow to anger and forgiving 1 Cor 13:4-7) even at the risk of being hurt? Shouldn't we teach our children that love is worth it?

God promises to work all out for our good (Rom 8:28). Our oldest children got to see first hand the type of fearless love we extend to all our birth mothers even when it is difficult, though their own is not receptive or safe. Also, some deeply buried hurts were stirred and resurfaced so we can work through them together biblically. Maggie will have days that arise in her future years when she questions who she is and where she came from. The benefit of seeing love in action toward the woman that bore her during her time of questioning will far outweigh a few accidents as her tiny frame attempts to make sense of this crazy thing called being adopted. I repeat whole-heartily, we love our adopted kids best when we choose to love their parents!



Although adoption is beautifully designed by God we must remember that it is born in suffering and loss. Somebody lost family so we could gain ours. Adoption is so beautiful because it shows the power of God's Word holding true, that which was meant for evil, God used it for good (Gen 50:20)!

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Lesson in Submission and Mommyhood from Fort Rock

 Maybe some of you mamas love to live on the edge and a spontaneous road trip with 6 kids sounds like a dream but when my hubby asked if we could pack the RV for a 4 day getaway in less than 24 hours I know my face showed my lack of enthusiasm. I may have even cringed as my head reeled with packing checklists, on the road meal plans, and all the logistics that came with packing our RV for our family of 8.

Times like this is what tests my submission to my husband. I know some ladies just winced when they read the "s" word but God created us humans as submissive creatures. Jesus submits to the loving, merciful authority of God the Father. Man submits to the loving, merciful authority of Jesus. Woman submits to the loving, merciful authority of man. And child submits to the loving, merciful authority of their parents. There is a mutual submission, all parties are submitting to authority and ultimately to God.

  

(Picture Commentary: Mirabel, Risa and I arrived at camp Fort Rock in Arkansas)
 

When I say the word submission I am not talking about the abusive "woman, get in the kitchen" definition the world teaches us, but God’s loving, serving, self-sacrificing leadership that mutual submission willingly and happily bends to. Submission does not remove a woman’s voice but gives her a safe, protected place to share that voice. Submission chooses gentleness. Do not confuse gentleness with cowardice, timidness or fearfulness. Submission doesn’t say, "I am second class" but says, "I am a mutual heir of Christ, equal to man, but I choose to be a picture of God’s love by laying aside my own will or wants for the benefit of others.

True leadership that we are called to submit to is servant-hood. True leadership willingly takes the burden of making a decision that honors God and puts other’s best interests ahead of their own. Leadership washes feet. Leadership protects, comforts, encourages, builds up and loves so deeply that they would sacrifice all even their own life for the other.

When a man lives out true leadership and a woman chooses to willingly submit to that loving leadership we become a picture of Christ and the church. Together we point to the Maker of true love.

  

(Picture Commentary: We are having fun exploring this rustic, western looking camp)

Okay, rabbit trail, back to the RV packing and last minute road trip. Times like this test my submission to my husband. This man that loves God and wants to serve his family with their best will at heart wanted to surprise us and visit friends. He was able to get the time off, contact several friends that were available, and find local friends to care for our farm. This man wasn’t asking me to do anything sinful, illegal or wrong, just something out of my comfort zone. Although I have flat out put my foot down in the past my hubby graciously gives me more chances to leave my bubble of comfort and stretch my type A planner wings.

  

(Picture Commentary: We played in dress-up and jail and Risa got to do her favorite thing!)

This is what submission looked like in our home this time: "Do you think we can pack the RV quickly and take a 4 day getaway to visit friends?" my sweet hubby asked. I calmed the mini panic attack in my mind, "I love you so much Babe. You know I struggle with anything I don’t have time to plan for. I trust you and see how it could be fun. I will try my best to pack in so little time but can you give me a minute to digest and plan?"

  

(Picture Commentary: This horse ride was the real deal, through the woods and up a mountain!)

Well, let me be the first to tell you that trusting my hubby was SO rewarding! He had, in fact, called some friends in Springdale, AR and Guthrie, OK who gladly invited us over to visit and stay with them. He also surprised us and sent our two oldest girls and I on an amazing mother/daughter retreat at Camp Fort Rock, AR. We had so much fun horseback riding, range shooting, archery, zip-lining and being reminded of the hugely important, yet often taken for granted, job we hold as a mother. On top of all the fun we had enjoying activities and each other’s time together we also were privileged to hear some words of wisdom from a speaker, Nancy Newport, about our relationship with our children. I will try to digest and spit back out some of what was shared with us.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace. 

What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils? I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." Ecc. 3:1-11

  

(Picture Commentary: We got to do new things like rifle shooting and zip lining!)

In every aspect of parenting there is a season. Ever changing seasons in our lives as mama. We must remember that these little ones, given to us through birth or adoption, are not our own. They are on loan from the Lord. The Lord requires that we teach our children about their Father’s ways:

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Deut. 6:5-9

     

(Picture Commentary: Isn't my skirt just awesome! It is a Jeanology brand skirt I found brand new at a local thrift store for just $5.99. It is so comfy and easy to maneuver in. I am in love!)

As the Ecc. 3 verse above continues it tells us the different seasons we may see in our lives and this is also true for us mamas. There will be a time for us to die to ourselves, just as Jesus died to self (His will) to always do the Father’s will. There will be a time for us to plant the Word and a time for us to just pray, pray, pray. There will be a time for us as mamas to kill old habits and use healing words, comfort and touch to begin a fresh start.

     

(Picture Commentary: First time ever picking up a bow and I did pretty well!)

There will be a time to train, train, train our children! Train to listen, to come, to stop, to share, to sit quietly. Teach them "no", respect, authority, chores, accountability. There will come a time that God asks them to do something that doesn’t make sense (like building a large ark and filling it with animals) and we pray they were trained early to listen and obey. Use every moment to teach them the Word. Read, read, read God's Word as you walk in the way. We must be always filling up their hearts with Jesus and teaching in the good times not just as a tool for correction.

   

(Picture Commentary: The camp was a blast and the time with my girls was priceless!)
 

Praise them…LOTS. Be a living example of the gratefulness you want to see in your children. Believe that the weeds they pick for you are more valuable that any amount of money spent on roses! Build memories. Create a family fun night, let your kids plan what you will do on this special night. Work together, if you work hard together then play hard together. Laugh LOTS, don’t let the enemy discourage you. Let your hair down. Be a fun mom.

   

(Picture Commentary: While we were gone the boys got to attend a Razorbacks football game.)
 

There will be a time as our kids grow that we allow them to struggle. They are learning to listen to the Holy Spirit and we don’t want to get in the way. Your kids will hear and see things that you want to guard them against. We live in a lost world and will be around lost people. Help them see people around them from God’s perspective. There is never a time to yell at your kids, yelling says, "I am out of control" and counteracts all we have strived for to teach our children about self-control.

  

(Picture Commentary: After a double date we said our goodbyes and left these sweet friends.)
 

We must take care to not treat our aging children as little ones. They must grow into their own convictions, as mamas we must loosen our grip so they can find who they are. We must cast away our own inconsistencies in our lives. We should pray Scripture over their growing, changing lives. Let your children see your struggles, doubt and lack of faith and let them see you choose to trust the Lord in the mess you are in. When all is done and their wings are grown we will enter a time to just PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.

  

(Picture Commentary: More fellowship on Sunday, visit this awesome family at Grace Family Farm!)

If you are anything like me, once you read this list you will think, "Although this is the desire of my heart, this is not where I am or feel I will ever be. How will I ever live up to this standard and do all that I should as a mom?" I have come to a place that I know I do not have what it takes to raise children after God’s own heart. It is here that I realize I must cry out to Jesus for His perfect power, strength and love to make it through day by day, sometimes minute by minute. He is always faithful to show up and fill me with that same grace and mercy that washed me clean and gave me a new heart over 5 years ago. My prayer is that my mistakes will not hinder my children and I may be an empty vessel used to fiercely love my children and point them to Christ!
 

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone