Best of Facebook: October 2015

10/1/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Click here to read blog post: "What Does the Bible Say About Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?"

Two years ago I was desperate and finally beginning to open up about our biggest and hardest struggles with our children. It seemed like every time I became bold enough to share the most recent tantrum or incident we had in our home I was told by fellow moms, "Oh, they are just being a kid. This is just a stage they are going through. All kids do that." Finally our youth pastor and his wife sat down and listened to us and the desperateness in our tone. A few weeks later he presented us with this book, he had found it, read it and believed it would be very helpful to us.

Now I had already read book after book, The Connected Child, The Whole-Brained Child, etc and read blog after blog. We had done years of counseling and therapy (including EDMR for a couple months which I do not hold a high opinion of). I was tired of bad news and hopelessness. I was skeptical that another book, another author could help me. BUT, this book was different and as I read it it didn't just give me more head knowledge and parenting tools but it fed my soul. It gave me a renewed view of my children. Not through my worn and weary, struggling to show love eyes but helped me view them through the eyes of Jesus who loves them unconditionally and sacrificially!

This book did change our lives. So much so just months after reading this book God called us to adopt our Sam from an adoption disruption who was diagnosed with RAD. God had shown us so much of His healing power in so little time that we extended trust in Him once again as we pursued another. The healing in Sam was very evident very quickly. He is a walking testimony of the goodness of God and such a blessing to us!

Just less than a year ago one of our children had an isolated incident that led to us having all of our children interviewed and and evaluated by two licensed therapists. I told them our past diagnoses of RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD and chronic enuresis. I told them briefly of the horrifying history of their lives before coming into our care. After hours in the office while they saw and spoke with each individual child they called me in the room. What they said to me had me in tears, "Ma'am, we have never met such smart, happy, focused, well-mannered and ATTACHED children as we have seen today. They have only been with you a short 3 years and they don't fit any of their previous diagnoses and whatever you are doing is amazing!"

"But it isn't me, they are healing despite my failures, it is Jesus!"

10/2/15: Click here to see article on FB:

Click here to view article at Church for Every Child

We often hear, "it takes a special person to raise someone else's children!" or "I could never do what you are doing." Well, I am not super-human for sure, most of the time I look around and wish I was as patient or loving or kind as so-and-so. So to be honest, if I can adopt and parent these kids ANYBODY can do it.

When people ask how do you do it, I say "I am not, it's Jesus." Our human love will never be enough to heal these kids, our human therapies will never be enough to heal these kids but these things coupled with the love of Jesus is what HAS healed my kids! That is why it has to be the followers of Christ that step up to the plate and sacrifically lay down their lives to give these kids one! We, the church, and our church congregations have got to step up and love these kids, our neighbors.

But love is not enough for the days after adoption. We must also be willing to become equipped in attachment parenting. Far too many adoptions are being disrupted (FL has a current disruption rate of 42%). We get emails and calls non-stop from some of these desperate families hanging on by a thread. Why? Because adoption is HARD. It is born in pain, grief, loss and sin. Adoption is a beautiful blessing but it is like a rose that takes time to grow from the ashes. What got us through isn't the skills we had to learn, the trainings we attended, the books we read or the therapies we sat through. What got us through and is getting us through is the unwavering commitment to love these kids regardless of their behavior. A commitment to pursue them as they push away from us with a supernatural love. Did we not run away from God, withhold our affections from Him, live our lives in a way that didn't please Him? But while we were in our sin He loved us so much He laid down His life for us. What pulls us through the hardest days is a deep desire, not to adopt or love, but a to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus by loving sinners the same way He did, with His very life.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

Every year Brittney's school takes their special kids and their families to camp for 4 days. Brian wasn't able to come so me and these 7 kiddos attended and had lots of fun. Brittney's school bussed us to the FL Elks Youth camp where they put us up in air-conditioned cabins, fed us like kings and had tons of fun activities ready for us! The kids had lots of time in the pool, got to tie-dye shirts, participate in a ropes course, practice archery, ate lots of icecream and desserts, danced the night away and made smores at a bonfire! Here are some pics of our time.

10/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Three hours and some sore fingers but I am feeling pretty accomplished tonight! She kept looking in the mirror and saying "so pretty, so pretty!" She likes it so it was worth it! :)

10/13/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Click here to see blog post with link to this interview

We enjoyed having France 2 TV out today for our interview. They were very kind and patient with us and the kids felt like little stars for sure being followed around by a huge camera. I could tell that the kids were also intrigued by their beautiful language and accents, maybe after Spanish class we will take up French. :)

My favorite moment was due to English being their second language one asked, "Do you breed your animals?"
To which I said, "yes, we have bred some at times."
"Ah, so can we film you breeding the animals?"
"Um, well, if that is what you think would make good tv then I suppose...."
"Oh! I meant to say feed! Can we film you feeding the animals!"
"LOL, Yes! We feed all the animals everyday. We can film that." :)
We all got a good laugh at that one.

10/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I came across a journal from 2012 that I had kept at the request of our counselor. Everyday it had a very short entry of what behaviors we dealt with that day. As I read through them I had forgotten some of the huge daily struggles we have worked through. I showed the journal to our big kids, "See this is why I was such a crazy mom when you first came, I didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff."
Mirabel read it over, "Geez, I can't believe I did this stuff to you. We really were awful!"
"Yea, but you know what I was doing at the same time I was writing these daily journal entries?"
Mirabel smirked, "Crying and eating chocolate?"
"I suppose. At the same time that you were running away, hitting me, cussing me out and doing everything in your power to push me away I was getting fingerprinted and background checked and filling out mountains of paperwork to make you mine."

Adoption is the living gospel. For it was me who was that little orphan girl running from the love of a Father. Yet even in my fighting and running He gave up everything, His only perfect Son, for a chance to adopt me as His own. I now love Him, because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Our kids love us now because we chose to show them a glimpse of our Father's love.

Adopt because you were adopted! Even when you don't "feel" it, love your kids because your Father loves you! Even though they push and push you away, pursue your kids because your Father pursued you! Even when it feels too hard to keep going, don't give up because your Father didn't give up on you! Even now, in this trial, in this struggle remember that He promises, if we love Him, He will work all things together for our good! (Rom. 8:28)

10/21/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A young stranger was walking up our long driveway, something small and white let out soft cries in his arms. I walked halfway out to greet him, "Is everything okay?"

"Ma'am we had a goat and she just gave birth to this baby but she died right after. You have goats and we know you will take good care of her."

As I held this tiny little life now entrusted in our care I was reminded of the verse in Prov 12:10 that says, "a righteous man has regard for the life of his animal..." I am so thankful for the reputation that God has granted us in our community. A reputation that no matter the species, breed or color, if they are in need of a family they can find one with open arms here.

Welcome home baby Abba. I hope your place on our farm continually reminds us that God is "Abba, Father" to the orphan.

10/24/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

This is our baby girl, Abba goat. Yes she is dressed as a pumpkin! .... Why? You ask? Because it is freaking adorable!!!

10/25/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"So you guys are in charge of all these kids?" asked a woman who greeted us as we visited a new church today.

"I suppose we are in charge of them...we are a family, these are our children."

We saw the pastor's eyes widen with curiosity as we came to the door to exit. The woman who greeted us earlier turned to the pastor, "They adopted ALL these kids! Seven!"

The pastor shook our hands, "Well, you certainly have your hands full!"

"Sir, we simply took the Bible quite literally when God said, 'pure and undefiled religion is to care for the orphan.'"

10/27/15: Click here to see photo album on FB:

We took part in a local homeschool geography fair tonight. We studied China and the kids were able to present what they learned. It was so neat, there were at least 20 other tables to visit and each child got a little passport to fill up with stickers and facts from each Country or State. Lots of tables even had food from their location to taste. We brought freshly cut bamboo from our own bamboo forest on our farm to give away!

Since I have it all together we started this project at 11pm the night before it was due!!! Good thing the kids had been reading lots of library books on China for weeks and quickly cranked out some facts on a poster board! Anthony took charge of the board and table and the this morning I was quite surprised with how well they did all on their own so I spent 4 hours today creating and sewing costumes to bring our China table to life! God poured out His grace as always, we pulled it together and the kids had a blast!:)



Posted by Shannon

With Open Arms: Adopting From Disruption

Yesterday an awesome blog, "No Hands But Ours" published a guest post we wrote on adoption disruption.

"We have no secret recipe for healing. But we do have a commitment to love these kids the way Jesus loves us. And when we fail and just cannot muster up the strength or feeling to show that love, Jesus supernaturally loves them through us. My goal as mom isn’t for my kids to love me, but for them to love Jesus who is real and lives in me!"- Me 

To see post click here: "with open arms: adopting from disruption"


Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part Three - Forever, Love and Family!

***This is part three about our 90 day wait until adoption, to read part one which explains the two month process that led up to the big trip click here: Turner's Adoption Story Journal- Part One - Paperwork, Prayers and Miracles! To read part two that tells all about our big trip to Michigan and meeting him for the first time click here: Turner's Adoption Story Journal- Part Two - Trials, Chaos and Hope ***


Turner fit right in from day one. Seriously, it was as if he had always been there. Like we had a hole in our family that only he could fill. God knew what He was doing when He brought us Turner! Since we had moved only a month and a half prior to taking a trip to Michigan we still had a lot of work to do! Turner got to get his hands dirty right away and learned a lot of new things like the character-building task of putting up wire farm fencing through wooded property!

Only days after we arrived home Turner got to witness his new sister, Mirabel, being baptized as a follower for Jesus! (Click here to see baptism video on youtube)

               

On February 25th, only days after Turner joined us we got to celebrate his 8th birthday. I think he got 3 separate cakes and parties that day from all our friends in our church, homeschool and adoptive parent support community!         

On February 26th our 2 week "honeymoon" had ended and some anticipated behaviors began to emerge. This is the first mild angry outburst, crying and shutting down event we had:

When one child was helping another child by cleaning up all his legos so they could come to lunch, he let her know, with much anger, that she was not doing it right and he didn't want her help!

"NO, NO, NO! Those are MY legos! I didn't want you to do that! You ruin EVERYTHING! FINE! Just ruin this too!"

Insert mom to stop the crazy stomping and throwing tantrum, scoop him up in my lap, hold him and begin to whisper: "I am not mad at you. I love you. I need you to listen to me and answer me or we will have to take a break from Legos today and they will have to spend the night in mommy's room. Okay?"

He calmed, but huffed under his breath, "Oh-Kaaay!"

"You are SO smart and creative. You have been given a talent to build anything you think of with legos. You build such wonderful and beautiful creations. Do you know you have legos inside you? Legos to build relationships. You can build beautiful word and actions that help relationships and build others up or you can build mean, ugly words and actions that hinder relationships and hurt others. What kind of word legos do you think you used?"

"Bad ones," came as a whisper.

"You used mean words with your sister, ugly legos. You know how sometimes when we have a big bin of legos the ones you use a lot end up on top but the ones you really need, but don't use often fall to the bottom? I know you have legos that build sweet words, beautiful legos somewhere in there. But because you use the ugly ones, the ones of disobeying and yelling and anger so often they are the easiest to find. Right on top. I would like to help you dig deep and bring out all those legos that I know are in there! It might take a while and a lot of digging. Can we, together, dig down deep and find the beautiful legos of truth and love? And use those legos to build relationships and encourage each other?"

He nodded, wiped the tears from his eyes, "yea I think we can."

So many times, including this one, after we are done talking and hug, I praise God in awe of the words He formed on my lips. In awe of the ceaseless grace He gives me to parent these little ones. I praise Him for the legos He filled me with to build a relationship of love and attachment with my child. 

That was just one of the patience testing fits and angry outbursts that filled up the month of March. Shutting down became a reaction to everything, everything was ignored and he would pick a spot and sit still as stone, sometimes for 10 minutes sometimes for 4 hours. Then all of a sudden he would happily run over to show me a toy or picture and the angry spell was broken. We had many occasions to walk through the process of reconciliation. You can't just get angry and ignore someone you love then act all happy when its conveinent for you. I would stop him and say, "I would love to see what you want to show me but first we need to talk about why you got so angry and ignored me all afternoon and wouldn't play with the family." At first he would blame it on something small like, "I hurt my toe" but as time went on he really began to open up and tell about past hurts and struggles and memories.

I purposed that from the time we picked him up to the time we adopted him we would make sure he knew he was very wanted. Everyday I told him how glad I was that he was with our family. On March 30th he finally responded.
Me: “I am so glad you are here, Samuel!”
Samuel: “You have said that everyday since I came here! Why to you say that!?!”
Me: “Because I am so overwhelmed with joy that you are here that it just overflows. I am truly glad you are here. Would you rather I stop saying it?”
Samuel cracks a smile: “No.”

As March ended and Turner began to mellow out and mesh again we began our search for the perfect name. We gave him four choices to choose from. Samuel was our favorite as it means "heard by God" or "answered by God" and God sure did hear us and answer our prayers for this little boy! We had prayed specifically for a boy Risa's age and here he was, her Chinese twin as she says :) After taking two weeks to really decide one day I called for Turner to come here and when he came he said, "By the way, it's Samuel now. You can call my Sam." That was that. Everytime a sibling or Brian or I would stumble and say Turner he would correct us right away, "it's Sam now." We decided that he would be given the new first name Samuel, we would keep Turner as a middle name in honor to the place his previous adoptive parents had in his life, Tianqi was his name in the Chinese orphanage and that would stay as a 2nd middle name and he would inherit our family name as his new last name.
           
April came and went like a blur, our mini farm was in full swing, it felt like we were being called to take in unwanted pets every day! Plus our two week family vacation to TX made the month fly by! Samuel was blossoming more and more everyday! He was becoming an excellent helper, was great during school and such a joy to be around. He began to talk about how much God was doing in his life and caught me off guard when he interrupted me one morning to tell me that he now knows why God purposed him to come here, to this family. Sam told me that, “God said, I will put him in a home where he will learn more about Me.” And learning about Jesus he is!

It has been amazing to see how tender his heart is and how he just adores learning what God has said in His Word. Samuel talks often of how he wants to go back to China, how there is so much idol worship there, and how he wants to become a missionary to tell them about Jesus. What an amazing little boy God has sent us!

  

On May 21st, 2014 our 90 days wait period was over and Samuel Turner Tianqi became legally ours! The court adoption was beautiful! Over 25 of our church and homeschool family came to witness. The judge had Sam come right up next to her and told him the story of Samuel from the bible and how his name means, "prayed for" or "heard by God"! She even had Sam sign the Final Judgement of Adoption with his hand on hers saying "if you sign this it means FOREVER!" She then had all our guests join hands and called our pastor over to pray over us! It was more like a church service than an adoption! A moment of pure bliss! The perfect memory of how our Sam was born into our family!

  

Watch Sam's adoption video here!

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part Two - Trials, Chaos and Hope!

***This is part two about our trip to Michigan, to read part one which explains the two month process that led up to this trip click here: Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part One - Paperwork, Prayers and Miracles! ***

We arrived in TN on Saturday 2/8 evening to visit with our friends, the D family. They are an amazingly encouraging family with 3 bio and 4 adopted children. We were excited to spend the weekend with them as we waited for Monday to roll around and our ICPC paperwork to arrive in FL for processing. The weekend flew by, we were blessed by the D's loving hospitality and the kids had a blast. Monday 2/10 early morning we got word from FL that they hadn't received our ICPC packet yet but were on the lookout for it and it would take 2-3 days to process once it had arrived. We packed up, said our goodbyes to our wonderful friends and headed north with the hopes the paperwork would arrive that day and we would be released by Wednesday 2/12.

Our dream is one day to have a house in the rolling mountains of TN!



Since we only made it 4 hours north to Cinncinati, OH by dinnertime we decided to park there for the night and enjoy our northern loves, Skyline Chili and the Creation Musuem! Tuesday 2/11 we enjoyed the warm, free inside activities the museum offered and checked in with the ICPC office around lunchtime. 

Bad news. 

The packet was not sent expedited mail on Friday 2/7 as we had thought, it hadn't even arrived yet to begin processing. We began brainstorming. All we could do is pray and trust. We decided to pray with faith that the paperwork would be recieved and not held up any later than Friday 2/14. God is faithful. Even though our stay in MI was becoming longer than planned we didn't want to miss out on any more time with our new son. We left OH and began the last 4 hour trek to MI arriving after sundown. After a long and noisy night boondocking at a rest station we were ready to be at his house on Wednesday 2/12 at 9am.

More bad news. 

Our RV wouldn't start, it wouldn't even try, no lights, sound, nothing. Must be the battery, we probably just needed a jump. As we stood outside in the single digit temperature, looking under the hood, we prayed "Lord, please send us someone to jump us." We looked around and asked the dozen other truck drivers that were parked around us. No one was willing or able. We called our roadside assistance service. They would come out in an hour or so but all normal charges would apply and what if it was more than a jump, a repair wasn't in the travel budget. We prayed again. "Lord, search our hearts, you know we just want to meet our son, please start our vehicle!" Our kids won't forget the miracle that happened next, Brian put the key in the ignition and the RV reved right up. I won't forget the silence on the other end of the phone when I called roadside assistance back only minutes later to say, "never mind, we don't need service, we prayed and God fixed our RV!"

It was a little nerves mixed with excitement that churned inside me as we waited at the door. A stack of boxes and suitcases greeted us in the foyer when the door opened. We stepped inside and a little boy with the same face as the child in the picture on our fridge, that we have been praying for since December, came forward and greeted us. "This is Turner, he is ready to go." And just like that he happily told us what was in each box and suitcase then darted down the front steps and to the RV. "Turner, do you need to know our names before you leave with us?" I stopped him. "Um, sure." We knelt down, introduced ourselves to our new son and walked him to our RV where he was greeted by five smiling children. We had prayed for him so often that even Titus and Maggie pointed from their seats, "Mama, Ter-ner, Ter-ner!"

Our new son joins us for the first time!

We sat down around the table for lunch at a local buffet. "Turner, we pray and thank God for our food before we eat, have you prayed before?"

"No."

"Okay, well have you ever heard of Jesus?"

"No."

"Well, that is the God we pray to, you will learn a lot about Him, let's pray."

All the campgrounds in Michigan were closed for the winter with 4 feet of snow on the ground. A local KOA campground had mercy on us, they plowed a spot and let us plug into the electrical outlet outside the bathrooms. After 15 minutes of waist-deep playing in the snow the kids were back in the warm RV changing into dry clothes and playing legos and board games. I had a barrage of phone calls and emails to decipher and spent a couple hours in the bathroom hallway in tears mudding through it all. We did find out that MI ICPC emailed all documents directly to FL since the mailed copies still had not been recieved. After explaining our situation and desire to go home with our son to the FL ICPC office I was told to "take a chill pill" and that they could take 10-14 days and even deny the request which would place Turner in foster care. Then email after email piled in my inbox with numerous additional required documents and paperwork, 23 items total, were needed to approve us to leave MI. Next thing we know this email came in:

"ICPC received a phone call from an anonymous person who claimed to be an attorney here in FL. This person stated that your family moved and now lives in a run-down mobile home that this anonymous attorney described as unhealthy to live in. This anonymous person also said the person with ICPC is being bad-mouthed over the internet, being called obstructionist, etc. The anonymous source stated that she has significant concerns regarding the new living conditions of your family. At minimum, an updated Home Assessment needs to be done now."

Bizarre. Just bizarre.

I was crying in the bathroom when Brian came in. We will never leave. Not with a new home visit and all the documents required. It could take weeks. We prayed, prayed boldly that God would perform more mightly miracles and let us leave by Friday 2/14. I have to admit it took me until Monday the following week to forgive this "anonymous attorney" for their call that labeled our family a "home with concerns" and threatened to send our son into state foster care. If you are reading this and you are this anonymous attorney, I forgive you.

I gathered my emotions, gave them to God and went to join Brian and the kids for a quiet, and cozy evening cooped up in the 250sqft RV.

  

Thursday 2/13 brought a blessed distraction from the previous day's emotional roller coaster. We spent lunch and dinner fellowshipping and playing with new friends, the G family! They have 12 adopted children and loads of encouraging experience in all things adoption, including ICPC! This was the family behind the His Hands His Feet Today Facebook page where we first learned of our son's need for adoption! We parted ways only after I joined KG for a special church service that evening and promised to update her as long as we were in MI.

We had been praying boldly for God to let us go home Friday 2/14, on Valentine's Day! Friday morning we headed to Ypsilanti, MI closer to the border to hang out and faithfully wait for the call! For only $22 we spent the morning and afternoon at the Michigan Firehouse Museum having loads of fun!

Adoption is a hurry-up-and-wait game.

Just as we were leaving and looking for a place to eat lunch we recieved two urgent documents that had to be notarized immediately. We found an OfficeMax to print the documents from my email, then found a local bank to wait and have them notarized, and then back to OfficeMax to scan documents in and email them back to our attorney. Even with rushing around this process took almost two hours. Happy Valentine's Day. We were sure that with all that urgency we would be released once ICPC recieved them. We went to lunch/dinner at Costco and waited until 5pm came and went. No call. Nothing. Documents sent in but no word, it seemed we would be stuck in Michigan for the weekend, possibly even all next week! Feeling let down, we stocked up on some more food for our lengthened stay. Since we were much farther south than the previous campground we stayed at we tried to find anywhere else. The navigation system directed us incorrectly for two hours around closed snowed-in roads resulting in us getting stuck twice and manuvering very difficult u-turns for a 32ft RV on dark, icy roads. Finally we found a parking spot in a closed state park. Water was shut off and we were out of water. Sewage dump site was under 4 feet of snow and we were way over due on dumping our sewage tanks....ew. Bathrooms and facilities were closed and locked. Then we noticed that overnight warm water had seeped through our bathroom floor meaning we had a frozen pipe and a leak...ugh.

It was not a fun night.

We were frustrated, angry and sad. We wanted to go home. We were tired of snow, ice and everything frozen. I wanted warm water and a shower. We were worried about the increasing attorney and social worker costs due to all this additional ICPC paperwork. We were worried about running out of funds in our travel budget if this trip was extended into next week. We were worried about Brian missing work and losing income. This is not how it was supposed to go. Where was God? We truly believed He would answer our prayers. We truly believed He would make a miraculous way for us to go home TODAY. We spilled our hearts and disappointments before the Lord and sought Him in His Word. We know God is sovereign and always good. We know God always pursues His perfect will, even when we don't know what that is. Even when we are just plain upset with His plan.



New mercies each morning.

Our fridge completely froze overnight, cereal and frozen milk for breakfast! On Saturday 2/15 our social worker, JB, who completed our homestudy back in December made a visit out with a friend to our new place. She, once again, approved our home to adopt. Around lunchtime she called to fulfill ICPC's additional requirements of interviews with the children. We passed the phone around as each child told JB, again, that they in fact wanted Turner to stay and be their brother.

Good news.

We expressed a need for prayer as we were struggling with the sad news of a longer stay and increasing attorney (ICPC), social worker (homestudy) and travel costs. Before I could even begin to think about fundraising, between 8am and 12pm on Saturday 2/15 morning God's people flooded our accounts with $3155 toward bringing Turner home! We have never been so excited to write the remaining checks when we get back home! Still has me in awe just thinking about it!

More good news.

A friend in FL who are members of ATI found a couple other members in their directory that lived up near Flint, MI so we could have friends to fellowship with and pass the time quickly. A wonderful man, GC, got in touch with us and told us that his wife and 7 kids were out of town at a funeral but he would love to have us stay with him as long as we needed to stay in MI. We were strangers, had never met before. GC was full of joy and so sweet to open up his entire home of empty beds and toys for us to enjoy! It really felt like the biblical hospitality you only read about in Acts!

   
The home church we visited on Sunday 2/16 morning, at the V family's house, was so encouraging. We brought boiled peanuts, which allowed much amusement as our northern brothers and sisters had never even heard of them before. The all day fellowship was sweet and the cute northern accents and different phrases kept me smiling! "Oh my stars! Where is my pop?" We even borrowed one of the V family's sons to visit America's Largest Christmas Store in Frankenmuth, MI. We enjoyed his company, presents and jellybeans!

Thank you again, Nicholas, for joining us! 

As Monday 2/17 rolled around we were actually sad to leave our new MI friends. GC was too sweet spending our last morning there playing many games with our kids while Brian and I responed to emails, cleaned up and packed all our stuff back in the RV. We were about to have to make a decision about whether Brian would head back home to work, leaving some or all of us in MI to wait, when our attorney said she was sure she could get us approval to leave today! We were on the road headed south by 3pm, a little anxious we would be wasting gas and have to turn around, but trusting in our good God's perfect will and plan this time.



At 4pm that Monday the email finally came! We could go home!!! We weren't done jumping through ICPC hoops just yet though, more awaited us in FL. Our attorney forwarded us the email from ICPC: "Praise The Lord and leave Michigan now before they want something else from me. -CT" 

"Florida is providing PROVISIONAL placement approval for this family
to return to Florida with Turner.

Florida requires an updated addendum to include face-to-face private
interviews with the children within 30 days."

We drove all night! 1000 miles from 4pm to 9am, stopping only for one more to-go dinner at Skyline Chili in OH, coffee and gas. We definitely felt your prayers as we drove through a snowstorm, ice and 25mph wind. Brian was able to make it in to work a little after 9am Tuesday 2/19 and we made it to our Classical Conversations weekly class. It was so nice to be home! No more snow! No more cold, it was 70 degrees and sunny, I packed up my snow boots and dawned a pair of flip-flops! 

  

Home Sweet Home!

State of FL law says that a child must be in your home, monitored by a social worker, for 90 days before you can legalize the adoption in front of a judge.
Stay tuned for "Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part Three - Forever, Love and Family" as I journal the next 3 months up to the day Turner officially becomes our adopted son!




Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone 

Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part One - Paperwork, Prayers and Miracles!

This is a story of God weaving His perfect will into our lives:

I inquired about a child on Tuesday 12/3 after seeing this sentence shared on a Facebook page: "I know of a 7 yr old boy (originally adopted from China 3 yrs ago) here in Michigan that is looking for a new family. Please private message me for more info if you are homestudy approved and interested in more info! Thanks!"

I messaged right away, even though we didn't have a current homestudy. Something struck me about this ad. Everytime our kids pray for us to adopt again they pray for a boy (to even out the number of boys and girls in the family) and they pray that he is Risa's age but a little older (that way every one has a "twin"; Anthony, 11, is just older than Mirabel, Titus, 2, is just older than Maggie). Even if we weren't the family for him, I share children in need on our "5 kids 6 months" page on Facebook so I wanted more to this little guy's story. The lady from the adoption agency, let's call her HD, sent me two documents, one had pictures and one had a description:

"Turner" – 7 year old boy (almost 8), adopted from China in 2010.

Health:
Turner was adopted with a nevus on his face. They have started surgeries to have this removed for cosmetic reasons, but stopped when Turner had a strong emotional reaction to the last surgery. He also has a tumor in his mouth, but the doctors are not concerned about it and do not feel it needs treatment.

Strengths:
Turner is an optimistic and cheerful, energetic little boy. He has a sweet, endearing personality and loves to talk. He is obedient and eager to please, and is always ready to hold your hand. Turner loves books. He is intelligent, and has no difficulty meeting grade level expectations. He is curious, and always eager to be involved in activities going on around him. He loves to build, and enjoys imaginative play, both alone and with others.

Weaknesses and concerns:
Turner is easily swayed by peer pressure. He has trouble remembering rules and following routines when not directly under adult supervision. He needs help identifying and owning his emotions, as well as regulating his emotions. Turner often lacks the confidence needed to challenge himself. He prefers to be babied rather than be independent. When Turner feels threatened, he plays a passive aggressive role in what he perceives to be power struggles. Turner has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and PTSD.

Best Fit:
Turner would thrive in a family who has a strong support system, and who is able to devote the time and attention to Turner's emotional needs. Ideally, I would recommend a placement with a family who does not have any children younger than or close in age to Turner, in order to not perpetuate the simulation of an institution. However, I believe that in an experienced family with a good support system, other children may not be as much of an issue."

*Turner is a child that was adopted in 2010 from China and due to family stresses and attachment issues the family that adopted him no longer feels fit and able to parent him. This is called an Adoption Disruption (read an article here). Out of love and wanting the best for him they contacted the agency that originally helped them bring him home from China to help find him a new family. I sympathize with the family, God alone knows their story and God loves them as much as He loves Turner.*

We were the only family that had inquired about him. I thanked HD and told her we would be willing to adopt him but we are not homestudy ready and we have three younger children so we don't meet the adoptive family's (lets call them AF) qualifications. We would begin praying for Turner to find the perfect family. On Thursday 12/5 at 9am I emailed five very close people to join with us to pray for this little boy. We prayed that God would raise up the perfect family for him.

God moved that same day! At 4pm HD, from the agency, called to let me know that a family with older children inquired and was very serious about adopting Turner. Again I got to see God's power (so far almost every child we inquire about finds a better suited home right away!). HD told me she would submit the new family's info to the AF on Monday 12/9 morning and asked if we wanted to submit our family bio as well. I told her that we prayed God would raise up another family and that we didn't have a homestudy to submit. I thanked HD for her time and praised God for His will for this child!


The end.

That should be the end, and I kept meaning to send a second email to my fab five to thank them for praying with me.

But God wasn't done.

--------------------
I received a call Tuesday 12/10 at 3pm from HD. She said that she presented ‎‎the willing family to the current AF and they asked if there was anyone else who inquired about Turner. HD then asked if she could submit us to the AF as another willing family. I thought she wanted to do that maybe to be able to say to the AF, "See this only other family that inquired (us) doesn't meet your requirements." Done deal. End of story.

I said "Sure, I don't have anything written up and our homestudy isn't ready." She asked if she could just show them our blog. I agreed. I didn't think another second about it, didn't think I would receive a ‎call back. They would see by our blog. They would see that we had young kids. They would see we are a large, busy homeschool family. And we didn't have a homestudy.

HD did call back at 5pm the same day. ‎She thanked me for letting her show our blog to the family and said it made their decision easier. Her next sentence almost made me drop the phone, "They looked over your blog and fell in love with your family, they know you are the family for their son!"

I am still in shock and awe of what God is doing! 

But worries began to run through my mind. We don't have a current home study done. Can we get a home study completed by the end of the year? We don't know what all the cost involved is. Could we raise the money it will take to bring him home?

--------------------
First, the homestudy. I spent the entire next day, 12/11, on the phone with two agencies in our county. I spoke to 5 people and all said that it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to complete our homestudy before late February. One lady nicely called me crazy for even thinking it could be done before Christmas. Also the private domestic homestudy that this adoption would require would cost $1500-1800. It was a dead end. They needed homestudy ready family for Turner, for sure they wouldn't wait on us.
 
"God, if you want us to adopt Turner you are going to have to get this homestudy done." 

Then I got one last option. There is this private social worker, JB, that does homestudies on the side, maybe she can do it. For sure if we couldn't afford the state's fees, we couldn't afford a private worker's fees. I called JB with little hope. I explained our situation, how we have all our paperwork ready, we got our fingerprints done, we went in for our physicals, we did our background checks, we just need a home visit and the final written report. She said she can only do one homestudy at a time, but it just so happens that the very moment I called she just finished and hit "send" on the only one on her plate and she had no others lined up. She said with everything so far along she should only need 2 weeks to complete it and she would only charge us $500. I am totally in awe!

Is anything impossible with God?

 --------------------
On Thursday 12/12 we got to meet Turner's adoptive parents via a video conference call with the agency. They told us more about Turner and their long road of therapies and attachment counseling. They asked us about our knowledge of RAD, our upcoming move, our homeschooling and our support system. We shared our struggles, our parenting strengths and mistakes and our love regardless of behavior that only Jesus gives us.  I really have a heart for this mother. She is in a place I have been. She feels isolated and rejected by her child, friends and others. She feels "emotionally bankrupt." The call ended on the note that they are 99% sure they wanted to move forward with us, they just needed to talk about it and get back with us. It was also agreed that once they tell Turner (no, he doesn't know anything is changing yet) they don't want to prolong the move. Although our prayers are with the AF, we are 100% sure we will take Turner if they choose this route.
 
JB called later in the day schedule our home visit for Saturday 12/14 and to encourage us to get in touch with an attorney, named CT, she uses for adoptions. We made an attorney consultation appointment for Tuesday, 12/17 and the first fee would be $100. Then my mind ran back to the financial worry. Where will we get the money to see this through?

Well, with 5 kids I can't sit too long on the worry train so life went on. We stopped by a local thrift store that we regular for the kids to shop for Christmas gifts with their hard earned money. The kids of course blurted out to a manager we know and love there that they will soon have a new brother. I caught her up with the events God was seeing through and she asked how much money would it cost. After telling her she loaded our car with boxes of brand new items donated from Walmart for us to sell to raise some of the money.

Amazing. Again, only God!

As soon as we got back home my phone rang, it was HD from Turner's adoption agency. She wanted to announce that the AF had for sure chosen and felt confident in us to complete the adoption. She wanted our attorney's information so we could move forward. Good thing I had called an attorney earlier that day and had one to give her!

We were chosen!

This story is getting long huh? As I was updating all the events above little Maggie popped up on my lap. She pointed to the boy in the picture. "That is Turner, sweetheart."
Her huge green eyes met mine, "Ter-ner" she says very carefully, "black face".
"Yes, sweetheart, Turner does have some black on his face."
"Titus"
"Yes, baby, like Titus' skin. Turner has yellow and brown skin. Turner needs a home, can he be your big brother?"
"An-ton-ee big bruda."
"Yes, Anthony is your big brother, can Turner be your big brother too?"
"Yesh! Ter-ner bruda."
Mirabel after watching the sweet reaction of her baby sister added, "Mom, I think Turner will like it here, we have all been through what he has been through. We have all had his behavior and RAD issues. We will be able to show him so much love." Our kids have all been ecstatic from day one, we have kept them in the loop this entire time.

This is feeling real.

This will change our thriving family dynamic. This will alter all our lives forever. I will be the mom of 6 precious lives. I put all the kids to bed and fear gripped me. I am human. I get scared. I cry. I weep. I feel inadequate. I wonder if I am truly following God's will. I still struggle with a desire to be a perfect mom. I realize how weak I am. I still require grace minute by minute. Then He shows me, again, His strength, His refuge, His love. God has been so good. I am so thankful He gave me the grace to embrace His will. I am more thankful He gives me the grace to sustain that same will.

Now to wait, begin fundraising, and get to Tuesday without more mental breakdowns.

   
--------------------
It's Wednesday 12/18, God has provided $600 through generous donations for this adoption so far! That is exactly the $500 for JB's homestudy cost and $100 for the attorney consultation fee that we needed to move forward!

Only God can make this adoption possible!

The meeting yesterday with the attorney, CT, went GREAT! CT is so sweet and knowledgable on foreign, interstate, disruption, private and domestic adoptions! She said she will work with us on all cost involved. Friday is also the perspective date of a conference call between all MI and FL workers working on this adoption. They will discuss the best route for Turner's adoption and the timeline of events!

----------------------

Oh my! It is Friday 12/20 and our homestudy is completed! We had to have it to our attorney by 12pm today to have in notarized and sent to Michigan before everyone is closed next week!

At 11:15am I received a call from our social worker, "I am sending the homestudy to you now but I need it signed by you and Brian and to the attorney by 12pm."

I was driving kids to Nanny's house, so we went home to print signature page at 11:25am it still wasn't in my inbox.

So I drove to Nanny's to drop kids off and print it out there, after traffic and a computer boot up I had signature page in my hand by 11:55am.

Drove to Chick-fil-A, cut in long lunch line to interrupt a woman giving Brian her order, "Sign please! So sorry ma'am, we are adopting a child and this has to be to our attorney in 60 seconds! Thanks Hon! Bye!" By her stern look she didn't care, oh well.

Thankfully attorney's office was just up the road and I ran in at 12:05pm. They waited on me and sent it to MI.

I promised God that I wouldn't rush this process due to excitement or hinder it due to fear. I would follow any timeline He places on the agency's heart! We were told a homestudy done before Christmas was impossible. Well, the impossible just happened because only 9 days later our homestudy is completed and in the hands of our attorney!

 

"Nothing is Impossible with God" is certainly not just a cliché! (Luke 1:37)

 

We were told not to expect to hear anything until after January 1st. So now we wait.

------------------------

It's Tuesday, January 14th. There has been lots of miscommunication, missing information and waiting. We still don't have an exact timeline but it's been busy in our home, seems like God has sent us lots of healthy distractions to keep me from being incredibly impatient. 

I did finally speak with our attorney it is understood we will have to fund more than she originally thought. We need $2500 in her hand before she can proceed through the court paperwork, she said by Friday, 1/17. Once we have funding and she starts the process Turner could be with us in 2-3 short weeks! God hasn't let us down yet. It seems impossible to raise that much money in three days. If this is God's will and plan He will see it through. We will just wait.

The Lord will provide!
--------------------

PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Our $2500 for the attorney was due 12pm today, 1/17. Guess what!?! At 11:50am we had $2500 EXACTLY in our account! This is not the end, only the beginning step. There is still remaining attorney fees and travel cost to get to Michigan, wait on court to release us and come back to FL. So far God has provided and He will again! We promised we would not rush this adoption or hinder it, we will let only God in His grand provision move it forward!!!
----------------------

At the attorney’s office today, Monday 1/20, for a conference call between all parties. We are hoping for some clarification on this, new to us, ICPC paperwork process. ICPC is the Interstate Compact of the Placement of Children. It was established and exists to keep track of all children crossing state lines during an adoption process. The ICPC paperwork begins in the “sending state” (in this case MI) then is sent to the “receiving state” (in this case FL) to be sure both states approve and accept responsibility for the child until they are legally adopted. In FL a child has to be in your home for 90 days before you can legally adopt them. During this time a licensed social worker will visit every 30 days for a total of 3 times to be sure all in the home are adjusting well. At this point the ICPC paperwork will be started and once it is completed and submitted it takes 7-14 days for us to receive a “consent of release”, basically a call saying, “come pick up your new son!”
--------------------

Adoption is a constant "Hurry-up and Wait" game.

We rush to get additional documents signed and in then wait, rush to tie up some loosed ends then wait. It is almost February and we have been doing a lot of hurry-uping and waiting. We have to decide on travel to get to MI. We are debating between taking a week vacation with the whole family and traveling in our RV to pick up Turner or Brian and I flying directly to MI and directly back to FL with Turner. At this point we are leaving it in God's hands and His perfect will. He knows Turner best and what form of travel would be best for him. We will just pray that whatever money God provides for this travel we will use for His purpose. We will wait and see....
--------------------

In just 4 days $1560 poured in through generous donations! That is a huge answered prayer and means we will plan RV travel from here on out!

GOD IS GOOD!
---------------------

It is Tuesday, February 4th and we have word that all paperwork was submitted to MI ICPC for approval. We are being told 2-3 days for approval then 2-3 days approval time from FL. Our prayer is if there are no hold ups and MI approves our paperwork by Friday 2/7 we will head up to MI to pick up our son and wait on FL's final approval. In the meantime we will begin packing our RV to prepare for God to move on Friday!
---------------------

Friday, 2/7 at 3pm our prayers were heard and we recieved MI APPROVAL! We are loading up and will leave first thing in the morning! We take a nice slow drive up to MI, stopping in TN halfway and picking up Turner on Tuesday 2/11. We are hoping for FL approval by Wednesday 2/12 and we will make it a slow and eventful ride back to FL! Off we GO!

 

Stay tuned for "Turner's Adoption Story Journal - Part Two - Trials, Chaos and Hope" as I write about our travels, hardships and joy in Michigan!


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone