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Showing posts with label orphan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orphan. Show all posts

Monday, February 29, 2016

Best of Facebook: February 2016

2/1/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

SO EXCITED! GI doctor just sent a prescription order for a formula made from REAL foods, called Liquid Hope!!! Why is this so exciting? Because this is the first time in 11 years my Britt girl will have something other than Corn Syrup and Soy oil as "nutrition" for her body! She will finally experience God's real, whole, natural, healthy, food and we can't wait to see how it benefits her mind and body!!! Picture is a comparison of ingredients from her old formula, Elecare Jr. and her NEW formula Liquid Hope!!! Can't wait!



"Daddy, can this be my cow this time? I am big now, I can feed him, I promise!"
Our Ty-man is turning 5 years old this month and this time its his turn to raise his very own bottle baby calf. Meet Pibb, he is a 3 day old Jersey bull from a local dairy. Here we go again!


That moment when you are tucking everyone in to bed but something doesn't feel right. So you get your rain coat and go check on your baby calf and baby goat. Baby Pibb is dry and warm in the stable, mama goat, Zelda, is staying dry in her house but where is baby Holly!?! It is storming bad here with flood warnings all night. Tonight is not a good night for tiny Holly to be missing!

Thirty long, wet minutes later I finally find a soaking wet baby goat in between a pile of pallets. Negligent mama Zelda got a good scolding and, needless to say, baby Holly is sleeping inside tonight! Oh the adventures I have with 7 kids and 50 animals!!!



As we prepare our to speak on adoption during a conference break-out session this Saturday and invite another TV news crew, SwissTV, to film us this Sunday I am filling my heart with Scripture, reading through Adopted for Life by Moore again and looking through memories of our journey so far.

Here are three things I know:
1. Personally caring for orphans is not optional for Christians. God calls it pure and faultless religion because it is a living, physical picture of our spiritual adoption; although we were once orphaned through sin now we are adopted as sons (and daughters) by God, our Father, through Jesus Christ.
2. Adoption is just plain HARD! It is messy, lonely and confusing. It is full of unforeseen trials, tears and doubt. It stretches us until we have reached the absolute end of ourselves and come to a point of fully relying on God for super natural strength, patience and endurance to finish this race.
3. We would do it again and again because adoption has put us smack in the middle of God's will for us; which is that we would grow in sanctification (1 Thes. 4:3), be made perfect and complete through enduring trials (James 1:2-4) and through loving others our joy would be made full (John 15:10-12)!

Adoption is necessary and difficult yet pure JOY!


There are over 150 million orphans in our world today. If all the orphans in the world started their own country it would be among the top 10 countries with the largest population, having a larger population than even Russia.

Christians, how great does the need have to become for us to finally act? Let us show the world our religion is true, in the way the bible calls pure and faultless, by caring for the orphan in their distress.



We enjoyed having new friends from SwissTV out to film and interview today! Can't wait to see what they turn our chaos into! Our only prayer is that we bring our Father glory and through us viewers may see a glimpse of Jesus!


"I love you, mommy." I love this girl and thankful for every moment with her! We are in the hospital again, keep Britt in your prayers. God is in control.

Yesterday when we noticed a sudden fever we rushed Britt to the ER. Due to the drug (Solaris) that she has infused to keep her life-threatening illness (aHUS) at bay she is more susceptible to deadly bacterial infections. We were all hoping her sudden fever of 104 was just from a normal cold, strep or even the flu. The hospital admitted us overnight as they waited for the blood cultures to come back. They were expecting all to be fine and Britt would be discharged today. Turns out the results are the worst case scenario, it came back that Britt does have a bacterial infection in her blood stream. But Brittney is a sweet, strong girl and is in good spirits. They have her on two strong antibiotics with the hopes to eradicate the infection quickly and that we will be able to stay at this local hospital and go home again in a week or so. Please pray for our Britt girl! we love her dearly!



Britt isn't feeling very good today. Although still her pleasant self she is more tired and doesn't want to do much other than sit and take care of her baby dolls. I caught a cold while here so I am happy to just enjoy our lazy Saturday together.


What a perfectly timed FB memory to pop up today as I sit with my girly in the hospital so thankful we said yes to her a year ago! The overflowing joy she brings to our family far outweighs the small trials that accompany her care.

Let me clarify for all of you who wonder and say, "Shannon, this special needs child you are considering adopting, she will take so much from your time, your schedule, your family and even your life! Why would you do that?"

2/13/2015: Well friends, to be honest, this child cannot take those things from me because I gave those up a long time ago. I gave those up when I met a Man. A Man that looked upon me, in my wretched state, not as too much work, but as wanted. Not as too much time but as worthy of love. This Man willingly emptied Himself, gave up all His energy and even His own life to make me His child. To adopt me into His family, His kingdom, His inheritance and give me new life eternally.

This life is no longer mine but Christ who lives in me. Isn't that the gospel? "And He (Jesus) was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." Luke 9:23-24 (see also: Matt 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 17:33).

Did God not sustain me through taking in five kids at once? Did God not sustain me when saying yes to a little boy from MI? I cannot let my trust waver now! God has already proved Himself mighty in strength and God will certainly sustain me to parent this child as well!

We believe that every child is worthy of love and a family regardless of their physical, mental, emotional or behavioral needs. By stepping out in faith by being open and willing to adopt again, we are simply practicing what we preach!


Good news! Yesterday they took two separate blood samples on Brittney, one from her chest port again and one from Saphenous vein (in her thigh). While the chestport sample still came back positive for bacteria growth the thigh vein sample was negative! This means we caught the infection early enough that it wasn't able to spread to the blood stream! It is an isolated port infection from when her port was accessed for her infusion Thursday. Now we are just waiting to hear whether we will have to stay hospitalized while antibiotics are administered or we will be sent home with outpatient antibiotics.


Hospital day #3 Valentine's Day

Brian and I had this weekend all planned. We had a sitter, hotel and were looking forward to an overnight trip kayaking with manatees. Finally a getaway we have been greatly looking forward to! Our weekend turned out much different than planned, chatting in a hospital room, eating cafeteria food and playing with our little girl.

But this is love. Love lays aside our wants for the needs of others. Love stays by your side. Love makes you family. Love is from God. God is Love! We are happy to be right here in the middle of God's perfect plan on this Valentine's day, a day all about love.


Tomorrow we should hear whether we will have to finish IV antibiotics here in the hospital, be released to finish IV antibiotics with in-home nursing or be transferred to Shands hospital to have Brittney's chest port replaced. We are anticipating being hospitalized all week but we have already lined up care for our kids at home since Brian works Tue-Sat. Times like this show us what an amazing and supportive community of Christians we have surrounding us! Praise God our Britt is doing good and I thank Him daily for YOU!!!


Brittney got to do crafts with the Child Life Specialist and Art therapist while I attended a 4-hour Skype training. Then we got to paint a hospital ceiling tile. Otherwise it's been a lazy day and I am quickly becoming antsy to go home. While appreciated the rest for the first couple days I am ready to be home. I want to pull up my muck boots, get my hands dirty and be back to my busy, crazy farm life surrounded by nonstop children and animal adventures!


Brittney is doing good, just tired. There are volunteers and therapy students during the day and they have many fun activities but we are both are getting ready to be home. A little bad news today, the blood culture from 3 days ago came back positive for bacteria growth still. We can't go home until we have 3 consecutive negative blood cultures and they have to each be negative for 72 hours. So each positive culture sets us back several days and makes it more likely we will have to go through surgery to replace her chest port. We are still praying they can eradicate the infection in her port and we are thankful we have been able to stay local and not transfer to Shands!


Brittney had an awful morning. We had some x-rays and tests and it looks like, even after 7 days of antibiotics, the infection is still present and growing. We will have surgery to remove her chest port tomorrow. They will put in a temporary central line then when the infection clears she will have another surgery to place a new chest port. Now we are just chilling and doing our favorite thing, playing with stickers!


2/19/2016: Click here to see photo on FB:

Just as I want to throw a big, sloppy, loud, ugly mommy tantrum because we got the news we will have to stay hospitalized at least 2 more weeks my phone rings. Another long-distance mama calling me for an ear that just says, "I've been there! I hear you!" This is the third call this week from mamas struggling as they bear the tough weight of this fostercare journey.

She encouraged me without knowing it. I shared our real with her and before I know it I am preaching to myself. About God's grace, His refining fire, and how He didn't make a mistake when He put you right where you are. God used that phone call to remind myself that during these most difficult times He is teaching me (or reminding me) how to rely and depend FULLY on Him. I am so flawed and far from perfect, for if I did have it all together I could point to myself but I don't, so I point to Jesus.

Deep down I know why I am here. I would rather spend 100 days in the hospital with this girl than 1 day at home without her. I may not be able to keep her from having to stay in the hospital but I can make sure that she is never again in the hospital alone. God doesn't need to pour out His goodness on me, for He already has when He called me to be the mommy of my sweet Britt Britt!



So many of you were sweet enough to offer to send a card or stickers to our Britt girl to brighten her stay here at the hospital. Let's do it! Handmade construction paper cards are perfect, no need for store bought, and whatever sheet of stickers you have lying around will bring her joy! SHARE to spread the word to show some love to a precious little girl!



We gots our hairs did! I put lots of bright and happy beads in it to brighten up our hospital stay! We can certainly feel your prayers, this hospital stay doesn't feel nearly as hard emotionally as it could. And a huge thank you for our two packages of stickers today, one from Maryland and one from Las Vegas, Nevada! You guys are amazing!!!


Thank you for your kindness and generous sticker gifts! You can see them all over Britt's legs! Lol! The doctor said she is doing well and surprised us by sending us home today!!! We have to come back in a few days for a check-up so no sticker deliveries will be missed but we can go home!

The doctor just came in and said we could go home today!!! We were expecting to camp out here until early March but they are working on discharge papers now! I am too excited!!!


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Saturday, October 31, 2015

Best of Facebook: October 2015

10/1/15: Click here to see post on FB:
Two years ago I was desperate and finally beginning to open up about our biggest and hardest struggles with our children. It seemed like every time I became bold enough to share the most recent tantrum or incident we had in our home I was told by fellow moms, "Oh, they are just being a kid. This is just a stage they are going through. All kids do that." Finally our youth pastor and his wife sat down and listened to us and the desperateness in our tone. A few weeks later he presented us with this book, he had found it, read it and believed it would be very helpful to us.

Now I had already read book after book, The Connected Child, The Whole-Brained Child, etc and read blog after blog. We had done years of counseling and therapy (including EDMR for a couple months which I do not hold a high opinion of). I was tired of bad news and hopelessness. I was skeptical that another book, another author could help me. BUT, this book was different and as I read it it didn't just give me more head knowledge and parenting tools but it fed my soul. It gave me a renewed view of my children. Not through my worn and weary, struggling to show love eyes but helped me view them through the eyes of Jesus who loves them unconditionally and sacrificially!

This book did change our lives. So much so just months after reading this book God called us to adopt our Sam from an adoption disruption who was diagnosed with RAD. God had shown us so much of His healing power in so little time that we extended trust in Him once again as we pursued another. The healing in Sam was very evident very quickly. He is a walking testimony of the goodness of God and such a blessing to us!

Just less than a year ago one of our children had an isolated incident that led to us having all of our children interviewed and and evaluated by two licensed therapists. I told them our past diagnoses of RAD, PTSD, ODD, ADHD and chronic enuresis. I told them briefly of the horrifying history of their lives before coming into our care. After hours in the office while they saw and spoke with each individual child they called me in the room. What they said to me had me in tears, "Ma'am, we have never met such smart, happy, focused, well-mannered and ATTACHED children as we have seen today. They have only been with you a short 3 years and they don't fit any of their previous diagnoses and whatever you are doing is amazing!"

"But it isn't me, they are healing despite my failures, it is Jesus!"



We often hear, "it takes a special person to raise someone else's children!" or "I could never do what you are doing." Well, I am not super-human for sure, most of the time I look around and wish I was as patient or loving or kind as so-and-so. So to be honest, if I can adopt and parent these kids ANYBODY can do it.

When people ask how do you do it, I say "I am not, it's Jesus." Our human love will never be enough to heal these kids, our human therapies will never be enough to heal these kids but these things coupled with the love of Jesus is what HAS healed my kids! That is why it has to be the followers of Christ that step up to the plate and sacrifically lay down their lives to give these kids one! We, the church, and our church congregations have got to step up and love these kids, our neighbors.

But love is not enough for the days after adoption. We must also be willing to become equipped in attachment parenting. Far too many adoptions are being disrupted (FL has a current disruption rate of 42%). We get emails and calls non-stop from some of these desperate families hanging on by a thread. Why? Because adoption is HARD. It is born in pain, grief, loss and sin. Adoption is a beautiful blessing but it is like a rose that takes time to grow from the ashes. What got us through isn't the skills we had to learn, the trainings we attended, the books we read or the therapies we sat through. What got us through and is getting us through is the unwavering commitment to love these kids regardless of their behavior. A commitment to pursue them as they push away from us with a supernatural love. Did we not run away from God, withhold our affections from Him, live our lives in a way that didn't please Him? But while we were in our sin He loved us so much He laid down His life for us. What pulls us through the hardest days is a deep desire, not to adopt or love, but a to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus by loving sinners the same way He did, with His very life.


Every year Brittney's school takes their special kids and their families to camp for 4 days. Brian wasn't able to come so me and these 7 kiddos attended and had lots of fun. Brittney's school bussed us to the FL Elks Youth camp where they put us up in air-conditioned cabins, fed us like kings and had tons of fun activities ready for us! The kids had lots of time in the pool, got to tie-dye shirts, participate in a ropes course, practice archery, ate lots of icecream and desserts, danced the night away and made smores at a bonfire! Here are some pics of our time.



Three hours and some sore fingers but I am feeling pretty accomplished tonight! She kept looking in the mirror and saying "so pretty, so pretty!" She likes it so it was worth it! :)


We enjoyed having France 2 TV out today for our interview. They were very kind and patient with us and the kids felt like little stars for sure being followed around by a huge camera. I could tell that the kids were also intrigued by their beautiful language and accents, maybe after Spanish class we will take up French. :)

My favorite moment was due to English being their second language one asked, "Do you breed your animals?"
To which I said, "yes, we have bred some at times."
"Ah, so can we film you breeding the animals?"
"Um, well, if that is what you think would make good tv then I suppose...."
"Oh! I meant to say feed! Can we film you feeding the animals!"
"LOL, Yes! We feed all the animals everyday. We can film that." :)
We all got a good laugh at that one.



I came across a journal from 2012 that I had kept at the request of our counselor. Everyday it had a very short entry of what behaviors we dealt with that day. As I read through them I had forgotten some of the huge daily struggles we have worked through. I showed the journal to our big kids, "See this is why I was such a crazy mom when you first came, I didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff."
Mirabel read it over, "Geez, I can't believe I did this stuff to you. We really were awful!"
"Yea, but you know what I was doing at the same time I was writing these daily journal entries?"
Mirabel smirked, "Crying and eating chocolate?"
"I suppose. At the same time that you were running away, hitting me, cussing me out and doing everything in your power to push me away I was getting fingerprinted and background checked and filling out mountains of paperwork to make you mine."

Adoption is the living gospel. For it was me who was that little orphan girl running from the love of a Father. Yet even in my fighting and running He gave up everything, His only perfect Son, for a chance to adopt me as His own. I now love Him, because He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Our kids love us now because we chose to show them a glimpse of our Father's love.

Adopt because you were adopted! Even when you don't "feel" it, love your kids because your Father loves you! Even though they push and push you away, pursue your kids because your Father pursued you! Even when it feels too hard to keep going, don't give up because your Father didn't give up on you! Even now, in this trial, in this struggle remember that He promises, if we love Him, He will work all things together for our good! (Rom. 8:28)



A young stranger was walking up our long driveway, something small and white let out soft cries in his arms. I walked halfway out to greet him, "Is everything okay?"

"Ma'am we had a goat and she just gave birth to this baby but she died right after. You have goats and we know you will take good care of her."

As I held this tiny little life now entrusted in our care I was reminded of the verse in Prov 12:10 that says, "a righteous man has regard for the life of his animal..." I am so thankful for the reputation that God has granted us in our community. A reputation that no matter the species, breed or color, if they are in need of a family they can find one with open arms here.

Welcome home baby Abba. I hope your place on our farm continually reminds us that God is "Abba, Father" to the orphan.



This is our baby girl, Abba goat. Yes she is dressed as a pumpkin! .... Why? You ask? Because it is freaking adorable!!!



"So you guys are in charge of all these kids?" asked a woman who greeted us as we visited a new church today.

"I suppose we are in charge of them...we are a family, these are our children."

We saw the pastor's eyes widen with curiosity as we came to the door to exit. The woman who greeted us earlier turned to the pastor, "They adopted ALL these kids! Seven!"

The pastor shook our hands, "Well, you certainly have your hands full!"

"Sir, we simply took the Bible quite literally when God said, 'pure and undefiled religion is to care for the orphan.'"

We took part in a local homeschool geography fair tonight. We studied China and the kids were able to present what they learned. It was so neat, there were at least 20 other tables to visit and each child got a little passport to fill up with stickers and facts from each Country or State. Lots of tables even had food from their location to taste. We brought freshly cut bamboo from our own bamboo forest on our farm to give away!

Since I have it all together we started this project at 11pm the night before it was due!!! Good thing the kids had been reading lots of library books on China for weeks and quickly cranked out some facts on a poster board! Anthony took charge of the board and table and the this morning I was quite surprised with how well they did all on their own so I spent 4 hours today creating and sewing costumes to bring our China table to life! God poured out His grace as always, we pulled it together and the kids had a blast!



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Friday, March 20, 2015

With Open Arms: Adopting From Disruption

Yesterday an awesome blog, "No Hands But Ours" published a guest post we wrote on adoption disruption.
"We have no secret recipe for healing. But we do have a commitment to love these kids the way Jesus loves us. And when we fail and just cannot muster up the strength or feeling to show that love, Jesus supernaturally loves them through us. My goal as mom isn’t for my kids to love me, but for them to love Jesus who is real and lives in me!"- Me 
To see post click here: "with open arms: adopting from disruption"


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Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone
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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Is Adoption a Calling?

We dreamed of our future family. Our perfectly planned two child family. One boy and one girl, in that order. Well, maybe a third, but only if we didn’t get our two genders on the first two tries. We had our two baby names picked out. One boy and one girl. We were already following the American Dream step by step. Nice apartment as newlyweds. Two brand new cars. Then a big mortgage on a big beautiful house. Add in our credit cards, beautiful financed furniture, stylish, new clothing that we never had time to wear because we were always working in our uniforms, nice dinners out every other night and big, expensive vacations. Isn’t two kids, a 50 hour work week, a truck load of debt and a life of living far above our means the normal American Dream? We were normal. We were happy.


But then we were hit by a whirlwind. We were pursued and our hearts were captured. The desire to live a life of the American Dream was torn from our minds and replaced with a new desire. A desire to lose our lives. A desire to give up our lives to serve. A desire to serve others until the end of our lives. A desire to please, honor and obey the One who laid down His life as a ransom for ours. A desire to be willing to be used in any way that He would chose to use us to further His kingdom and for His glory.
"Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 
We gave our perfect future family to God. We asked God to choose for us how many children we would have and asked Him to build our family in any way He chose, through birth or adoption. We put our life spent chasing the American Dream on the altar. We sold our cars and bought ones we could afford with cash. We sold our house and bought one we could afford with cash. We gave up one income so we could best care for the blessings God gave to us through adoption. We live within our means and by God’s provision through tight budgeting, growing and raising much of our own food, buying used clothing, items and furniture from second hand and thrift stores. God changed all aspects of our dreams, our desires, and our lives.
“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present you bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2
When we are born again we truly are new creatures. We serve a new King, in a new community. We are no longer part of this world but aliens from a distant land just passing through. While we are here we serve our King through serving others. But how do we know our calling? How do we know God’s will for this new life?
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3a
When God saved us we were instantly justified. We were forgiven, washed clean and made new creatures in Christ. Our justification was like standing in front of the judge as Christ petitioned to adopt us as His own. We were adopted in that moment. Justification says “you are My child,” sanctification says “now live like you are My child.” Sanctification is the life long process of our lives becoming more and more like Christ. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 1:6-9 where God compares this process of the testing and building of our faith to that of a blacksmith as he plunges the gray stone into the fire. As the flames lick this stone slowly the dross melts away into the heat and revealed is a brilliant, shimmering yellow malleable liquid that we call gold. That is us. What a picture. But do we step in the fire willingly? Do we kick and scream and fight when it gets too hot? Are we keeping our eyes glued to our future hope? To Jesus who is more precious than gold and whose image we are conforming to?


Sanctification hurts. It is like being thrust into fire. It burns. But sanctification comes with a great promise! That we will one day be as precious and shining as gold. A promise that one day we will see glorification. A day when we will be finished, given and new imperishable body and taken to our permanent, eternal home. Oh, how there are days I am so homesick and long earnestly for that day. Lord, Your will be done, Your kingdom come.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to becomes conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Romans 8:28-31
As we walk through this Christian life, as we walk through our sanctification God will continue to work on us by putting His Word into our mind (“cognition”). He will then plant seeds of “conviction” that will one day bear the fruit of “affection.” Terms were taken from this article, The Steps of Biblical Sanctificaion by John MacArthur.

To turn this post to our heart for adoption, let me say that as we allowed God’s Word to sink deep into our hearts our cognition of God’s character deepened. We see that God loves and cares for the orphan. Because we are being conformed to Jesus’ likeness we therefore will also love and care for the orphan. We see that God created all humans in His image and put an intrinsic value on every child regardless of their physical, emotional or mental capabilities. We value life, all life, because God does. We truly believe that God will place this same cognition in the minds of all His people at some point in their sanctification. That cognition is the seed that grows into a plant of conviction. Because God values all life and loves the orphan we grow a conviction as God’s people to step up and put those words into action.

That conviction will come in many ways but often is in the form of adoption. Everyone we talk to about our family always says something like, “we have thought about adoption one day.” I have never met a Christian that didn’t mention their personal love for adoption. Because, we believe, God has written His love for adoption on all of our hearts when He adopted us.

This may rub some wrong but we do not believe that adoption itself is a “calling” from God.

What!?!


If God picked and chose certain Christians to adopt then I am the last qualified for this calling of taking care of His children! I love clean, quiet, order and normal. I am introverted and really don’t like attention or touch. I am not a very fun or huggy or soft, motherly natured type person. I am all business and structure, a “let’s get her done” kind of gal. I am more equipped to climb a corporate ladder than kiss boo-boos and counsel young hearts. Did I hear the call of God wrong? Maybe He meant for me to lead a Christian business from behind a computer in my quiet of my childless house.

God doesn’t call the equipped, but I promise He equips who He calls!

We definitely don’t feel we were audibly “called” by God to adopt children. We were called to follow God and sacrifice all for Him. As we surrendered we followed God where His heart is. His heart is with the poor, the needy and the orphaned, therefore that is where we followed Him. Are we “called?” Yes, called to love others as ourselves. We don’t want to be poor, hungry or without parents so why would we leave others in that condition? Did we always want to adopt? Absolutely not. We wanted what we viewed as the easy road, birth children. But we had that still, small voice, that passing thought that said, “we will adopt one day because we were adopted.” Slowly, as we stepped out in faith and willingly obeyed that conviction deep in our hearts. God grew that conviction into a tree that bore fruit of affection for adoption, that affection turned “one day” into TODAY. God today we will adopt. We won’t make them who you love suffer any longer as orphans. We will take on Your heart for the orphan and cure their plight today. We surrendered our lives when we submitted, just as Isaiah the prophet did before us (Isaiah 6:8), “Here we are Lord, send us.” In that surrender God did an amazing work tilling our hearts, changing our desires and equipping us for this road of adoption He “called” us to.

This past week we tilled up a 2000sqft area that will prayerfully be a plentiful garden. Brian did most of the tilling as it was quite the difficult task. A small but powerful machine with rotating blades designed to dig deep into the hard earth and make it soft and ready for seeds. Our dirt was compacted and hard after having much heavy machinery drive on it while moving our mobile home onto the property. The tiller had its work cut out for it. It took several rounds going over and over the hard soil. Each time the tiller passed over an area of dirt it dug deeper and deeper cutting up huge roots and digging up large rocks and stone that couldn’t be seen on the surface. Slowly the soil began flowing freely and easily through the blades as it stirred a black living substance that will miraculously grow our food. Holding onto that tiller as it fought and leaped against the hard ground it gave me a picture of my own heart. A hard heart that God forced His perfect tiller over. He tore through the surface of selfishness and continues to dig deep, cut roots of anger and bitterness and throw out stones of pride. Until more of my soil begins to resemble that perfect, rich and soft magic that will grow great fruit for Him. What a picture Jesus paints in the parable of the soils in Matthew 13.


We are told all the time how AMAZING we are. How awesome what we are doing is. How great it is that we “found” our calling in this life. I cannot tell you how incorrect this is! We are the furthest people from amazing. We don’t always walk willingly or immediately. We don’t always want to follow the convictions God puts in our hearts. Why? Because this road is hard, tiring and at times lonely. We are human, weak and fearful. We don’t feel ready or equipped when we take the leap of faith and say, “yes” once again. We walk in faith (“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1) and then pray and pray that God would give us an affection for this conviction. He always does. Each time He calls us again to this road of adoption through conviction He always grows that affection within us later. So even when we are scared to walk this road again we can remember that God has proven faithful in the past. He will grow in us that affection if we will walk in faith now.

Do we feel supernaturally "called" as adoptive parents?
No, this is just the way the universal "call to sacrifice" has played out in our personal life.


Let me leave you with this quote that is stuck deep in my heart.    
“No generous impulse is from Satan. All good and generous impulses are from God!” - Jodi Ware, wife of Bruce Ware from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
Satan isn’t out there tempting people to care for the orphan. He is against all things good and holy. He wants you to give you 1000 reasons why you can’t possibly be called to do God’s will.

If you have ever thought that adoption would be something you could see yourself doing one day then maybe, just maybe YOU have been “called” by God.

Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone
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Sunday, March 16, 2014

I Wasn't on the Adoption Train: A Husband’s View on Adoption.

I guess it is time for me to write on the husband’s perspective in the foster/adoptions that we have done. My heartfelt prayer is for you to first go to the Lord and ask Him to open your eyes and heart to what you are about to read.
 
Was I always on the adoption train with my wife?
No, there was so much to consider like finances, questions about whether we could conceive, what would the adopted child think, and was this truly "our" calling? Did I feel adoption was right….of course….at the right time. All that being said, I had to stop my compartmentalizing of the situation and search the scriptures to see what God says.


What is the husbands role and seeking wise counsel? 

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Eph 5:25)
"Got it" you say? What does that verse truly mean? Christ gave Himself up for the church….His life…the cup did not pass from Him….sacrifice. Jesus was also in prayer continually with the Father.

The final decision is the husband’s right?
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph 5:21)
Husbands are the head of the household, but what does that truly mean? That means the final responsibility falls on our shoulders in regards to all decisions. Does that entail being a dominant force with final say and everyone bows to your will? Absolutely not! First, ultimately we are managers or stewards of our household that will be responsible to Christ. Many times we can be easily swayed to look around us to others for a gauge as to how we are doing. But we have the manual of how we measure up in our management role in the Word of God.
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Josh 24:15b)
To clarify, Christ is head over you, next comes you, and then your wife. So you ultimately are responsible to Christ for decisions of your house. Do you contain all knowledge? No, only God does and that is why we are called to seek wise counsel and hearken to the wisdom of a godly woman (see Prov 31). So when that question arises or the thought of adopting/fostering, go to the Lord, seek wise counsel (your wife included), and then come to a decision. Remember, you should be able to point to Scripture in your decision so that you and your wife may be at peace.
 
  

But God made me more level-headed and she gets emotional…
Okay, but my wife gets emotional about orphans and I can’t jump every time she gets emotional about something…I would have 20 kids, 10 puppies, and many other "whims" in the house. Let’s return to God’s Word.
"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." (Prov 31:11)
 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Prov 18:22) 
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'" (Gen 2:18).
The world tells us that women are on a totally different plane then men, but where the world says just cope with the difference…the Bible says God created the differences. God made Eve as a helper to Adam. Women are not a clone of men, but a compliment. We see the technical aspects and she sees the emotional aspects. We think in the black and white and she sees the color. She dreams it and we build it. Amazing how this works! She is better at child raising and we are great at providing. She has the heartache for the orphan and we have the ability to make it possible.

She is a sister in Christ that has just as much value to God. God may be reaching the "mother" with the call to adoption because He knows her heart is in tune with that call as the maternal one. Husbands, your wives are there to be a helper. God gave them to us for another perspective. As much as you might feel you would have the pangs of desiring a child, she does. Listen to her and then be the encourager, helpmate, and spiritual leader we are called to be.


But we have circumstances…

I know there are "what if" questions like….

How can we swing this financially? If one of you needed $5000 to live in 30 days, then you would find a way to cut costs or make it happen. The same with the orphan…is it important?

What if we wait for natural children, maybe we could foster/adopt later? Is that your decision without prayer and counsel?. If your wife has an impulse for a good thing (helping, adopting, serving, etc) maybe we should stop the "we will do it later" mentality and pray. Satan does not give warm-hearted, kind or sacrificial impulses. Don’t be like the followers of Jesus (Matthew 8:19-22) who gave circumstances as the excuses they could not follow Christ right then.
What about the questions from others? Honestly, stop worrying what others might say or think. We live in a world where children are viewed as a burden (opposite of what the Bible says). A world that flaunts the less children you have the more you can do (not the sacrificial life of the Bible). The Word says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." (Ps 127:3).

The timing is wrong! I guess God made a mistake and gave your wife a heart for the orphan a few years early? Is He not sovereign? Does He not take care of even the lilies of the field?

We sponsor an overseas child, so we are doing our part. There is nothing wrong with sponsorship through one of the Christian organizations out there, but cutting a check (more likely auto drafting) $30 a month to "love" a child is not sacrificially, biblical love.

What about birth order or how they will effect or family? See our post on birth order here. As for the future effects on other children that is in the department of God's sovereignty and prayer. There are many other outside influences that also affect your children, but we are to walk with them instructing them in the Word of God and love. The Word also does not say "care for the orphan" only if the kids are gone (James 1:27). 

  


Trust me, I was that guy.

I even went so far as to think that maybe the foster kid would think that we only fostered because we didn’t have any kids of our own. Pretty detailed thinking, but again that is the way a guy thinks. We can spend our whole life with "what-ifs" and truly get nothing done for the kingdom of God.
"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." (Prov 12:15)

So is adoption for everyone? Yes, everyone should be involved in adoption somewhere, somehow. The Scriptures do not say "Only certain people care for the orphan", but calls for ALL believers to. If God isn't calling your family to adopt then come alongside a family as a support, invest time, invest love, but sacrifice more than the price of a dinner. If you have the ability to foster or adopt then do it! 

Pray about it….together. Go to God's Word. And seek your wife's wise counsel. ;)


Posted by Brian
To God be the Glory!

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Friday, March 7, 2014

Fostering Attachment and Love

In our home we have older children that struggled with Reactive Attachment Disorder symptoms and behaviors for some time. In just three years those same children are well-adjusted, attached, and loving members of our family. Someone asked me recently how that could be? How are they healed and just like normal attached kids? RAD is supposed to haunt them for life. Their past cannot be undone.

No, their past will forever be a part of who they are but the hurt can be undone. First with the help of the true Healer, Jesus Christ, and second with consistent modeling and practicing what love really is.

Love does NOT mean you will never get hurt. Unconditional love means you WILL get hurt but you love anyway!


Three things we know about foster kids from hard places:

  1. They have a difficult time trusting or attaching to adults in authoritative parental roles.
  2. They have a difficult time connecting with and understanding their emotions.
  3. They have a difficult time feeling, receiving, giving, or showing love.
As I said, foster children need consistent modeling and practicing what love really is. Due to what we know about them, that they have a difficult time trusting or attaching to adults in authoritative parental roles, even if we, as adults, are consistently modeling love it may not be accepted or trusted simply due to our role.

What now? How do we bypass #1 to begin kindling connections, correct emotions (#2) and love (#3)?

One of the biggest helps God laid on my heart was to continue to foster pets while fostering children. I was a foster parent to hundreds of furry little ones before my heart changed and bled for the hurting human foster children. Together with our children, over the past two years, we have fostered over 35 animals. We have fostered orphaned kitties and puppies, blind, mange-covered and skinny older dogs, and deathly sick cats. Fostering pets has lavished benefits on our family as our children were walking through the grief of their deepest hurts.


Four reasons why foster pets taught my children love better than I can:

  1. Attachments are created to happen with babies, while they are still cute and cuddly.
  2. Pets (Dogs specifically) can make known the hidden emotions of their owners and give them a voice.
  3. Teaches love without segregation, love outside the limits of species, breed, or color. 
  4. Death or adoption of a pet allows us, as parents, to walk with them through their loss. 

1. Attachments are created to happen with cute and cuddly babies.

Before kids, when I worked at an animal shelter, I remember seeing the old, quirky dogs and grumpy cats, filled with fear. I watched them as all with cute and cuddly puppies and kittens got adopted and these older pets were passed by. As a shelter worker these are the animals you spoil, take home on the weekends and hold lovingly, whispering that they are loved, when their time is up. What is it about newness and cuteness that draws a stranger's heart to fall in love. I have to tell you there is no redeeming qualities to a puppy or kitten other than they are SUPER cute! They pee everywhere and all the time, they chew and scratch and they don't listen but when they sleepily purr on your lap or lick your face you are helplessly smitten.

          

In foster children, empathy, nurture and affection can be kindled with cute babies in a way that cannot be displayed with us as adults. We are that old, quirky dog or grumpy cat waiting for love. We may be modeling and practicing love, wagging our tail and purring but there is just something that is sparked when cuteness is a factor. God designed babies to be cute for a reason!

Trials and hardships with pets, cleaning up messes or feeding and giving with no return on investment, can materialize what unconditional love truly means and looks like. It means loving even when time or money is lost and love is not reciprocated. Pointing out the child's unconditional love toward their pets can help them visualize our unconditional love for them despite their messes.

                                            

2a. Pets expose hidden emotions.

Authority in our lives is good (Romans 13:1-8). It holds us accountable and can be a huge help to us. When authorities put in place to care for us don't we are left hurt. Giving our children small roles of authority over furry helpless pets can open conversation about how wonderful God designed authority to be. God is our ultimate authority, always in perfect love, caring for us(Romans 9:19-21). Parents are the authority over their children, without anger, teaching and disciplining them (Ephesians 6:1-4). Humans are in authority over the animals, with good stewardship, caring for them (Genesis 1:26).

Foster children often struggle with control and lacking trust in their parental authorities. When in a relationship with a pet, the foster child can be in the controlling, authoritative role as the "parent". The foster child can control feedings, baths, training and affection. Please note, this role is guided by or taken over by the foster parent when the role is played with any anger or neglect. The foster child can be guided to be a calm and loving authority. Pointing out the child's success in fulfilling their role as a "foster parent" to this orphaned animal and explaining the appreciation this pet must have for them can rub off as the child's eyes and hearts are opened with appreciation toward their own foster parents. 

Dogs obey authorities (cats not so much). In a dog pack there will be one leader, the authority of the pack. This dog leader is always calm and assertive (as Cesar Millan would say). Dogs will not follow a sporadic, easily-angered, or fearful leader. A dog can often reflect the invisible emotions our kids have inside them. A mirror for their hearts. We can help our kids work out their emotions to practice a calm demeanor so they will enjoy their foster dog or puppy more.  

2b. Foster pets can give our foster kids a voice.

Kids who may not be able to put a labeled emotion on their feelings may be able to label the emotion of a foster pet. When the puppy is crying and howling the first new night in your home the child can label that the puppy is sad. We can develop conversation that relates to their own hidden emotions, "I bet you felt like this foster puppy the first night you came here, you felt sad right?" The conversation can escalate to reasoning behind those emotions. "The foster puppy is sad because he misses his mommy dog." "I bet you feel sad when you miss your mommy." Foster children can more easily verbalize what a foster pet may be feeling than their own emotions. Since the feeling are often mutual, they are essentially exposing their own emotions.


3. Love without boundaries.

When falling in love with a hurting and in need foster pet there is no segregation due to species, breed or color. We don't say, "You, little kitten, are not a human therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their difference of species. We don't say, "You, little puppy, are not my favorite breed of dog therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their breed. We don't say, "You, little bunny, are white and I only love spotted bunnies therefore I cannot love you." We love them fully, regardless of their color. Loving a cross-species pet can show that love crosses even the most difficult boundaries, that love knows no segregation (Galatians 3:28). We can show that just as their love can grow for a different species pet our love can grow for them regardless of their background, heritage or race differences. We see a need and we meet it, regardless of where they came from (James 1:27).

                                                

4. Foster pets allow loss and grief.

Death or adoption of a pet brings about a sort of planned loss and grief. A loss unlike their immediate, chaotic and tumultuous exit from their previous family. This type of loss allows understanding, processing and allows us to walk them through the stages of grief. This type of loss still hurts, sometimes deep, but to love unconditionally is to hurt. We don't refuse to help an injured foster pet for fear of death, we love and help them in their hurt even if death and loss is imminent. This type of controlled or planned loss can help bring back old losses and re-walk through that grief appropriately.

Adoption of a pet brings a good mix of grief and joy, a mix of loss and new life. Watching a once orphaned or hurting foster pet find an adoptive family makes real the joy and newness of adoption! It can also help a foster child sympathize with their foster parent if and when it comes time for the foster child to be reunited with their family. They can begin to see that the mix of sadness and joy can and sometimes do coexist.

Foster children with foster pets learn to love, lose and love again. Isn't that the cycle we want to culminate and grow in our children that are struggling to love after past loss and hurts?

 

The greatest thing about foster pets is they reflect God's perfect love for foster children and us.

If God loved these little furry creatures so much to send a rescue to them through children foster parents then how much more does God love these little helpless children to send a rescue to them through adult foster parents. (Matthew 10:29-31, Matthew 6:25-34)

In the same way, if God loved these little helpless children so much to send a rescue to them through adult foster parents then how much more does God love these adult, imperfect parents to send a rescue to them through His very own Son, Christ Jesus (Romans 5:6-8, Isaiah 40:26-31, John 3:16-18).

"We love, because He first loved us" - 1 John 4:19


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone 
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