*Warning: Venting in progress*=Compliments 101: When giving a compliment please refrain from telling that person how they are doing something SO great, then proceed to tell them what quality or trait it is that you have a larger supply of, thus disqualifying you from ever taking part in the great thing they are doing.
This is the one I hear ALL the time: "WOW. What you are doing for those kids, ...as a foster parent, is SO great! I could never do what you do, I would get attached!"
"Yea, I lack the necessary skill as a mother to attach or bond in any way with children. It makes me a perfect foster parent. They need someone who won't bond with them at all, someone who will always have one foot out the door. That is why I am perfect!"
I hear it from most people everywhere I go, and I know they mean well, but I can't help the sarcastic remarks fly through my head while my mouth smiles and says "thank you". *Deep breath, venting complete*
I DO get attached, just like you! I DO bond! I absolutely LOVE my kids and would be heartbroken if they left. The thought of a possibility of not seeing Hailey turn 2 years old is enough to make tears well and my stomach churn. The thought of not hearing Kylin's laugh makes me hug him tighter when I hold him. The thought of a removed birth parent showing up to "claim" Uribe, Yukehily or Ludian makes me burn with enough fire to up and move to Canada the moment we sign the adoption papers.
This is the one I hear ALL the time: "WOW. What you are doing for those kids, ...as a foster parent, is SO great! I could never do what you do, I would get attached!"
"Yea, I lack the necessary skill as a mother to attach or bond in any way with children. It makes me a perfect foster parent. They need someone who won't bond with them at all, someone who will always have one foot out the door. That is why I am perfect!"
I hear it from most people everywhere I go, and I know they mean well, but I can't help the sarcastic remarks fly through my head while my mouth smiles and says "thank you". *Deep breath, venting complete*
I DO get attached, just like you! I DO bond! I absolutely LOVE my kids and would be heartbroken if they left. The thought of a possibility of not seeing Hailey turn 2 years old is enough to make tears well and my stomach churn. The thought of not hearing Kylin's laugh makes me hug him tighter when I hold him. The thought of a removed birth parent showing up to "claim" Uribe, Yukehily or Ludian makes me burn with enough fire to up and move to Canada the moment we sign the adoption papers.
After leaving with Hailey each time she visits with her birth father I cringe at the meer thought of one day leaving without her. I compare it to loving a terminally ill child. Watching them grow and loving them, then getting the news that they "don't have much longer" with you. At least if she was terminally ill I would rest assured she would be joining her perfect father in heaven.
The crazy thing about foster parents is we sign up to love and attach to a child knowing they may not be with us for longer than 6 month or a year. I look at it this way: If God came to you while you were pregnant and said this baby will be a joyous blessing for 1 year then I will take her home, would you still have the baby, would you still attach!?! YES!!! I hug Hailey longer, let playtime linger, and melt at the sound of her laugh. God is the giver and taker of life. He orchestrates our paths. He is sovreign over all joy and sorrow. He works works all to good to those who love Him. If Hailey leaves our family, I will grieve, and I will lean completely the trust I have in God, her father, to protect her here on earth when I cannot.
I am attached.
Posted by Shannon
