Is Adoption a Calling?

We dreamed of our future family. Our perfectly planned two child family. One boy and one girl, in that order. Well, maybe a third, but only if we didn’t get our two genders on the first two tries. We had our two baby names picked out. One boy and one girl. We were already following the American Dream step by step. Nice apartment as newlyweds. Two brand new cars. Then a big mortgage on a big beautiful house. Add in our credit cards, beautiful financed furniture, stylish, new clothing that we never had time to wear because we were always working in our uniforms, nice dinners out every other night and big, expensive vacations. Isn’t two kids, a 50 hour work week, a truck load of debt and a life of living far above our means the normal American Dream? We were normal. We were happy.

But then we were hit by a whirlwind. We were pursued and our hearts were captured. The desire to live a life of the American Dream was torn from our minds and replaced with a new desire. A desire to lose our lives. A desire to give up our lives to serve. A desire to serve others until the end of our lives. A desire to please, honor and obey the One who laid down His life as a ransom for ours. A desire to be willing to be used in any way that He would chose to use us to further His kingdom and for His glory.

"Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 

We gave our perfect future family to God. We asked God to choose for us how many children we would have and asked Him to build our family in any way He chose, through birth or adoption. We put our life spent chasing the American Dream on the altar. We sold our cars and bought ones we could afford with cash. We sold our house and bought one we could afford with cash. We gave up one income so we could best care for the blessings God gave to us through adoption. We live within our means and by God’s provision through tight budgeting, growing and raising much of our own food, buying used clothing, items and furniture from second hand and thrift stores. God changed all aspects of our dreams, our desires, and our lives.

“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present you bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

When we are born again we truly are new creatures. We serve a new King, in a new community. We are no longer part of this world but aliens from a distant land just passing through. While we are here we serve our King through serving others. But how do we know our calling? How do we know God’s will for this new life?

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3a

When God saved us we were instantly justified. We were forgiven, washed clean and made new creatures in Christ. Our justification was like standing in front of the judge as Christ petitioned to adopt us as His own. We were adopted in that moment. Justification says “you are My child,” sanctification says “now live like you are My child.” Sanctification is the life long process of our lives becoming more and more like Christ. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 1:6-9 where God compares this process of the testing and building of our faith to that of a blacksmith as he plunges the gray stone into the fire. As the flames lick this stone slowly the dross melts away into the heat and revealed is a brilliant, shimmering yellow malleable liquid that we call gold. That is us. What a picture. But do we step in the fire willingly? Do we kick and scream and fight when it gets too hot? Are we keeping our eyes glued to our future hope? To Jesus who is more precious than gold and whose image we are conforming to?

Sanctification hurts. It is like being thrust into fire. It burns. But sanctification comes with a great promise! That we will one day be as precious and shining as gold. A promise that one day we will see glorification. A day when we will be finished, given and new imperishable body and taken to our permanent, eternal home. Oh, how there are days I am so homesick and long earnestly for that day. Lord, Your will be done, Your kingdom come.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to becomes conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Romans 8:28-31

As we walk through this Christian life, as we walk through our sanctification God will continue to work on us by putting His Word into our mind (“cognition”). He will then plant seeds of “conviction” that will one day bear the fruit of “affection.” Terms were taken from this article, The Steps of Biblical Sanctificaion by John MacArthur.

To turn this post to our heart for adoption, let me say that as we allowed God’s Word to sink deep into our hearts our cognition of God’s character deepened. We see that God loves and cares for the orphan. Because we are being conformed to Jesus’ likeness we therefore will also love and care for the orphan. We see that God created all humans in His image and put an intrinsic value on every child regardless of their physical, emotional or mental capabilities. We value life, all life, because God does. We truly believe that God will place this same cognition in the minds of all His people at some point in their sanctification. That cognition is the seed that grows into a plant of conviction. Because God values all life and loves the orphan we grow a conviction as God’s people to step up and put those words into action.

That conviction will come in many ways but often is in the form of adoption. Everyone we talk to about our family always says something like, “we have thought about adoption one day.” I have never met a Christian that didn’t mention their personal love for adoption. Because, we believe, God has written His love for adoption on all of our hearts when He adopted us.

This may rub some wrong but we do not believe that adoption itself is a “calling” from God.

What!?!

If God picked and chose certain Christians to adopt then I am the last qualified for this calling of taking care of His children! I love clean, quiet, order and normal. I am introverted and really don’t like attention or touch. I am not a very fun or huggy or soft, motherly natured type person. I am all business and structure, a “let’s get her done” kind of gal. I am more equipped to climb a corporate ladder than kiss boo-boos and counsel young hearts. Did I hear the call of God wrong? Maybe He meant for me to lead a Christian business from behind a computer in my quiet of my childless house.

God doesn’t call the equipped, but I promise He equips who He calls!

We definitely don’t feel we were audibly “called” by God to adopt children. We were called to follow God and sacrifice all for Him. As we surrendered we followed God where His heart is. His heart is with the poor, the needy and the orphaned, therefore that is where we followed Him. Are we “called?” Yes, called to love others as ourselves. We don’t want to be poor, hungry or without parents so why would we leave others in that condition? Did we always want to adopt? Absolutely not. We wanted what we viewed as the easy road, birth children. But we had that still, small voice, that passing thought that said, “we will adopt one day because we were adopted.” Slowly, as we stepped out in faith and willingly obeyed that conviction deep in our hearts. God grew that conviction into a tree that bore fruit of affection for adoption, that affection turned “one day” into TODAY. God today we will adopt. We won’t make them who you love suffer any longer as orphans. We will take on Your heart for the orphan and cure their plight today. We surrendered our lives when we submitted, just as Isaiah the prophet did before us (Isaiah 6:8), “Here we are Lord, send us.” In that surrender God did an amazing work tilling our hearts, changing our desires and equipping us for this road of adoption He “called” us to.

This past week we tilled up a 2000sqft area that will prayerfully be a plentiful garden. Brian did most of the tilling as it was quite the difficult task. A small but powerful machine with rotating blades designed to dig deep into the hard earth and make it soft and ready for seeds. Our dirt was compacted and hard after having much heavy machinery drive on it while moving our mobile home onto the property. The tiller had its work cut out for it. It took several rounds going over and over the hard soil. Each time the tiller passed over an area of dirt it dug deeper and deeper cutting up huge roots and digging up large rocks and stone that couldn’t be seen on the surface. Slowly the soil began flowing freely and easily through the blades as it stirred a black living substance that will miraculously grow our food. Holding onto that tiller as it fought and leaped against the hard ground it gave me a picture of my own heart. A hard heart that God forced His perfect tiller over. He tore through the surface of selfishness and continues to dig deep, cut roots of anger and bitterness and throw out stones of pride. Until more of my soil begins to resemble that perfect, rich and soft magic that will grow great fruit for Him. What a picture Jesus paints in the parable of the soils in Matthew 13.

We are told all the time how AMAZING we are. How awesome what we are doing is. How great it is that we “found” our calling in this life. I cannot tell you how incorrect this is! We are the furthest people from amazing. We don’t always walk willingly or immediately. We don’t always want to follow the convictions God puts in our hearts. Why? Because this road is hard, tiring and at times lonely. We are human, weak and fearful. We don’t feel ready or equipped when we take the leap of faith and say, “yes” once again. We walk in faith (“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1) and then pray and pray that God would give us an affection for this conviction. He always does. Each time He calls us again to this road of adoption through conviction He always grows that affection within us later. So even when we are scared to walk this road again we can remember that God has proven faithful in the past. He will grow in us that affection if we will walk in faith now.

Do we feel supernaturally "called" as adoptive parents?
No, this is just the way the universal "call to sacrifice" has played out in our personal life.


Let me leave you with this quote that is stuck deep in my heart.    

“No generous impulse is from Satan. All good and generous impulses are from God!” - Jodi Ware, wife of Bruce Ware from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Satan isn’t out there tempting people to care for the orphan. He is against all things good and holy. He wants you to give you 1000 reasons why you can’t possibly be called to do God’s will.

If you have ever thought that adoption would be something you could see yourself doing one day then maybe, just maybe YOU have been “called” by God.

Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Home Sweet Home! Before and After Home Photos Part Two

The world of home improvement is not an easy one to reside in but it is SO worth it when the work is done! We are greatly enjoying the fruits of our labor.

 

Click here to see our previous post "Before and After Home Photos Part One"

 

Here is the second half of before and after photos of our new home!

 

In the boy's room there were only plywood floors with carpet tacks along walls. After much effort pulling all of them up we laid down wood laminate which we scored free off of Craigslist!

 

A pipe must have burst previously and they ripped through the wall to get to it. After installing all new plumbing materials we bought a new sheet of drywall and painted the entire room.

 

In the closet we just water sealed then painted the plywood floor. The boys are thrilled with their room and the space compared to our last home!

 

Oh, and that painting in the boy's room, here is a close up. I painted that for them and it turned out better than I had planned :)

 

 

The girl's room did not have any painting done and the ceramic tile was already there. They had a new window installed and a couple of tiles needed to be replaced.

 

This bottom bunk is where Brittany will sleep!

 

We just painted the girl's closet floor after bleaching it and water sealing the plywood.

 

The wooden set of bunkbeds was donated to us the day before we received the call for Brittany! God knows our needs before we do!

 

The bathrooms were just plain gross when we first saw the house. Nothing that baking soda, bleach and some elbow grease couldn't take care of!

 

The tile in this room was peel and stick laminate and was shifting and peeling up. We carefully removed all the tile and this is what we used in the kitchen for flooring.

 

The table was our dining room table when we were first married. It is 10 years old. Last year it stayed in a shed that ended up flooding and we had to toss 75% of what was in there. The table was covered in mold and I couldn't save parts of it but after some sanding, water sealing and painting it created our own little private nook to sit and talk over coffee.

 

Once the tile was pulled up and reused we put down more free wood laminate we scored free off of Craigslist!

 

This is our HUGE master bathroom and I LOVE it!

 

Two sinks, my favorite! That necklace holder is just a piece of painted wood with small nails hammered in it to hang jewelry on.

 

The shower took some scrubbing but the toilet was not salvageable and we had to replace it. Our friends at Mr. Rooter were a huge blessing to us in so many ways!

 

The tub is just amazing and yes we use it often! We plan on doing a tile mosaic around the tub some day soon. We have the tile and supplies, just gotta break that tile and get on it.

 

We are thankful for this extra storage space for tools, paint, Christmas decorations, etc. Without a shed or garage this closet is a tremendous blessing.

 

 

God has already answered a huge prayer of ours. We prayed that this home would be a place of much fellowship and a revolving door for many visitors. God has certainly used this home already, even in the very short time we have been in it and in all it's unfinished projects. We have had nonstop visitors, at least two a week, even though we live quite a drive from town out in the sticks.

 

We even were able to host an amazing family from Wisconsin just this past weekend. The Storms family was such a blessing to us and it was a great joy to offer up our home and our RV for 10 strangers to sleep in. While they were here we were able to learn of and attend an Abolish Human Abortion conference here in our town. It was very enlightening and rekindled a simmering fire within us for the sanctity of human life and the great need for the church to rise up and become serious about defending the poor, the weak, the orphan and the widow whatever the cost.

 

March is here already. We have plans this month to get seeds in the ground for our garden, fence in the remainder of our 7 acre property and begin growing pasture grass for the animals and get wheelchair ramps built onto our house for Brittany's arrival!

 

Here is a 6 minute video that we made to show a small snippet of our daily lives:

 

God is so good to us!

 

 

Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

 

Best of Facebook: February 2015

2/5/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's midnight. I have reorganized our schedule and chore charts once again to make them as efficient as possible! Is planning, organizing and scheduling just super fun or is it something else? Is this what they call "nesting?" This unsettled, let's get organized, let's get cleaned, there is someone coming frenzy inside of me! Although I can't share pee stick announcement photos, adorable sonogram photos or bathroom-mirror-camera shots of my growing belly, there is still something growing and stirring within me.

I think of her name constantly. And I get strange feelings when I've loaded up the car that I am missing someone...and a wheelchair. I look over to the empty spot at the table that she soon will fill and imagine that smile from the picture. I daydream constantly about what life will be like when she is here. As we all gather on the couch for family worship, I wonder for just a moment, "Where is Brittany?" As quickly as the thought flitted in my mind I remember she isn't here yet. This is adoption pregnancy, it doesn't last as long but is just as real!

Peace and excitement are replacing fear and anxiety. God has been organizing every detail from the huge (we need wheelchair ramps on our house asap) needs to the I-didn't-know-I-needed-this needs. He is leaving us no room to doubt that this is His good and perfect will. So we continue to move forward in trust!

2/12/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

A man walked up to our table while we were enjoying our Chick-fil-A (especcially my free iced coffee) and said, "What you need is more kids!"
I look over, "Oh, yes Sir, we have already placed our order, they are on the way!"
He had himself quite the belly laugh then suddenly stopped, his face quickly fell very serious, "No really, you actually have more children on the way!?!"
I smiled and held back laughter, his facial reaction was priceless, "Yes Sir, we actually do have one more on the way!"

How can you look at this adorable view everyday and not want more!?! :D

2/13/15: Click here to see post on FB:

Let me clarify for all of you who wonder and say, "Shannon, this special needs child you are considering adopting, she will take so much from your time, your schedule, your family and even your life! Why would you do that?"

Well friends, to be honest, this child cannot take those things from me because I gave those up a long time ago. I gave those up when I met a Man. A Man that looked upon me, in my wretched state, not as too much work, but as wanted. Not as too much time but as worthy of love. This Man willingly emptied Himself, gave up all His energy and even His own life to make me His child. To adopt me into His family, His kingdom, His inheritance and give me new life eternally.

This life is no longer mine but Christ who lives in me. Isn't that the gospel? "And He (Jesus) was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." Luke 9:23-24 (see also: Matt 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 17:33).

Did God not sustain me through taking in five kids at once? Did God not sustain me when saying yes to a little boy from MI? I cannot let my trust waver now! God has already proved Himself mighty in strength and God will certainly sustain me to parent this child as well!

We believe that every child is worthy of love and a family regardless of their physical, mental, emotional or behavioral needs. By stepping out in faith by being open and willing to adopt again, we are simply practicing what we preach!

2/15/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

We can't wait to meet you Brittany! On our way to Orlando now. We will attend a staffing at 11am tomorrow then at 1pm we will be visiting Brittany in her foster home!

2/22/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Here is a 6 minute look into our day to day life. We filmed bits and pieces of our life over 3 days and I made this cute little video. Editing videos is kinda my alternative stress relief hobby to painting.

2/25/15: Click here to see photos on FB:

We celebrated two birthdays this week! Titus turned 4 on 2/22 and our Sam turned 9 today, 2/25! Saturday both boys spent the night at Nanny's house and baked like 10 cakes! Then after church Sunday we had a fun day of lunch, cake and badmitten at Nanny's house. Today I surprised Sam with a painting I have been working on. I can't believe Sam has been with us a whole year and my baby Tyman is all growed up!

Click here for Titus' story: http://5kids6months.blogspot.com/p/titus.html
Click here for Sam's story: http://5kids6months.blogspot.com/p/samuels-story.html

Posted by Shannon

Feels Like A Mansion! Before and After Home Photos Part One

We are home! At least we know this is where God has us for hopefully a LONG while because moving just plain stinks! We have been on an up and down financial roller coaster for years. It feels like we are nearing the end of this ride with debt freedom in sight! We are SO close and finally relaxing from a month of very intense labor!

To recap, in June 2013 we put our big, beautiful $260,000 mortgaged house up for sale and purchased a raw 7 acre property. Then in Dec. 2013 our house sold more quickly than planned and God orchestrated details that resulted in us moving into a 600sqft trailer on 4 acres. Click here for more about that story: Debt Free Here We Come! Surprisingly we fell in love with that tiny home and were quite content our year there (although we are putting it up for sale shortly). Now we have just finished moving again!

To recap on our most recent move, we found and bought a foreclosure/repo 1904sqft doublewide mobile home for $11,500. We had it moved to our paid off 7 acre property for $6000. Permiting ended up costing $2000 and septic installation was $4000. Thankfully we our electric and water were hooked up by the county for free! We moved in Christmas Eve and shortly after Brian's awesome brother flew in to help us with the load of repairs. Click here for more details on our move: Move in Progress. This move has held blessing after blessing as we see God care for our every need and desire!

After tons of work moving our family and farm, now we are all settled in and loving it!

  

Now for the first half of before and after photos of our new home!


This is from the front door. This floor was horribly stained and this room smelled heavily of cat pee, yuck! After lots of cleaning, sanding and sealing we were able to install this beautiful new floor which was donated to our family from Flooring USA!

You can really see just how bad the floor was from this angle. This 400sqft dining/living room is HUGE compared to our previous tiny 600sqft house! How how I have missed having a couch and a living room. I still cannot believe it is mine!

Our dining/school room, the table and hutch were given to us by Nanny Diane and the hutch is full of homeschool and craft supplies. The bulletin board and cork board-turned felt board were from thrift stores.

Our living/tv room, all the stuff in here was from four local thrift stores in town. The huge reclining, sleeper sofa sectional was $150, the tv stand was $25, the coffee table was $15, the awesome picture was $10 and dresser to hide all our kids books, cds and dvds was free on the side of the road! That is $200 for everything!

From the living/dining room you enter the kitchen. We ripped up the peeling sheet laminate and were able to replace it with peel and stick laminate tile that we carefully pulled up from the master bedroom. 

Is this seriously my kitchen!?! I mean really, did you see the blog post showing our tiny house's kitchen? I am in love!

I just love the kitchen island! I can move around without stepping on all the little people that surround me! That black dishwasher in the before picture had a mouse nest bigger than a watermelon inside and smelled awful. I wasn't even going to try to clean it! The very moment we opened it up and saw the nasty surprise inside my phone dinged with a text message. It was from a friend saying their neighbor was needing to get rid of a working dishwasher since they were upgrading to stainless steel applicances and she asked if we needed it. God knows our needs before we do!

Another amazing "God provides" story right here. We needed a fridge. Brian had the perfect fridge picked out, a double door, freezer drawer, stainless steel fridge, but there was no way it was going to happen with the $2000 price tag. I convinced him to settle temporarily for a cheap, used one until we saved the money. We went by our favorite thrift store for appliances and lo and behold the EXACT make and model fridge he wanted was there for only $600. It was as if God picked it up and dropped it there the moment we walked in. Just amazing!

I just love this tile counter top. Maggie and Ty can almost always be found at those barstools while I am cooking in the kitchen.

Okay now if you didn't hear me the first time, I have SO missed having a living room and now I have, not one but, two! This is what the kid's call the "adult living room." I call it the fireplace room. :)

We are pretty excited about the fireplace! It is a working wood burning fireplace and we have never had one before.

So you know you want to hear more about God's amazing provision! Every piece of furniture in this room, the piano, the sleeper loveseat, the papasan chair, the four swivel rockers, and the five barstools, were FREE! Some from local thrift stores that know and love our family, some from friends and others from the side of the road. The rug Nanny gave us and the picture was from my parents ages ago. Oh, and here is a close up of our colorful schedule there on the wall next to our bedroom door. I got the idea from this book Managers of Their Homes and a trashed dry erase board.

Last room I have to share today is our laundry/mud room. There is also an enterance door here and this is where we mainly enter, kick off our farm boots, hang up our rain coats and throw dirty clothes straight into the washer. This is also were we store our animal feed and outdoor equipment in bins since we don't have an outdoor shed. It is nice having a real laundry room opposed to the washer and dryer next to the fridge.

Part two is coming soon and will include bedroom and bathroom photos!

In other news

Since we are settled in and loving our new home, we thought it was a good time to get our adoption homestudy updated (as it expired just before our move in Dec. 2014). Let me remind you we committed long ago as new Christians that we would put family planning in God's hands. We committed to do nothing to prevent or promote pregnancy and the same goes for adoption. While we don't prevent adoption by not renewing our homestudy and not being available, we don't promote it either. We do not actively seek children to adopt.  

As soon as we scheduled our adoption social worker to come our for a home visit we received a call from a case worker in Orlando with Wendy's Wonderful Kids. She wanted to match us with a little girl, Brittany, that has spent 8 years in foster care with developmental delays and asked if we would be interested. We committed long ago at the beginning of the journey that we would say yes to any call we received about a child. We would consider the call not from a man but from God.

Picture from Brittany's online profile at adoptuskids.org, click here for her full profile.

Well, of course, we said yes. Honestly, with much fear at first. But God is quickly turning that fear into great excitement! We are just about done with all the checklist items for our adoption homestudy to be complete, 23 page application filled out - check! And signiture page Notarized - check! Four character reference forms handed out to friends - check! Dr. physicals for Brian and I - check! Home visit completed- check! Fingerprints done- check! Kid's physicals scheduled - check! This coming Sunday and Monday we will be driving to Orlando, FL to meet Brittany for the first time and attend a staffing with all her fostercare, adoption, medical and therapy professionals present so we can better grasp what her needs are and learn how to best care for her. The same way we have made a commitment to love our kids, before they came, and regardless of their abilities, health, race or behavior, so have we already committed our hearts to love Brittany regardless of the challenges! But that is a blog post for later :) 

Posted by Shannon

Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone

Best of Facebook: January 2015

1/15/15: Click here to see post on FB:

I was up until 12am last night making decorations for an upcoming baby shower. Brian asked if I was doing okay, if there was any sadness. I was able to genuinely say that I was so excited for this expectant mama and poured myself into serving her that I didn't have time to be sad! I love how God tells us to serve others, and if we really do, how much healing and comfort we recieve in return!

Ways we have served our pregnant friends in the past are coming over to help clean their house, bringing by nausea care packages, watch their other children on super sick days or doctor appts, bring them meals, create a painting or wall mural for their newborn, help with decorations or baby shower planning, etc.

When you, pregnant mama, are rejoicing in your pregnancy even the hardships, it makes it easier for me to rejoice with you. But when you complain, whine and become bitter about the body changes, pain or sickness you are experiencing due to your pregnancy, it begats bitterness in me. All I can think about is, "What I wouldn't give to experience life inside me, how I would take all these passing discomforts just for the chance."Click here for blog post: Pregnant Mama, Know that I Sorrowfully Rejoice with You 


1/17/15: Click here to see post on FB:

This article perfectly addresses the attachment comment that we recieved 100 times while we were foster parents, "Oh, I could never be a foster parent! I would just get to attached!"

"By God’s grace, we will survive the grief of giving up our foster son. Though the pain will be great, we have the coping skills and resources to deal with the loss. But if he were to go without the love and attachment he needs at this point in his development, he couldn't simply catch up later in life. It’s crucial for his sake that we risk the pain of getting “too attached.”

Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 10:39). We want to lose our lives for the sake of our foster son—not only because he needs us to, but because Christ met our even more desperate need. Every dirty diaper, every nighttime feeding, every heart-wrenching visit with his birth parents, and every court date and call from his social worker remind us that we are losing our lives. We are giving our hearts away to this little boy we have no promise of keeping. Still, no matter the sacrifices we make, they pale compared to all that Christ sacrificed to save us." From article, read on:

Click here to see article: "Wanted: Parents Willing to Get Too Attached"

1/18/15: Click here to see post on FB:

This page just hit 1,000, which is crazy! Only 100 of those are people that we are personally know and are friends with on FB. This started as such a humble page for a tiny family blog, now it feels like an extention of our own family, a place for encouragement, gentle criticism, and overwhelming support as we walk this narrow road with lots of bumps, hurdles and trials.

I want to take this opportunity to make it clear that we are SO imperfect. We mess up daily. We are tempted and we sin. We sometimes overlook bad attitudes in our own hearts as we counsel our children on theirs. We struggle to daily lay ourselves on the altar (Rom 12:1), to sacrifice our own wants and desires for others inside and out of our family. We truly are "an imperfect family following the will of a perfect God!"

Thank you for your support and ongoing prayers! They mean the world to us and are greatly needed. It feels like the bigger our blog becomes the more we are stalked and tempted by the evil one, who is ready to pounce and devour (1Pet 5:8). We pray our faith is strengthened, our dross is refined, and our love for the Lord is greater this year than ever before! We pray that we may glorify God in all we say and do and continually be striving to point people, not to us, but to Jesus!

1/21/15: Click here to see post on FB:

"This journey of adopting hurting kids is truly walking in the footsteps of Jesus. We get to extend love to little people with, sometimes, no love reciprocated back. We get to love unconditionally just as Jesus loved the crowd that shouted "crucify Him" with all His heart that He laid down His own life for them!

"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." (Romans 8:15-17).

I love how He tells us not to fear! We know our adoption is secure and we are children and heirs of Christ. He gives us an amazing hope of glory if we suffer with Him. Don't fear the hurt and suffering adoption may bring, it is in this that we can glorify our Father in Heaven and later be glorified! We can adopt because we are adopted! We can love these children because we are SO loved!"
-by 5Kids6Months; re-posted from May 7th, 2014

1/23/15: Click here to see post on FB:

We received a call from an adoption recruiter with Wendys' Wonderful Kids program with the Dave Thomas Foundation today. She said she had saw our old profile on AdoptUsKids.org and felt we were a match for some of the kids she was trying to place. She told us about several medically special needs children, one in particular, Brittany, she really wanted us to meet. She has several medically needy children and two sibling groups (one of 4 kids, the other of 3 kids) she is desperately trying to advocate for and find FL families for. (If you are interested in sibling groups or not fearful of medical needs and are a FL homestudy ready family then I will give you her email address).

We prayed long ago, before any child stepped in our home, that we would to be open and willing to take ANY child God called us for.

Well, "God, was that You?" Pray for Brittany as they send us her full child profile and we begin to pray God's will for our family.

1/23/15: Click here to see post on FB:

(Follow-up to previous post): Well...Brittany's full child study is scary and overwhelming at first read. We read it to the kids and they all said, "Of course we should adopt her!"

I reminded them of some of the huge needs, like, "What about the fact that she may not live to see her 18th birthday due to aHUS? Or that she is completely bound to her wheelchair, being fed via G-tube? And will take away some of my attention to attend to her needs?"

All the children thought and agreed with Anthony's response, "Mom, what if we are her only chance at knowing what it is like to have a family? She has spent 8 years already in fostercare, if we don't say yes, then who will?"

Isaiah 6:8 is reeling through my head, "Here I am Lord, send me!"

Anyone want to remind me of all the stuff I post on this page about following Jesus and not fear?....

1/27/15: Click here to see post on FB:

So 4 days ago we receive a call from Wendy's Wonderful Kids recruiter about a little girl named Brittany (info in previous post) and we began to pray that God would open our hearts toward her. Then tonight we attend our monthly foster/adoptive parent support group meeting and the speaker is from no other than Wendy's Wonderful Kids. Just as Brian and I were ready to chalk it up to a complete coincidence she plays this video.

Before the video was over both of us had a deep confirmation as if God Himself was reaching through to the bottom of our fearful hearts to say, "Out of all the families out there I chose YOUR family specifically for MY Brittany." Please watch and share this awesome 2 minute video because unadoptable IS unacceptable!

1/29/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Today is a very special day! Not only are we celebrating this awesome man turning 39 but the kids that surround him worked hard and saved up over $60 to treat him to lunch at China Super Buffet AND buy him his favorite cake, Raspberry Elegance, from Publix!

This is so poignant to show not only the healing in their little hearts but the leaps and bounds they have made in empathy, compassion and the love that has grown for this man they call "daddy!"

You are awesome Brian and SO worth this and so much more! Love you and happy happy birthday to my favorite!

1/31/15: Click here to see photo on FB:

Showing our support for the Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption by buying free frosty keychains!

1/31/15: Click here to see post on FB:

With great love, comes a greater risk of pain.

Our lives have been opened up for comments, criticism, ridicule, but mainly for great encouragement! We have once again announced to the world that we are willing to walk down a road of adoption. Maybe for one who is healthy, maybe one who is sick. Maybe for one who is advanced, maybe one who is delayed. Maybe for one, maybe five.

Sweet little old ladies say the funniest things when we break this news every year to our church, "So I hear you are thinking about adopting again?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, that is true."
"You are going to be like the little old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many kids she didn't know what to do." People listening in began to giggle.
Me: "Hopefully not the shoe part, but when I don't know what to do I must solely rely on God. That is where I want to stay."

All I have to offer God and this child is my willingness. I am not the perfect wife. I am not a fantastic mother. I am not a great teacher. I can't ever get to the bottom of my to-do list. I stumble and fail much. I am not thinking of adopting again because I think I can handle it. I am not necessarily even ready. I want to adopt again because Jesus does. See adoption is bigger than just us. Through our adoption story runs a scarlet thread. A thread knotting our hearts for adoption to the One who adopted our hearts.

By opening up the door to adoption, I am offering myself as a sacrifice to the One who sacrificed all to me. Emptying myself so I can be filled with His glory. I am simply saying, "Lord I am willing, if you choose, use me." So when my husband loves me fiercely, my children call me blessed and onlookers say, "you are amazing, how do you do it?" I can say, "It is not me, but the One who lives in me!"

Posted by Shannon

Pregnant Mama, Know That I Sorrowfully Rejoice With You!

 

"Lord, please give me the strength to rejoice and not cry," I whispered a silent prayer as I walked into a room filled with giddy smiles and pink balloons. Sweet little polka-dotted onesies were draped across the wall under large painted letters that spelt out this new blessing's name. The pain swelled deep within me like I had been punched in the gut. "Lord, please." I faked a smile, wishing desperately that my joy could be real. That I could truly be a Rom. 12:15 woman. A woman that thinks more of others happiness than her own sorrow. I held it together, ate hors d'oeuvres, complimented tiny pink gifts, skirted around the inevitable birthing conversations that I had never experienced and made it out without giving anyone a hint of the dark cloud that hung over me. When I finally made it back to my car that dark cloud burst into a pool of tears and loud sobs.

Infertility.

That word just drips sorrow. It is negative. Broken. Empty. Hopeless.

5 Years.

This month we say hello to our 5 year anniversary walking hand in hand with this awful word. We like the word "barren" better, but either way it means for 5 years God has shut my womb and we, as a couple, have not been able to conceive. We don't know whether our barreness is permanent or temporary, for only God knows.

I am not writing this so you can message me and tell me the story of your second, half-removed cousin's friend that got pregnant after 15 years of infertility. I am writing this for two reasons, one to scream from the rooftops that all you mamas currently walking through infertility, "I HEAR YOU! YOUR PAIN IS REAL! IT HURTS!" and second to help those of you not walking through it to maybe understand it just a little.

One thing I have learned while walking this dark and lonely road is that God does not promise us children (Anna is a barren woman in the bible that was never given the gift of pregnancy, click here). The same way He doesn't promise we will find a spouse (1 Cor. 7:8). Are these both good blessings? Absolutely. Are they promised in Scripture. No. Often in churches and communities well-meaning people ask these two questions with excitement. To the single, "so when are you going to get married?" and to the childless couple, "so when are you going to start having children?" Like I know when prince charming is going to come a knocking or when our egg and seed will finally combust into a tiny life. These questions are asked as if our completeness without these things is in question.

Our completeness is not found in our marriage or in our womb. Our completeness is found in Christ.

"For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been MADE COMPLETE, and He is the head over all rule and authority;" Colossians 2:9-10

We are complete in Christ. We don't need a husband to complete us, we are married to Christ. We don't need children to complete us, we are heirs with Christ, He will carry on His family name, we don't need to. Often not given the ideal gift of marriage or children we set up this little idol in our heart and we begin to worship this ideal rather that the One who designed it. It is difficult not to. Marriage and children are both good gifts. Blessings. They are good desires, but in our sinfulness we elevate them, are angry over not having them, envy others that do have them and sometimes will even sin to get them.  

In January 2010 Brian and I committed our family planning to God. We committed we would do NOTHING to prevent or promote pregnancy. We were acknowledging that God was in charge of our womb and we were going to trust Him. For five years since 2010 we have been open to any child God would give us.

God was faithful in our commitment and although He has not lifted our barreness He has given us the gift of fertility. We may be infertile in our bodies but God has given our hearts tremendous fertility through adoption!

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 113:9

When we yielded our womb to God we yielded all our rights to say that whatever He chose to do, we would trust and worship Him. He is in control to the opening and closing of our womb. We figured since we were graciously surrendering our will that He would perform His will which happened to look very similar to our will in the first place. The thing with God is that He is God and we are not. Sometimes His will is to not give us our heart desires and (you know what?) He is still good.

But my grief and pain are REAL.

But grief, pain and sorrow, these emotions, they don't know theology. They are real, raw, founded, yet separate from the real knowledge of the goodness of God. We must inform our emotions, teach them, train them. The longer I walk through this path of hurt, the more time I have had to inform my emotions that while a good cry is founded and allowed, bitterness, anger and malice towards others experiencing what I am not is NOT allowed. Grief, pain and sorrow are a soil that the weeds of bitterness and anger love to grow in! We must be on guard. When my mourning is stirred I must reject all thoughts of bitterness.

My hurt over my womb not opening doesn't leave me, I am stuck on this path until I am released to another. I will carry my grief just as those who have lost a loved one. I lost something on this path. I had to grieve the loss of my ideals and imagination of the little baby (or babies) that I expected to bear with my own body. I have laid to rest the image of two lines on a stick, the image of my belly growing big with life, the image of our newborn baby gasp for their first breath of air. Infertility is a loss no one can see but can consume many women just as loss of a living, breathing loved one can.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

Think if someone lost their husband they may weep at a wedding, remembering the love they had and lost. They don't envy or hate your marriage they just are missing theirs. They sorrowfully rejoice with you. If someone lost their child just before that child's 7th birthday party, they may be greatly impacted with grief when attending your child's 7th birthday party. They don't wish your child the same outcome but the memories of a celebration never able to be celebrated will bring great mourning. They sorrowfully rejoice with you.

So please know, pregnant mama, that I am rejoicing with you!

(Picture Commentary: This picture is of a mural I painted for an amazing friend's nursery. We walked our first 1.5 years of infertility together, then she conceived a baby girl! I was so excited for her I spent 50+ hours in her house painting!)


I love feeling the life growing and kicking in your belly. I love witnessing the glow you carry with you. I love hearing you expectantly speak of that sweet baby inside you. I love celebrating this new life with you and being invited to your baby shower celebration. I love you. So I rejoice with you.

But please don't think any of my love changes if I cry (as I am crying now as I write this). Please don't be mad if I excuse myself from the room when the birthing stories that I have never experienced go on and on. Please don't be mad if I cry and am deeply pained when your belly is big and bursting full of the life mine has not ever seen. Please don't be mad if I weep at your baby shower, a celebration I have never been celebrated. Please know that I do rejoice with you, I sorrowfully rejoice!

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I could shut myself up, refuse to touch another growing belly, refuse to attend any future baby showers and some how hope to keep myself from any pain or emotions that may be stirred up by these things. But know that you, pregnant mama, are more important to me than my pain. Showing you love, in the way God shows me love, means more to me than my grief. Rejoicing with you is chosen over my weeping, dear friend. I sorrowfully rejoice with you, at the great blessing you are receiving that I have lost.

"As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful." James 5:10-11

God is still in control of my empty womb, no loss or grief can take away that comfort! God is good in all things.


Posted by Shannon
Soli Deo gloria - Glory to God alone